"It's like watching a nonstop highlight reel!"
That's a quote from one of the characters Hulk Hogan does the voice-acting for in the ever-so-fun video game Saints Row: The Third.
You know something is important when I mention it in not only two IMPACT reviews but also one Raw review. Buy Saints Row!
Hogan is the voice of Angel and an announcer for MurderBrawl XXXI and Professor Genki activities. Hogan's classic Hulkamania taunt is also available in the game, as well as Ric Flair's strut. Another reason to buy it.
I just want to note that it has been a little over a week since I ordered my Crimson t-shirt. Where is it?
Off the Chain
World heavyweight champion Bobby Roode starts off IMPACT.
He talks about retaining at Turning Point, being the star and leader of Fortune and how he's the future of IMPACT Wrestling.
James Storm comes out and blames the attack from last week on his former tag partner. Roode denies it and says there are even some people who can safely say Roode didn't do it. Storm doesn't care and tries to charge the ring, and to everyone's surprise, security holds him back!
Security finally restrained a wrestler! They will all get a gold sticker put on their security shirts and a coupon to Applebee's.
As Storm is being taken out, AJ comes in... from behind, that is.
Roode turns around, and AJ starts to kick his ass. Security comes in the ring to separate them. Security is on point tonight.
AJ takes a mic and criticizes Roode about everything he's done. Roode says he can beat AJ all night long.
Everyone's favorite current general manager (in all of wrestling), Sting, makes a rematch for Final Resolution. There's a catch.
It will be a world-title, 30-minute Iron Man match!
AJ starts to leave since he's happy. He wants to hurt Roode by taking the title off him. Roode is pissed and goes into the crowd (front row) and grabs Dixie Carter. AJ comes back down the ramp, and Bobby throws Dixie into AJ. AJ catches Dixie, but Roode clocks him with the title belt and beats down AJ as he's laying on top of Carter.
Careful, Roode! Last guy to put their hands on Dixie was... okay, he earned all the power of the company along with Hogan and Bischoff.
Welcome back to the IMPACT Zone.
Joe Didn't Try to Kill You
"Joe's not gonna kill you! Joe's not gonna kill you!"
That's what everyone should've chanted.
Backstage, James Storm is still trying to find the guy that beat him up last week. Samoa Joe comes and says he was with Roode before their match, and it wasn't him.
Storm gets the idea that Joe did it, and Joe says if he did, Storm wouldn't be standing right now. They brawl, and Kazarian comes with some of the fellas to break it up.
Lay Down the Law!
After commercials and a recap of what happened, Sting confronts Roode backstage. He shoves him and yells at him for his actions.
Roode says that if Sting touches him again, he'll put a lawsuit on his ass.
Devon with The Pope vs. (c) Robbie E with Rob Terry
This match was good. For Devon, at least.
Robbie, the new champion that I predicted months ago, got his ass whooped! Robbie didn't get to hit Devon once.
Devon was doing work and tossed Robbie outside the ring. Pope was laughing at Robbie, and Robbie pushed Pope. Pope answered back with a pimp/b*tch slap and rolled him back into the ring. Big Rob knocked Pope out from behind after that happened.
Who should be in line for the Knockouts title?
Devon's kids jumped the rail to check on Pope. If they can do it, can I? I wouldn't want to. I'd be scared of Rob Terry.
Devon was distracted by his kids, and Robbie won by roll-up.
Winner: Still Champion, Robbie E
After the match, Devon grabbed his kids in typical fashion, and they pushed him back. They finally fought back, and I still don't get where this storyline is going.
Good showing by Devon match-wise, bad for Robbie despite the win. My dude looked weak.
Garrett Wants a Rematch, and a New Team is Formed
Garrett asks Sting if he can finish what he started with Gunner from last week. He says he's not as green as everyone thinks and wants to finish him.
Sting says alright.
Garrett walks away, but then Crimson and Matt Morgan walk by talking about kicking each other's ass at Turning Point.
Sting tells them that Mexican America said that there are no challengers for their titles. MCMG are injured, Ink Inc. lost and British Invasion doesn't get any TV time, you know.
Sting offers Crimson and Morgan a title shot, and both guys accept.
Sting: General Manager and Messenger
Sting finds Flair and Bischoff and lets them know that Garrett-Gunner II is happening later.
Sting allows both guys to be in Gunner's corner, but Sting will be in Garrett's.
Kid Kash and X Division Champion, Austin Aries vs. Jesse Sorensen and Brian Kendrick
Kendrick is randomly tossed into this match for some reason. I'd much rather see Zema Ion, Tony Nese, Mark Haskins, pretty much anyone but Kendrick.
Sorensen is still all fired up from Sunday and wants some revenge.
After Kash slapped Aries in the face as a tag, Aries got in and quickly tagged out and walked out on Kash for being, and I quote, "A d*ck."
Kash gets hit by Sorensen's finisher, and we're done here.
Winners: Jesse Sorensen and Brian Kendrick
Kendrick did close to nothing in this match, and I will continue to dislike him until he either turns heel or wears shoes. We all know which one won't happen. I'm guessing Sorensen will prove himself to get a one-on-one match at Final Resolution.
Anderson on Xbox
Wow. A lot of Xbox plugs in my recent reviews.
Anderson is playing Madden NFL 12 backstage. He's playing as the Green Bay Packers against the Tennessee Titans. Notice how the cameraman didn't pan up to show the score.
James Storm comes and asks him about his attacker. Anderson says he'll attack to someone's face.
Storm realizes it isn't Anderson and starts to leave. Anderson calls him back and asks him to play. Storm says the Titans are cool but unplugs the Xbox on Ken.
