The 20 Funniest and Most Entertaining Twitter Handles by Athletes
We all know how much Twitter has helped bridge the gap between athletes and fans. It helps us get to know our favourite athletes on a more personal level and feel more connected to them.
With that being said, most athletes have extremely boring Twitter handles. I’m not talking about their tweets or how they come across in terms of their personality. I’m strictly talking about the names that athletes choose to go by on Twitter.
For example, one of the most popular athletes on Twitter is golfer Stewart Cink. He is extremely personable and is great at interacting with his fans, but his handle is @stewartcink. That’s not a very creative handle and neither is @SHAQ or @ovi8 (Alexander Ovechkin).
This is specifically about the funniest, most creative and entertaining handles.
After all, there are hundreds of lists telling you which athletes to follow or who the top tweeters are in each professional sport, so my list of Twitter athletes is a little different.
One side note before I begin. The athletes Twitter account must be active and the athlete must have tweeted within the last two months in order to qualify for this list. Therefore the deleted account of @KungFuAstronaut (Martellus Bennett of the Dallas Cowboys) unfortunately isn’t in on the list. Also, while a handle like @MettaWorldPeace for Ron Artest might seem funny, that’s now Artest’s real name so it’s really just another standard Twitter handle.
Here are the 20 best athlete Twitter handles for your enjoyment, in no particular order:
@Dutch_Oven45: Derek Holland of the Texas Rangers
Wearing No. 45 in your program, Texas Rangers starting pitcher Derek Holland became much better known around the sports world during the recent MLB postseason. Holland played an important role in helping the Rangers get to Game 7 of the World Series with his solid pitching.
His immature but hilarious Twitter handle has nothing to do with that though. If you don’t know what the term Dutch Oven refers to, here’s the definition courtesy of urbandictionary.com. I told you it was immature.
It makes you wonder if Derek Holland actually does this when he's in bed with someone. Then again, I'd rather not think about what Derek Holland does in the bedroom.
@QBKILLA: Warren Sapp retired NFL player
The recently retired and future Hall-of-Fame defensive lineman Warren Sapp has always had a sense of humour. His personality is as large as his 330 pound frame was in his playing days, so it’s not surprising that he went with QBKILLA as his Twitter handle.
He nearly killed many quarterbacks when he was on the field and he continues to kill them with his tweets.
@BearJew36: Ian Kadish of the Toronto Blue Jays organization
To understand this reference, you need to have watched the 2009 Quentin Tarantino film Inglourious Basterds.
The Bear Jew is the nickname of the most ruthless Jewish-American soldier that is known for killing Nazi’s with a baseball bat during the Second World War.
Apparently Ian Kadish, a pitcher in the Toronto Blue Jays minor league system, is a fan of this movie and this character.
@shattdueces: Kevin Shattenkirk of the St. Louis Blues
Kevin Shattenkirk’s name starts with Shatt and he wears No. 22 for the St. Louis Blues.
Using his clever mind and some top notch toilet humour, he came up with shattdueces. If you don’t understand what that means, I can’t help you. Well done Kevin!
@GrillCheese49: Jason Grilli of the Pittsburgh Pirates
If your last name has the word Grill in it and you enjoy grilled cheese sandwiches, you may as well go with GrillCheese as your Twitter handle. It’s a clever use of your own name and it’s a tasty snack!
@TheGarfoose: Dirk Hayhurst of the Tampa Bay Rays
When I first saw Dirk Hayhurst’s Twitter handle, I laughed. I didn’t know what a Garfoose was, but it sounded funny. So I did some research and found out that it’s a magical half giraffe, half moose created by Hayhurst himself to support kids with special needs. You can read about it in detail on Hayhurst’s website. It’s quite the story and it's actually very touching. Nevertheless, it’s still a funny word and an inspiring character at the same time.
@BizNasty2Point0: Paul Bissonnette of the Phoenix Coyotes
If it wasn’t for Twitter, no one would even know who Paul Bissonnette is. As it stands, he is the king of Twitter among NHL players with more followers than anyone else in hockey. This is pretty amazing considering he’s barely even in the NHL. He was even named as one of only two NHLers on Sports Illustrated’s Top 100 Most Influential Twitter Handles in Sports.
As for the handle, it’s as entertaining as his tweets. It might not make you laugh out loud, but saying BizNasty should at least give you a chuckle, especially if it makes you think of Mr. Bissonnette’s tweets.
