The recent appearance of Mike Tyson at the 2008 Video Game Awards on Spike TV has prompted many to wonder what exactly happened to the former champ, more recent felon.

Walking on stage in a less than flattering button down white shirt, fashion critics were first to comment that black would have been far more slimming. However, with the size of the gut on the champ, that would have to be a very black shirt. A shirt so black that light could not escape it.

It was obvious that a life that no longer consisted of the rigorous training regime and strict diet of a professional boxer revealed exactly what can happen to a fighter that has way too much time and money on his hands.

The appearance of the former champ did raise some questions in at least one sports writer’s mind. What if two champions were to meet now? What if the greatest were to fight the meanest?

What if Muhammad Ali stepped into the ring against Mike Tyson, right now, in 2008?

Typically, for these kinds of questions, the Bleacher Report Crystal Ball of Future Sporting Disasters would be used. However, in this case, the BRCBofFSD seemed hesitant to reveal the future. Only after much assurance that this is only a satire and that formal charges would not be raised would the results be revealed.

Disclaimer: If you don’t have a sense of humor and can't comprehend that his articles is purely a work of satire, stop reading now. If you keep reading you forfeit your chances to point that stick you have lodged in your butt at the writer or this website.

Results are in the form of commentary by ring announcers Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano of MXC fame.

Vic: Welcome everybody to FOX and what is sure to be a historic fight at the airport Hilton convention room B in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Kenny: Hey Vic, why are we announcing a boxing match?

Vic: You see Kenny, due to the controversy of this fight, legitimate announcers would have nothing to do with this spectacle.

Kenny: Why couldn't FOX just use that guy that does all the voices on Family Guy?

Vic: He was approached Kenny, but he said he was too busy counting his money and doing funny things to be a part of this.

Kenny: I love that British baby (poor British accent) Victory is going to be mine! (laughs)

Vic: Right you are Kenny. And here come the fighters. First out is former heavyweight champion "Iron" Mike Tyson.

Kenny: Whoa, look at the gut on him. He looks more like "Cookie Dough" Mike Tyson.

Vic: Right you are Ken. Tyson weighed in at a staggering 312 pounds, well over any weight he has ever fought at. Still Kenny, you have to admit he is still possessed of one of the iciest stares in boxing.

Kenny: It looks more like he has the "icing-est" bellies in boxing.

Vic: Right you are, Ken. Tyson's pre-fight diet consisted largely of jelly beans, cake frosting straight from the can and that spray cheese that tastes awesome on Buggles.

Kenny: Hey look, he can’t get through the ropes!

Vic: Not a great way to start of, wouldn’t you say Kenny?

Kenny: There he goes! They had to grease up the ropes, that could be dangerous when the fight starts. No one wants to slip and twist their ankles on lube.

Vic: Ah, it reminds me of my times in Thailand.

Kenny: Gross.

Vic: And here comes The Great One!

Kenny: Wow, Will Smith has lost weight.

Vic: That’s not Will Smith Kenny, that’s Muhammad Ali. Will Smith only played him in a movie. If you will notice, he is being escorted out by his daughter, boxing champion and one spicy dancer, Leila Ali.

Kenny: She’s hot! I’d let her smack my junk around anytime.

Vic: My money is on the table as we speak, Ken. The fans at home might notice the lack of spectators, this 150 person capacity room has been semi-filled with people straight off the Las Vegas strip.

Kenny: They look drunk, dumb, and blood-thirsty.

Vic: Well, that is probably because we got them from the UFC event overflow and got them drunk enough to feel comfortable being a part of this.

(Fight announcements made, referee has both fighters touch gloves, touch gloves, touch gloves, fighters return to corners waiting for fight to begin)

Vic: We are just about underway of the most disgusting financial exploitation in recent memory.

Kenny: You mean outside of Christmas and Valentine’s Day?

Vic: Right you are, Ken. And here we go! Both men are slow out of their corners. Ali, diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease is staring down Tyson. Tyson seems to be having a mild asthma attack two steps out of his corner.

Kenny: There is nothing right about any of this.

Vic: Right you are, Ken. Tyson finally makes it over to Ali. Ali starts working Tyson with his jab. It is not clear at this time if the jabs are intentional or if they are muscle spasms caused by the Parkinson’s, regardless, Tyson seems unable to move his head or torso enough from side to side to avoid any of the blows.

Kenny: Wow, I haven't seen someone's hand move that fast since mine about 15 minutes ago in the bathroom.

Vic: Kenny! (sound of a folding fan hitting Kenny's head is heard)

Kenny: You know, I’ll bet if someone said Ali was made of chocolate, Tyson would fight harder.

Vic: I think you mean bite harder, Kenny. Ali has not yet left his corner and has already landed over 100 jabs to the face of Tyson, who is yet to raise his hands past his waist. In fact... wait, I think that Tyson might be knocked out on his feet.

Kenny: No, he’s just taking a nap. He’s a big guy, they need extra rest.

Vic: Right you are, Ken. Oh, it looks like Ali is winding up for a big right cross... here it comes... here it comes... it is almost there... about an inch away now... it connected!

Kenny: Oh my God! I think that Tyson just took a dump in his pants!

Vic: Right you are, Ken. The massively overweight Tyson has become excessively flatulent. Enough so that even his own corner has elected to talk to Tyson via blue-tooth headset from no less than 15 feet away.

Kenny: Hey, I think that the ref is calling the fight!

Vic: Right you are, Ken. The referee has called a stop to this fight! Evidently, due to his weight gain, his increased chances of diabetes, coronary artery disease and sleep apnea may have gotten the better of him. In just under three minutes of fighting, Ali landed nearing 200 (un)intentional punches to the head of Tyson, who wasn’t able to return even one before soiling himself.

Kenny: I don’t feel so good, Vic. And it isn’t from that smell coming from Tyson.

Vic: And rightly so, Ken. We have just become a part of the downward spiral of financial gain that combat sports seems to be involved in, from the ridiculous matchups in boxing to the over-the-top spectacles in mixed martial arts (such as EliteXC). I think it is pretty safe to say that we are all going to hell for this one.

Kenny: Yeah, I was pretty sure I was anyway, but this kind of clinched it. Hey, at least Ali showed he’s still got it.

Vic: Right you are, Ken. He truly is the Great One. Alright Kenny, it our tradtion of signoffs with MXC, what do we say?

Both: Please don't send us death threats!