MMA Sweet Tweets: UFC on Fox, Brittney Palmer and More
Before I revive the sexiest article in all of MMA and bring the Earth’s population of soccer moms into a frenzy, I just have one simple question to ask.
Who is that clown-ass laying underneath my future ex-wife, Brittney Palmer?
Hey Fabio, do yourself a solid and hit the bricks before said bricks are punted up your rear-end so hard that they fly out your mouth and hit Justin Timberlake in the face while he’s dropping off some timber on the can.
I have more wives than Snow White has dwarfs and I’m not sharing them with anyone. Not for free at least.
Now that I got that out of the way, I’d like to officially welcome my army of Mitchaholics to another edition of MMA Sweet Tweets here on Bleacher Report MMA.
With UFC on Fox 1 on the horizon, I figured now is as good a time as any to bring back the hottest weekly piece on the internet.
Hide your wife, hide your kids and let the resurrection begin.
There’s just something about Brittney Palmer that drives the MMA community wild.
It could be her witty persona or her artistic talent or the fact that she’s hotter than Satan’s living room. Whatever it is, fans love Palmer more than they love bacon flavored ice cream.
In the past when an Octagon girl left the UFC to pursue other ambitions, fans would be upset initially but wouldn’t think twice about it the next day. When Palmer announced she would be taking a LOA to go to art school, those same fans were absolutely devastated.
This is a true story but I once stopped an MMA fan from jumping off their balcony. Granted, their balcony was only about 10 feet high but the little guy was going to jump because he couldn’t see Palmer on his television screen anymore.
I told him not to worry because in my exclusive interview with Palmer back in August, she confirmed that she would indeed be returning to the UFC very soon.
Sure enough, UFC President Dana White confirmed her return on Twitter this week.
Also be sure to order Brittney's new calendar, available on her website, BrittneyPalmer.com. The headline photo of this article was actually an outtake from her new calendar.
Riding an impressive two-fight win streak in the UFC, Garza will look to establish himself as a contender in the featherweight division when he meets Dustin Poirier at UFC on Fox 1 in the undercard.
Nicknamed “The Scarecrow,” Garza’s training regime in preparation for Poirier was incredibly intense.
Every day Garza would wake up at 0400 and sprint down the yellow brick road as the Tin Man and Dorothy attempted to run him over with a Mack truck.
Clearly, his cardio will be through the roof for this fight.
Recent sweet tweet: “Weigh ins day, time to shed some pounds! Thanks for everybody's support I have the best fans in the world!
If Dustin “Diamond” Poirier fought Dustin Diamond, not even the bell could save Screech from getting his head kicked off his tiny little shoulders.
Poirier is a lethal striker with solid takedown defense and a tattoo on his right nipple that would make Mike Tyson cower in fear like a scolded dog.
He might not be the featured fight this weekend but he could bring home a hefty bonus regardless.
Recent sweet tweet: “Gotta protect my candy castle!!
Another one of my beloved wives, Jennifer Swift is on the fast track to MMA superstardom.
In my exclusive interview with “Ms. TapouT,” Swift confirmed that I’m the best looking columnist in MMA and that she wants to have my babies. This was off the record of course but nonetheless a true statement made by Ms. Swift.
Joking aside Swift is one of the hottest ring girls in our sport and a very cool chick to interact with.
She also has a tight… triangle choke from what I understand. I’m interested to see if she’d be able to choke me out with it.
Babes of MMA
I don’t know who that mysterious silver chick is in their logo but I might have to hit home-girl up.
Babes of MMA is a website dedicated to the beautiful women of MMA. If you love looking at sexy half-naked ladies, this blog is right up your alley.
But if you want to learn the secrets of looking at those same ladies, fully naked, give me a buck forty and a bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red and I will share my secrets with you.
Recent sweet tweet: “Meet Sexy MMA Ring Girl Brooke Lynette: We recently connected with MMA ring girl and model Brooke Lynette and im...”
Nearly one year ago today, Ben Henderson dropped a close split decision to Anthony Pettis at WEC 53 in Phoenix, Arizona.
Henderson lost his WEC lightweight championship and what would have been a guaranteed shot at the UFC title in the process.
Since that defeat, Henderson has been on a mission to work his way back to the gold. He smashed Mark Bocek in his UFC debut, steamrolled then-top contender Jim Miller and is now just 24 hours away from fighting Clay Guida to determine who is next in line for a title shot.
If Henderson gets past Guida, it has been confirmed that he will fight Frankie Edgar for the lightweight title in the UFC’s return to Japan in 2012.