@thecooleyzone: Chris Cooley of the Washington Redskins
Forget about the cool zone. Washington Redskins tight end Chris Cooley wants you to experience thecooleyzone by following him on Twitter. It’s a clever play on his last name and he’ll surely be tweeting a lot more from his funny Twitter handle now that he’s out for the season with a knee injury.
@DjokerNole: Tennis Player Novak Djokovic
@manbearwolf: John Baker of the Florida Marlins
Catcher John Baker of the Florida Marlins has a pretty simple Twitter handle. Man, bear, wolf.
He is three things. You’d be wise not to mess with him.
@realtuffjuice: Caron Butler of the Dallas Mavericks
I really hope that Caron Butler knows how to spell tough correctly and is just using his own spelling for fun, but aside from that he has a pretty funny and cool handle.
I also hope that people don’t get the wrong idea and think that realtuffjuice means he’s on steroids either.
@Dr_VanOstrand: Jimmy Van Ostrand of the Houston Astros organization
This is an extremely clever play on your own last name and if you’re a hardcore Seinfeld fan, you’ll know why.
Jimmy Van Ostrand, who plays for the AA affiliate of the Houston Astros, has clearly seen the episodes where Cosmo Kramer uses the alias of Dr. Van Nostrand to play a fake doctor in order to help out his friends.
In this episode, Kramer attempts to help Elaine by pretending to be Dr. Van Nostrand to retrieve her medical chart and in this scene he pretends to be a dermatologist who goes by the same name to help George out of a tough situation.
The baseball player named Van Ostrand just helped Team Canada’s baseball team win the gold medal at the Pan Am Games, so he now has a gold medal and a hilarious Twitter handle to brag about.
@BiggieFunke: Blake Wheeler of the Winnipeg Jets
He’s not Biggie Smalls. He’s BiggieFunke (don’t forget the ‘e’ on the end).
He’s also Blake Wheeler of the Winnipeg Jets and apparently this handle is a reference to the TV show Arrested Development. I know that one of the characters names on that show was Tobias Funke, but aside from that I don’t recall the reference.
@BlackBoiPachino: Anthony Morrow of the New Jersey Nets
Apparently Anthony Morrow of the New Jersey Nets is the black Al Pachino. At least that’s what his Twitter handle suggests.
“Say hello to my little tweets!”
@FireMarshall205: Eliot Marshall of the UFC
UFC fighters generally have the most boring Twitter handles, but Eliot Marshall’s nickname is Fire Marshall and that’s where the clever Twitter handle comes from.
Marshall gets on this list simply because, from the research I did, he’s the only MMA fighter to have a handle that’s the least bit creative.
@Stache16: George Parros of the Anaheim Ducks
This is self-explanatory. This Anaheim Ducks enforcer wears jersey No. 16 and sports a mean moustache. Just look at it!
@CharleeRedz13: Delonte West of the Boston Celtics
Boston Celtics guard Delonte West is pursuing a hip-hop career during the NBA lockout and his rapper name is Charlee Redz. Add his jersey No. 13 and you have his Twitter handle.
It might not be the funniest handle, but Delonte is trying to be an entertainer and his name is at least somewhat entertaining.
@gollygoose33: Alex Goligoski of the Dallas Stars
This is clearly a play on the last name of Dallas Stars defenseman Alex Goligoski. He was nicknamed Goose during his time with the Pittsburgh Penguins and he combined that with the golly to make the handle gollygoose along with his jersey No. 33.
You're a clever young man Alex.
@BigHomie4real: Robaire Smith of the Cleveland Browns
Defensive end Robaire Smith of the Cleveland Browns is a big man. He’s 6’5” and 310 pounds to be exact. He’s also a homie apparently. Furthermore, he’s for real. That’s all you really need to know.
@str8edgeracer: C.J. Wilson of Texas the Rangers
Apparently Texas Rangers ace pitcher C.J. Wilson apparently lives the Straight edge lifestyle. He talks a lot about his Twitter account and how he was one of the first professional athletes to embrace it in this interview with Sports Illustrated.
No word on whether or not he uses a straight edge razor to shave.
My list of the 20 best athlete Twitter handles is now complete!
However, with the thousands of professional athletes on Twitter, there's bound to be other cool or funny athlete Twitter handles out there.
Feel free to comment on any others that you think are funny that aren't on the list.
Oh and if you're wondering what my Twitter handle is? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it's simply @adam_graham. I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Oh well.
I hope you enjoyed this list!
This article is part of the Replace The KB blog competition for The Province Sports in Vancouver. If you enjoyed reading this list, please click here and give it a thumbs-up rating. Thank you!