Maybe there's a Madden 12 tournament backstage. I wonder who the champion is...
No. 1 Contender 10-Knockout Gauntlet Match
Before the match, we visit Gail Kim and Karen's crew.
Traci has her back to the camera and is doing something with a picture of Karen on the wall when the VP walks in. Karen says it's about time Traci covers up, but Traci turns around to face the camera and her sweater has a big, big revealing hole. She loves her big tatas. She said so herself on Spin Cycle.
First two Knockouts to start the match are Rosita and former champ Velvet Sky.
Rosita is in Velvet's face and taking off her earrings. Velvet kicks her and does her finishing move which eliminates Rosita.
Brooke Tessmacher comes running to the ring next. She takes it to Velvet and does her version of a stink face. Brooke spends a little too much time taunting with her t-shirt and the audience. Velvet runs out of the corner to hit a bulldog on Brooke.
One half of TNT is out.
Angelina Love comes out next. She goes after Velvet and is the only successful one in doing so. After a bit, Angelina gets a roll-up and a handful of tights to end Velvet's night.
Next up is Miss Hardcore Country, Mickie James. She fights off Angelina and drops her with a DDT to move on.
Sarita then comes out and brings the fight to an already two-time Knockouts champion, Mickie James. Sarita grabs Mickie in a submission hold which Mickie reverses into a pin fall.
Tara is next, and the crowd likes her more than Mickie. After a brief exchange, Mickie hits her DDT to eliminate Tara now.
Winter runs in and hits some quick moves in hopes of a quick win. Mickie keeps kicking out and eventually connections with a kick to Winter's head. Good night.
ODB finally gets some TV time. She looks just fine, but Taz makes her sound like Fiona out of the Shrek movies. ODB goes to work on Mickie, and I like her in-ring style. She does well, but not enough. Mickie hits her overrated Lou Thesz press off the top rope to knock ODB out of this.
ODB attacks Mickie after the pin setting up an easy win for the finalist, Madison Rayne.
Madison takes her sweet time walking to the ring. She waves around to every fan and just looks hot. There's a reason she's my favorite. I just can't put my finger on it...
Madison tries to pick Mickie up but somehow gets twisted into a pin and it's over.
Winner: New No. 1 Contender, Mickie James
My dislike for Mickie James continues to grow. She's had more title matches this year than any other Knockout.
Despite that, Gail Kim-Mickie James can be an awesome match at Final Resolution, so I'm happy with the choice... sort of.
Bully Being a Bully
Bully Ray is backstage yelling at a woman. He says he won't go out with her and pretty much calls her ugly.
Storm shows up for his questions, and Bully says he's busy with Abyss.
Storm goes to leave, but Bully offers him a spot in Immortal. Storm says his chances of joining Immortal are as good as Bully chances of getting laid. Very slim. Storm leaves.
Unimportant Backstage Segments
Jeff Hardy is shown for about five seconds. He's in the building. Good to know. It is his job to show up, anyway.
Garrett Bischoff is excited about his match later. He asked for it, so he should be.
Hardy Has Sights Set on Gold
Jeff Hardy comes out and thanks the fans for the support and says he wants to focus on winning the World title. Karen Jarrett comes out and bashes him.
She says that Hardy isn't a real man, and Hardy says he's more of a man. Whoa, getting cocky now Jeff Druggy, I mean Hardy? Double J attacks from behind, but Hardy fights him off again.
TNA Tag Team Championships
Crimson and Matt Morgan vs. Mexican America
This new team of Morgan and Crimson need a cool name. Whoever comes up with the coolest name wins a special prize.
Both teams have a good back-and-forth match and ends with Hernandez getting tossed out of the ring. Crimson hits Anarquia with a t-bone suplex, and Morgan then follows up with a Carbon Footprint for new tag-team champions!
Winners: New champions, Crimson and Matt Morgan
Garrett Bischoff vs. Gunner
Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair and Sting are all ringside for the match.
Garrett starts off pretty strong, but Gunner quickly takes control of the match.
Gunner ended up lifting Garrett in a spine buster-type move, and Garrett reversed it into a Mickie James-style DDT for the win.
Winner: Garrett Bischoff
Garrett was impressive, and Gunner looked strong most of the match.
A Game of Clue
James Storm comes to the ring to reveal his attacker.
Storm calls out AJ and blames him because now AJ had one World title match at Turning Point and will have a rematch at Final Resolution. He thinks AJ was jealous of Storm's main-event spot.
AJ calls him paranoid because AJ's only going after Roode because of what happened to Storm. The two shove each other, and Kazarian comes out to break up another fight.
Kazarian and AJ leave, and Storm goes to leave shortly after, but Kurt Angle comes out from under the ring and attacks. Angle brings Storm into the ring, hits an Angle Slam and tells Storm that he's guilty.
- Opening segment
- A TV title match
- Jesse Sorensen did good
- Anderson's segment
- Gauntlet match
- Hardy/Jarrett segment
- Crimson/Morgan vs. Mexican America
- Closing segment
- TV champion Robbie E looked weak
- Pope/Devon/Devon's kids storyline continues
- Gauntlet match was rushed
- Hardy/Jarrett segment
- Too many promos/not enough wrestling
There wasn't a lot of wrestling, but there were some good backstage segments and in-ring promos. The show was pretty good, and I like the idea of Storm and Angle feuding while AJ stays in the main event.
Watching a TV title match is rare, but they messed up by making the champ, Robbie, look so completely weak!
My main issue with the show was that I felt that the gauntlet match was rushed. It felt way too short, and they crammed in 10 Knockouts for this match. Not to mention, Mickie winning.
Overall, though, I enjoyed this IMPACT.