NFL: Which 2011 Film Best Describes Your Quarterback?

Anthony Rizzuti@@Anthony_RizzutiSenior Analyst IIINovember 21, 2011

NFL: Which 2011 Film Best Describes Your Quarterback?

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    As a fan of film, I must say 2011 has been a bit of a down year for the movie industry. There have been very few, if any, classics, and many highly anticipated films simply haven't delivered.

    And worst of all, Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill wasn't as epic as we thought. I mean, how can you go wrong? The 21st century Adam Sandler playing the role of a rich, sarcastic couch potato and dressing up in drag to play his nasty twin sister? How did that ever miss?

    But sarcasm aside, I have decided to make this year's movies a bit more pleasant by adding some football to it.

    So sit back, relax, and see which 2011 film best describes your team's quarterback.

Drew Brees: Friends with Benefits

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    Since joining the organization back in 2006, Drew Brees has made himself quite popular amongst his Saints teammates. He's gained all of their respect, he's won them a Super Bowl and he makes up those cute, little chants they sing before each game.

    His best friends, however, are his targets on offense. Brees has made a viable option out of just about running back, wideout and tight end on the roster.

    At this point in the 2011 season, Brees has thrown touchdowns to eight different players and has completed at least 30 passes to five different players.

Tony Romo: 50/50

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    We all know there's two sides to Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. There's the Romo that comes up in the clutch and the Romo that, well, doesn't.

    We can see him throw three or four touchdowns one week, then give up the ball three or four times the next. There's a 50 percent chance of seeing "Good Romo" and a 50 percent chance of seeing "Bad Romo." 

Tim Tebow: The Art of Getting By

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    Who says you can't win football games with your quarterback throwing at a 44.8 percent completion rate? Not Tim Tebow.

    It is no secret that Tebow isn't exactly your typical NFL quarterback. He is never on-target, he can't throw from the pocket and his first instinct is to take off and run. He also throws the ugliest ball in the league and has the most painful looking motion.

    In fact, I'm pretty sure my grandmother can throw a tighter spiral than him.

    But despite all of that, "Football Jesus" has led the Broncos to an impressive 4-1 record. For a team that won just all of four games last year and has very little talent on both sides of the ball, that's nothing short of amazing. Tebow is showing us all the art of getting by.

Cam Newton: Limitless

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    Do you know why everyone in North Carolina is smiling? Because they finally found their franchise quarterback in Cam Newton.

    Although the Panthers are struggling at a 2-8 mark, the organization couldn't be happier with their No. 1 overall pick. Newton has flashed all the signs of being the ultimate quarterback and more.

    We have seen how dangerous this man is with a football in his hands. But in addition to his arm strength, accuracy, rushing skills, field vision, pocket poise and big play ability, Newton is a natural leader.

    He has won everywhere he has been and is on his way to doing the same in Charlotte. Simply put, Newton is a quarterback who can do a lot of everything.

    There are no limits on Newton's potential.

Aaron Rodgers: Another Happy Day

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    Moseying along into Week 12, Aaron Rodgers and his Green Bay Packers couldn't be happier. They have won 16 straight games, are undoubtedly the league's best team and oh yeah, they are defending Super Bowl Champions.

    Every day that passes just seems to be another happy one for Rodgers.

Ryan Fitzpatrick: The Mechanic

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    Quite frankly, the Buffalo Bills have been nothing short of disappointing in the last 15 or so years.

    However, many people within the organization believe Ryan Fitzpatrick is the man who can lead them back to relevance. And surprisingly, the Harvard man has turned in a more than respectable 2011 campaign thus far.

    In 10 games, Fitzpatrick has thrown 16 touchdowns with over 2,000 passing yards at a 63.6 percent completion rate. The Bills currently sit at 5-5 and are just behind the AFC East leading New England Patriots.

    Will Fitzpatrick continue this modest success and fix this ailing franchise?

Tom Brady: Captain America: The First Avenger

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    If you have seen the Captain America film, you know the "First Avenger" had to gain respect from his doubters.

    He was just a scrawny guy who had no prospects of becoming a soldier in the U.S. Army. He was too short, too skinny and just about everybody in the film ridiculed his attempts at joining the war effort. However, with some perseverance and a little help from science, the once feeble boy became a combat machine.

