The recent appearance of Mike Tyson at the 2008 Video Game Awards on Spike TV has prompted many to wonder what exactly happened to the former champ, more recent felon.
Walking on stage in a less than flattering button down white shirt, fashion critics were first to comment that black would have been far more slimming. However, with the size of the gut on the champ, that would have to be a very black shirt. A shirt so black that light could not escape it.
It was obvious that a life that no longer consisted of the rigorous training regime and strict diet of a professional boxer revealed exactly what can happen to a fighter that has way too much time and money on his hands.
The appearance of the former champ did raise some questions in at least one sports writer’s mind. What if two champions were to meet now? What if the greatest were to fight the meanest?
What if Muhammad Ali stepped into the ring against Mike Tyson, right now, in 2008?
Typically, for these kinds of questions, the Bleacher Report Crystal Ball of Future Sporting Disasters would be used. However, in this case, the BRCBofFSD seemed hesitant to reveal the future. Only after much assurance that this is only a satire and that formal charges would not be raised would the results be revealed.
Disclaimer: If you don’t have a sense of humor and can't comprehend that his articles is purely a work of satire, stop reading now. If you keep reading you forfeit your chances to point that stick you have lodged in your butt at the writer or this website.
Results are in the form of commentary by ring announcers Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano of MXC fame.
Vic: Welcome everybody to FOX and what is sure to be a historic fight at the airport Hilton convention room B in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Kenny: Hey Vic, why are we announcing a boxing match?
Vic: You see Kenny, due to the controversy of this fight, legitimate announcers would have nothing to do with this spectacle.
Kenny: Why couldn't FOX just use that guy that does all the voices on Family Guy?
Vic: He was approached Kenny, but he said he was too busy counting his money and doing funny things to be a part of this.
Kenny: I love that British baby (poor British accent) Victory is going to be mine! (laughs)
Vic: Right you are Kenny. And here come the fighters. First out is former heavyweight champion "Iron" Mike Tyson.
Kenny: Whoa, look at the gut on him. He looks more like "Cookie Dough" Mike Tyson.
Vic: Right you are Ken. Tyson weighed in at a staggering 312 pounds, well over any weight he has ever fought at. Still Kenny, you have to admit he is still possessed of one of the iciest stares in boxing.
Kenny: It looks more like he has the "icing-est" bellies in boxing.
Vic: Right you are, Ken. Tyson's pre-fight diet consisted largely of jelly beans, cake frosting straight from the can and that spray cheese that tastes awesome on Buggles.
Kenny: Hey look, he can’t get through the ropes!
Vic: Not a great way to start of, wouldn’t you say Kenny?
Kenny: There he goes! They had to grease up the ropes, that could be dangerous when the fight starts. No one wants to slip and twist their ankles on lube.
Vic: Ah, it reminds me of my times in Thailand.
Kenny
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