Please, Government: Bail Out the Detroit Lions!

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Please, Government: Bail Out the Detroit Lions!

The Detroit Lions cannot get any worse this season. The Lions need some intervention from a big source to improve for next season.

The Detroit Lions need a bailout. The government should step in to help the Lions by giving them money past the salary cap so they can get any players they need to avoid another detrimental season.

The first position the Lions should work on is quarterback. The government needs to bail out and reinstate Michael Vick, so the Lions can have a veteran quarterback with some wheels.

They also need a reliable wide receiver to detract attention from Calvin Johnson, so he can be more of a big play maker. With the money, the Lions should buy out Chad Johnson’s contract from the Bengals and give him a pay raise. They will also let him change his name to “Ocho Cinco” since the Lions will have the money to pay for all the jersey changes.

One more offensive position needs to be addressed. The Lions will buy out Adrian Peterson from the Minnesota Vikings. For his backup, they will get Reggie Bush to add the punt and kick returns as well as the backfield.

In order to open the holes for Peterson and Bush, the Lions will have to buy a new offensive line. They should buy the Miami Dolphins offensive line, which includes Jake Long, the 2008 No. 1 draft pick.

The Lions have one of the worst defenses in the league. They should take the money from the bailout and buy the entire Pittsburgh Steelers secondary. Imagine having Polamalu against the NFC North—he would dominate.

As for the linebacking core, take the Baltimore Ravens. Who wouldn’t want Ray Lewis on their defense?

Jevon Kearse and the rest of the Tennessee Titans’ line would finish off a tough defense. The Lions might actually compete with a defense like this.

Kicker Jason Hanson has agreed to a small pay cut in order to bring all the new players in. He’s been on the Lions for so long and would like to win with them, for a change.

As for the coach (because we all know Marinelli will be fired), why not go out and buy the best coach money can buy? That’s right, Bill Belichick. They will pay him anything because money is no object.

Obviously, the government will not actually bail out the Lions, but we can dream, can’t we? After all, the Lions have become a joke and need to clean house.

Detroit Lions: You are now on the clock for the 2009 draft.

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