Hello everyone and welcome to my second Raw review!
I almost forgot about the three hour edition of Raw. Almost. Thankfully, I didn't or else I wouldn't be here to review it.
Oh yeah, I am back by popular demand. That means people actually liked my review of last week! That's pretty odd. I considered ending these Raw reviews, most people wanted it to continue, yet I only had one person truly show their appreciation by clicking the props button.
What do you think of that Ron? Ron Simmons is also helping me review Raw from time to time.
I have a few mottos.
Cheating is okay at times. You can never go wrong with KFC. Camping, though annoying, in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 is a good strategy. Finally, if you don't like it, don't read it!
Michael Cole Challenge
Michael Cole and JR start off Raw with the notorious and always entertaining, "Michael Cole Challenge." Being that I'm a big Cole-Miner, this should be good.
The loser of the "Michael Cole Challenge" must leave Raw. Well, Cole leaves WWE if he loses and JR takes his spot.
Challenge one of the intense "Michael Cole Challenge" is an arm wrestling match.
JR actually beat Cole in the arm wrestling?! Okay, okay. One down, two to go. Cole's still in this.
Next up is Michael Cole's strong point: Dancing.
Cole danced on Raw plenty of times and even on NXT. Let's do this.
Cole finishes his dance and we've seen better from you, Michael. JR actually dances as if his job depends on it. Wait, it does. JR busts a move and the fans pick JR as winner over Cole!
The final part of the Challenge is, and the jobs are on the line, a weigh-in? Whoever weighs less wins. Michael Cole obviously weighs less than JR and wins!
Before Michael Cole can celebrate a come from behind win that'll go down in history as one of the best, CM Punk comes out.
CM Punk and Michael Cole in one promo together? I wouldn't mind if this lasts for the full three hours!
Punk calls this whole thing a waste of time and he vows to make wrestling interesting again. GM, Johnny Ace, comes out. He announces a tag match between Big Show and Punk vs. Del Rio and Mark Henry.
After Johnny left, Cole demanded an apology from Punk. Instead, he got an Anaconda Vice from Punk. Not cool, Punk. Not cool.
Matt Striker is in the parking lot and just barely dodges an on-coming limo. I honestly thought he was going to get run over on live TV.
He thinks it's Rock but guess again, it's Mick Foley!
I ran into Mick Foley at an airport a few years ago. I had the honor of seeing his facial expression when he met me. He was so surprised to meet a future writer of the fourth largest sports media site, that being Bleacher Report, and here I am now!
No, he had no idea who I was. It was entirely the other way around. I was surprised to see him, got a picture, autograph and all that good stuff. Foley is awesome.
Cody Rhodes and Hunico vs. Kofi Kingston and Sin Cara
Cody came out and his partner, former X Division Champion, Homicide—No it's a bald Chavo Guerrero? No it's actor Jesse Garcia from The Comebacks!
Relax. I'm just kidding. Hence the (Humor) in the title. We all know it's our buddy, Sin Cara Negro just without his mask. Hunico!
Cody Rhodes finally came to the ring without his mask. Just worth mentioning.
After a pretty good back and forth match, Rhodes hit Cross-Rhodes on Kofi for the win.
Winners: Cody Rhodes and Hunico
These four guys will be a part of the Team Barrett vs. Team Orton match at Survivor Series.
Mason Ryan vs. United States Champion, Dolph Ziggler
Before the match (and a few commercials) Vickie Guerrero announced Christian's injury and his replacement being my broski, D-Ziggs.
Mason Ryan tossed Ziggler around the ring for a short while until Vickie Guerrero slapped him across the face for the disqualification.
Winner: By Disqualification, Mason Ryan
Ziggler tried leaving with Vickie but John Morrison threw him into the ring and fed him to Mason Ryan. Ryan dropped Ziggler as Morrison had a brief exchange with Vickie.
This is Your Life, John Cena....in PG!
Mick Foley came to the ring wearing a half Team Bring It half John Cena shirt. I prefer his TNA theme over his WWE theme but that's just me and not the point.
Foley wanted to get Rock and Cena on the same page before Survivor Series and what better way than to do another "This is Your Life" segment, this time with John Cena.
Foley did the same thing, but way funnier and better, with The Rock a while ago.
Foley brought out Cena's old baseball coach, his former tag team partner B-2 and even Cena's dad. All of Foley's picks embarrassed Cena.
After John Cena Sr. was done calling the Boston crowd stupid for booing his son, The Rock came out. Foley wanted to hug Rock but just got put to sleep with a Rock Bottom.
Good night, Mick.
Jack Swagger vs. Sheamus
This was a fairly short match but I was still getting over the fact that Rock knocked Mick Foley out.
Sheamus was on point as usual and got the win over the former World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger.
