The Ten Commandments of Sports

The Ten Commandments of Basketball

1.  Thou shalt not ask Coach to "give me the damn ball."

2.  Thou shalt not flop.

3.  Thou shalt not take His Airness Jordan's name in vain.

4.  Thou shalt always practice.

5.  Blessed are the passers, to whom sharing is an art.

6.  Thou shalt covet thy neighbor's superstar.

7.  Remember the great duos, and keep teamwork holy: Stockton and Malone, Jordan and Pippen, Magic and Kareem.

8.  Thou shalt bestow upon thy heroes the greatest of nicknames: The Stilt, The Glide, and the King. Dr J, The Mailman, and the Admiral. The Dream, Magic, and the Zen Master.

9.  Thou shalt not forsake the mid-range jumper.

10. Thou shalt covet every single loose ball.

The Ten Commandments of Hockey

1.  Thou shalt grow a playoff beard.

2.  Thou shalt never touch Gretzky, lest ye suffer the wrath of McSorley.

3.  Thou shalt help lift up the fallen with the sound of sticks on the boards.

4.  Never shalt thou lift the Cup, unless ye have rightfully won it.

5.  Thou shalt not drop the Cup, lest ye be smote.

6.  Thou shalt never check the goalie.

7.  Thy sweaters shall be simple, with humble shoulder yokes, stripes on thy sleeves and above thy hemline, and they shall laceth up at the collar.

8.  Honor thy fathers and thy mothers: The Original Six.

9.  Lest ye be dishonorable, thou shalt remove thy helmet and thy gloves before single combat.  Unless ye be a goalie, in which case thou shall gettest it on already.

10. Thou shalt never again wear No. 99.



And last, but not least, The Ten Commandments of Soccer

1.  Thou shalt not act as though a sniper has smote ye.

2.  Thou shalt smite hooligans, lest ye be smote first.

3.  Thou shalt not neglect thy hair on the pitch.

4.  Thou shalt not useth thine hands, lest thou usest the Hand of God.

5.  Thou shalt always act innocent after a cleats-up tackle.

6.  Be fruitful and bicycle kick.

7.  Thou shalt leave thy rivalries between the lines.

8.  Thou shalt praise the soccer gods by dancing, and honor them by sacrificing one piece of thy clothing per goal.

9.  Thou shalt honor thy flag above all else, yet stand in humble reverence of thy opponent's in defeat.

10. Thou shalt complain about penalty kick shootouts, yet secretly revel in their holiness.

Thus sayeth the Lord. Now go out and playeth ball!

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