Twenty-nine years ago, a caveman fell in love with the energizer bunny and out popped Clay Guida.
Since relocating to Albuquerque, New Mexico, Guida has been on an absolute tear in the 155 lbs division. Once a gatekeeper, Guida is now a win away from competing for the coveted UFC lightweight championship.
His fight with Henderson won’t be featured on FOX but it will serve as the nights co-main event and potentially could be the FOTN.
Recent sweet tweet: “Did anyone send me some pics from open work out today?”
I’m not quite sure what the “P” stands for but I do know that this one MMA fan you won’t regret following.
A 26-year-old massage therapist that loves sports, Sophie is every man’s dream. The problem is, not every man can have her.
Her heart and hands (get your heads out of the gutter you sick freaks, I’m talking about a massage) are reserved for one man and one man only and that man happens to be the undisputed king of MMA social media and the very same man writing this sexylicious article.
If you want her, you’ll have to get through me and we all know what the end result would be. I don’t like to share.
I used to knock kids out with my enormous bottle when I was in preschool because they kept trying to steal my cookies.
Recent sweet tweet: “Veterans should be honored 365 days a year not just one! God bless you for all your endless sacrifices and keeping us safe 💜 true heroes 💚”
On her Twitter profile, Brittany Hall describes herself as “just an MMA babe from Atlanta, Georgia”. I lived in Atlanta for four years and had no idea that such a gorgeous MMA peach was right in my neck of the woods that whole time.
Not much is known about her but rumors are circulating that she might be the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe, only sexier.
Recent sweet tweet: “HAPPY
#VETERANSDAY MUCH <3 TO THOSE WHO SERVE AND PROTECT WITH HONOR!!”
There really isn’t anything quirky or funny to say about the UFC Heavyweight champion, and even if there was Velasquez would pound my head into the ground for making wise cracks.
This Saturday night on FOX, Velasquez will take part in the most significant fight in the history of MMA when he defends his title against number one contender Junior dos Santos.
The bout will take place in the very same arena that Velasquez won the heavyweight crown against Brock Lesnar back at UFC 121—the Honda Center in Anaheim, California.
If victorious, the city of Anaheim may have to consider renaming the arena “Cain Velasquez Stadium”.
Junior Dos Santos
In the history of the heavyweight division, there has not been a more deserving contender than Junior dos Santos.
Here’s a man who is unbeaten in the UFC and has destroyed a laundry list of tough opponents since his debut in 2008.
Some fighters will win a big fight, talk a lot of smack and instantly get a title shot but dos Santos worked for it.
Wins over Fabricio Werdum, Stefan Struve, Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic, Gilbert Yvel, Gabriel Gonzaga, Roy Nelson and Shane Carwin have brought dos Santos to this pivotal clash with Velasquez on Fox.
If you follow him on Twitter, you could potentially be following the next heavyweight champion of the world and a future hall of famer.
Recent sweet tweet: “Boa sorte aos alunos do Colégio Analise que farão vestibular da UFBA dia 12! eu de cinturão e vocês aprovados! @colégio_analise”
*Translation: MMA Sweet Tweets is better than homemade Apple Pie
Hire Heroes USA
As a proud member of the United States Military, I highly encourage you to support the Hire Heroes USA organization.
Quoted from their website, Hire Heroes USA’s mission is to offer transition assistance, job search assistance, and job placement services to those who have honorably served in the US military—and to their spouses—in order to reduce veteran unemployment.
HHUSA prioritizes veterans statistically most likely to be unemployed: veterans of Operations IRAQI FREEDOM and ENDURING FREEDOM, and veterans that are wounded or disabled.
Without these noble warriors, we wouldn’t be here today. They served us, let’s do all that we can to serve them.
Happy Veterans Day!
Follow Mitch Ciccarelli and B/R MMA
Mitch Ciccarelli is the sexiest columnist in MMA. He’s so sexy, that even top ranked welterweight contenders get pissed when Ciccarelli flirts with their girlfriends. When Chuck Norris goes to sleep at night, he looks under his bed…not for the boogey man, but for Ciccarelli. Follow this Godlike writer on Twitter @mitchciccarelli
Recent sweet tweet: "You know, I love when people are drunk and they just start screaming for no reason. Actually I don't. Might have to break a boot in this kid"
Bleacher Report MMA is on a mission to take over the world in 2012. Not even the Mayans could predict what B/R MMA has in store for the media world in the near future.
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!