    Tom Brady has gone through a relatively similar situation. Brady was just a sixth-round draft pick (199th overall) when he came out of Michigan to the NFL. Little did anyone know, the sixth-rounder would become arguably the best quarterback in the history of the game.

Curtis Painter: The Sitter

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    The job of a babysitter entails watching over children as their parents or parent is away. Basically, they fill in until the real deal comes back.

    This is exactly what Curtis Painter is doing for the Indianapolis Colts. Until Peyton Manning returns or Andrew Luck is drafted, Painter is babysitting this winless debacle of a team.

Mark Sanchez: Bridesmaids

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    Always a bridesmaid and never a bride.

    That old saying holds some truth for New York's Mark Sanchez. In the first two seasons of his professional career, Sanchez led his Jersey Jets to consecutive AFC title games.

    However, Sanchez failed to get his team over the hump in both games and was forced to watch the Super Bowl at home. He was pretty close to getting there, but didn't quite do it. 

Jay Cutler: Arthur

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    In the remake of the 1981 film Arthur, Russell Brand takes the role of an alcoholic playboy with zero regard for his working life. Arthur (Brand) is in prime position for success, however, his immaturity always seemed to be his downfall.

    This is also the case for Chicago's Jay Cutler. Although a very promising talent, Cutler doesn't make the most favorable or most sensible choices as the Bears' quarterback. You can refer to his boatload of interceptions every season, his not-so great attitude on the field, and his questionable game against Green Bay in last year's NFC Championship Game.  

    Just as Arthur, Cutler needs to develop some maturity to get to that next level.

Philip Rivers: Hall Pass

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    Before his 2011 campaign, Philip Rivers has had himself quite a career. 

    Since becoming the team's starter in 2006, Rivers has passed for at least 21 touchdowns and 3100 yards in each of the last five seasons. Rivers has also never missed a start in his career and consistently keeps his Chargers in playoff contention.

    2011, however, hasn't been so kind to the San Diego quarterback. Through 10 games, Rivers has thrown more interceptions than touchdowns and has his team looking up at Oakland and Denver in the AFC West.

    Since the man has been so good prior to this season, doesn't he deserve a hall pass in 2011? I think so.

Andy Dalton: In Time

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    I wouldn't say Andy Dalton has had an epic year, nor is he anywhere near the level of fellow rookie QB Cam Newton. But the red-haired wonder seems to be working some magic in Cincy.

    He has put up some respectable numbers and has his Bengals right in the middle of the AFC North race alongside Pittsburgh and Baltimore.

    In time, Dalton may become one of the game's better leaders and quarterbacks.

Michael Vick: Footloose

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    This one is a little obvious, isn't it?

    Footloose, feet, Michael Vick, run. Get it? Good.

Alex Smith: The Big Year

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    Here's a sentence Niner fans have winced at over the years:

    With the first pick in the 2005 NFL draft, the San Francisco 49ers select Alex Smith, quarterback, Utah.

    In his first six seasons in the NFL, the former No. 1 pick has been anything but No. 1. Smith never posted good numbers, and the Niners were just as bad as they were before drafting him.

    But here in 2011, Alex Smith has turned around his career as well as the franchise. Smith has the 49ers at a remarkable 9-1 record, something no one could have predicted. In fact, it's just a matter of weeks until the team clinches the NFC West and possibly some home field advantage for the postseason.

    Alex Smith is having an exceptional season, and I'm sure nobody in San Francisco is chanting for David Carr anymore.

Matt Ryan: Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

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    Sorry, Atlanta fans, you might hate me for this. 

    But let me assure you I'm not comparing Matt Ryan to Justin Bieber. I'm actually comparing him to the "Never Say Never" part.

    Ryan has always carried a positive, can-do attitude on and off the field. He always keeps his teammates in the game and has always had their full support since joining the franchise in 2008.

    Behind the leadership of Ryan, the Falcons and their fans will remain upbeat and believe they have a shot at the Super Bowl.