Team Barrett won one, now Team Orton just got one win. Not like anyone's keeping score, right?
Kelly Kelly vs. Natalya
Before the match, they aired a video package of Kelly Kelly on set of her Maxim photo shoot.
Now in the ring, Kelly is sucking up to the Boston crowd by wearing a Brady jersey. In a match shorter than the Maxim video package, Kelly got the win over Natalya.
Winner: Kelly Kelly
How the hell does Natalya keep losing?! Oh yeah, Eve faces Beth Phoenix for the Divas title this Sunday.
World Heavyweight Champion, Mark Henry and WWE Champion, Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show and CM Punk
Backstage, ADR attacks CM Punk before the match.
During Punk's entrance, did anyone else notice Del Rio grab Ricardo by his nipple? Weird (3:50).
I just noticed but most of the champions in WWE at the moment are heel. Del Rio, Henry, Phoenix, Ziggler and Rhodes. Everyone but Kofi.
Big Show was loaded with energy tonight and I liked to see that. I guess he and Punk quickly patched up their differences from the past. SES anybody?
Big Show was the work horse for his team and he did good. Henry and Del Rio also did their part as well.
Show tagged in Punk who came in on fire. He knocked Del Rio around and kicked three buckets worth of sweat off Mark Henry's face.
Punk set up for his springboard clothesline on ADR but Henry pushed him out of the way, caught Punk and planted him with the World's Strongest Slam.
Big Show hit a pounce. POOOUUNCE! (Sorry, it's a habit. That's a Monty Brown reference by the way, not Marcus Cor Von. There's a difference.)
Show and Henry took their fight outside the ring and Del Rio pinned Punk for the win. King said if this happens on Sunday, Del Rio will retain his title.
Winners: Mark Henry and Alberto Del Rio
Yeah, sure. Del Rio doesn't get pin fall wins in title defenses.
Santino meets Kevin Nash
Santino Marella comes out and reminds everyone of how he almost won the Royal Rumble match earlier this year in the very building in which Raw takes place tonight.
He promises to come back to Boston as a champion next time around.
Kevin Nash comes out. Santino asks Nash if he's going to hurt him. Nash says he's a big Santino fan and asks how to do the trumbone taunt. Just as Santino does it, Nash kicks him in the face. Then Nash knocks Santino out (even more?) with a Jackknife Powerbomb.
Nash says that he's here on Raw and HHH is not.
Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett
Both guys come out with their teams for Survivor Series. That means one thing; brawl.
Orton sets up for an RKO after a short exchange. Cody Rhodes runs in and there's a disqualification win for Randy Orton.
Winner: Randy Orton via Disqualification
Team Orton and Team Barrett charge the ring and brawl. The faces toss out every heel except for Hunico.
Hunico gets hit with an RKO then is tossed out of the ring by Mason Ryan. I called Hunico our buddy earlier and now he's getting beaten down. What?!
RAW Gets Rocked
The Rock finally comes out for a promo that lasted nearly 20 minutes according to wwe.com and time well worth it.
The Rock hypes up the TD Garden and gives a run down of his schedule that I don't find necessary. Rock wants to put boots to asses and calls out Awesome Truth.
Miz and Truth come out and stir up some trouble. Truth wants to fight Rock here and now while Miz is more calm about it.
John Cena comes out after some Miz-talk. Cena and Rock start making fun of each other and make for some good TV time. I liked it.
"Cena's lady parts." "Cena b*tch slapped Rock" can be possible trending topics on Twitter thanks to their back and forth exchange.
Eventually, the two teams start to fight. Rock drops Truth with a Rock Bottom and Cena sets up Miz for an AA but Rock hits a Rock Bottom on the other half of Awesome Truth.
Rock walks out and taunts Cena with his "You can't see me" taunt. That taunt is also in Saints Row: The Third which has got nothing but positive reviews so be sure to pick that game up on Tuesday. Oh yeah, the taunt is labeled under "The Marine" just in case you want to make John Cena and raise hell in the city of Steelport.
Wow, was that off topic.
- I liked the Michael Cole Challenge. Don't judge me
- Mick Foley is back in WWE
- Rhodes & Hunico vs. Kofi & Cara
- 'This is Your Life' segment
- ADR & Henry vs. Show & Punk
- RAW gets Rocked in the end
- 'This is Your Life' segment
- Some matches too short
This episode of RAW has gotten mixed reviews on Twitter but I enjoyed some parts of it. The Pro list outweighs the Con list so I give it a positive review.
Thanks for reading. Watch IMPACT this Thursday, watch Survivor Series this Sunday and buy Saints Row: The Third.
Friend me on Xbox, follow me on Twitter, leave your props for this article and take care, spike your hair! Woo woo woo, you know it! Z! True Long Island Story intro and conclusion, only on my review.