Sam Bradford: The Hangover II

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    Sam Bradford had himself quite a rookie campaign back in 2010. The Sooner threw for 18 touchdowns and over 3,000 yards with the Rams last season. More amazingly, he nearly carried a team, who had just one win the season prior, to a division title.

    This year, however, has been considerably worse for Bradford and his Rams. It's been riddled with injuries, disappointing box scores and a bunch of losses. Must be some sort of a hangover, right?

Matt Hasselbeck: Super 8

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    After drafting Washington's Jake Locker in the 2011 draft, the Titans brought in veteran quarterback Matt Hasselbeck. Hoping he would bring some knowledge to their draft choice and relevance to their team, the Titans inked the former Seahawk to a three-year deal.

    Fortunately for Tennessee, the signing has proved quite valuable. Hasselbeck has put up some decent numbers through 10 games and has the team just two games behind Houston in the AFC South.

    If he can come back from his Week 11 injury, perhaps No. 8 can continue to be super and catapult his squad over the Matt Schaub-less Texans.

Joe Flacco: Killer Joe

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    The Baltimore Ravens have all the tools to hoist that Lombardi Trophy come season's end. One main concern, however, is the ability of starting quarterback Joe Flacco. 

    Flacco is definitely one of the league's better quarterbacks and does have the potential to keep this franchise a scary one. He has the arm, he has the weapons and he has an incredible buddy right behind him in Ray Rice. 

    It's only a matter of developing a killer instinct to get this team past the AFC and beyond.

Tarvaris Jackson: The Thing

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    When you don't know what to call something, you end up addressing it as "the thing."

    For example..."Hey honey, can you get me that uh....that...thing?"


    "What the hell is that thing?"

    Since we don't really now what to make of Tarvaris Jackson, he's "The Thing." Sometimes he looks decent, most of the time he looks bad. 

Matthew Stafford: The Lion King 3D

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    Here's another obvious one. 

    Matthew Stafford is playing extremely for the Lions well thus far, hence, he's the lion king. 

Josh Freeman: Fast Five

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    When Josh Freeman was drafted by Tampa Bay in 2009, many thought the selection was quite the sleeper. Guess what...they were right.

    Freeman already has the look of a franchise quarterback and has given his organization something to bank on in the foreseeable future.

    No. 5 has certainly gotten off to a fast start in his career.

Blaine Gabbert: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

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    Blaine Gabbert has been "eh" in his rookie season. He looks pretty good, he has his team in a better spot than last season, and he could very well be "the guy" in Jacksonville.

    However, his weak numbers in 2011 should be put into some consideration. In eight starts this year, Gabbert has thrown just six touchdown passes for 1,235 yards. He is also tossing the ball at an ugly 48.9 percent completion rate.

    This could be attributed to a lack of playmaking wideouts on offense or can just be a case of growing pains for the young QB. But until he proves otherwise, he's just another wimpy kid.

Matt Schaub: Sucker Punch

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    The Houston Texans were riding high going into Week 10. They were 6-3 and were atop an otherwise weak division. Their offense was explosive, their defense was incredibly tough and it looked like they were finally going to make the playoffs.

    The Texans went on to win their game in Week 10, but lost something more important...their quarterback. Houston lost Matt Schaub for the rest of the season to a devastating foot injury.

    Despite the injury, the team is still in prime position to take the AFC South and make the postseason. However, losing Matt Schaub was nothing short of a sucker punch to a team that was plain ol' rollin'. 

Ben Roethlisberger: Real Steel

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    You can argue this comparison comes as a byproduct of the film's name and Big Ben's team name. However, that isn't the angle I'm reaching for here.

    The true grit (hey, another movie!) Roethlisberger possesses makes him as tough as steel. Whether it be a sprained foot, fractured thumb or any other bothersome injury, this guy is always on the field. 

    He even came back from a nasty motorcycle accident that left him with fractures to his jaw, a nine-inch laceration on the back of his head and a couple of broken teeth.

Rex Grossman: Horrible Bosses

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    Is Rex Grossman is a good quarterback? Eh, not really. He's decent, I guess.

    But should he be the starting the quarterback of perhaps the most disappointing team in the league? No.

    The Redskins fans deserve more than Grossman. After all the hot garbage known as Washington Redskins quarterbacks, the team and its supporters are desperately in need of "that guy." And Grossman isn't him.

    Having Grossman as the starting QB is a byproduct of the horrible management going on in Washington. We all know how bad Dan Synder is. And Mike Shanahan has done absolutely nothing since taking the head coaching job. 

    The front office even dropped the ball when they drafted Ryan Kerrigan and passed up a shot at Blaine Gabbert. Kerrigan has had a phenomenal year and was a great pick in terms of adding defense.

    But I think the much larger concern for the organization was taking a quarterback, which they didn't.

    For the fans' sake, I hope they don't pass up any of the QBs in the upcoming draft.

Eli Manning: Zookeeper

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    When it comes to reporting professional sports, there is nothing like the media in New York. It's a big time city with big time fans, big time newspapers and a whole bunch of guys to answer to.

    I guess it can be best described as a zoo. 

    And how has Eli Manning handled this zoo during his career in New York? I'd say pretty damn well.

    Eli has carried himself with the utmost professionalism while keeping the Giants in playoff contention just about every season. And let's not forget that Super Bowl...

    Manning has made quite a career in the Big Apple and has certainly gained a ton of respect along the way.

Matt Moore: Dolphin Tale

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    Here is the real "Dolphin Tale." I'm not talking about the one with Morgan Freeman and an animated flipper. 

    I'm talking about a tale that has plagued the Miami Dolphins franchise since the retirement of Dan Marino. What is that tale, you ask? 

    It's the lack of a legitimate starting quarterback. I would normally give you some names of past Miami quarterbacks here, but I don't want to offend any Fins fans. 

    Anyway, Matt Moore is a decent QB but isn't the long-term solution for this organization. He's just another part in this Dolphin tale.

Christian Ponder: Battle: Los Angeles

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    The recent talk of an NFL franchise moving away to Los Angeles has many fans quite concerned. Unfortunately for Minnesota fans, the Vikings are in that conversation.*

    Maybe Christian Ponder can somehow help keep the Vikings in the Twin Cities. I'm not saying he has to go out on the streets and petition a move. But maybe he can bring the Vikings back into relevance.

    If Ponder can get the team back into the picture, perhaps they'll find some agreement to stay.

    *Team officials have already received a thumbs up to build a new stadium just north of St. Paul.

Carson Palmer: The Help

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    With Jason Campbell as their starting quarterback, the Oakland Raiders actually looked quite impressive to start the season. But when he went down for the rest of the year with a broken collarbone, the 2011 campaign fell into some doubt.

    But in an attempt to keep their playoff hopes going, Oakland eventually traded away a first-round pick in 2012 and a conditional second in 2013 to Cincinnati for Carson Palmer. 

    Many initially laughed at the trade, proposing it would put Oakland in a hole for the upcoming seasons. However, the deal looks to be paying off dividends as the Raiders sit atop the AFC West.

    Palmer has provided a boatload of help and has given the team a legitimate quarterback option for a potential playoff run.

Matt Cassel: Something Borrowed

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    I have a little hunch that the Kansas City Chiefs are trying to emulate the New England Patriots franchise.

    The Chiefs picked up sloppy seconds on Romeo Crennel, Charlie Weiss and more recently, Scott Pioli.

    So when Matt Cassel became available during draft day in 2009, the Chiefs jumped at the opportunity. Maybe they thought they were borrowing the next Tom Brady from New England.

Colt McCoy: Just Go with It

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    Colt McCoy may have been one of the greatest NCAA quarterbacks of all-time. However, McCoy wasn't exactly the hottest prospect in the sport when he made the jump to the pros.

    But now as a starter, McCoy looks all right. He doesn't put up tremendous numbers and he may not have the prototypical NFL QB stature. But McCoy has put together a relatively impressive start to his career. 

    Just give this guy a few playmakers and just go with it.

Kevin Kolb: Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil

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    For some particular reason, there has always been some hoopla around Kevin Kolb. Many people, more specifically guys within the Eagles organization, believed Kolb was a big time player in the making.

    So when the Cards traded for him this offseason, they probably thought they were getting some type of franchise quarterback.

    Well guess doesn't look like it. The Cardinals just got hoodwinked.