Being selfish means never having to say you’re sorry.

Rich Rodriguez had a rough fall. First came the losses. Then came the catcalls. By the end Rodriguez was offering self-improvement tips to the Michigan faithful, which was no less outrageous than it was understandable.

The best men know how to take criticism with dignity.

The rest of us, on the other hand, know that we don’t have to take it at all.

This isn’t a moral argument. Even Pip Pirrip knew the peril of great expectations, and it’s hard to imagine that Rich Rod would mind the attention if the Wolverines were in the Rose Bowl. But don’t forget that one man’s hypocrisy is another man’s logic. Before we stone Rodriguez for being a fool, it would behoove us to remember that folly is always in the eye of the beholder.

Humility is a virtue.

Humanness is a vice.

In a world where sin starts at home, anyone who lectures on how to live has no idea what it means to get a life.

Myopic delusion drives the sports world. Passion, commitment, focus—these are all just synonyms for ignorance, especially when winning is a year-round job. The rub, of course, is that you can’t excel at one thing without cutting corners on a whole lot of others. Great coaches put on a headset and tune out the static. It’s only natural that they’re rarely known for their sensitive ears.

No man is an island.

Then again, no skull is a duplex.

When it comes time to side with yourself or your doubters, the only real option is to put your faith in No. 1.

The human mind loathes every lie except its own. Rationality is just a word, a convenient tag we hang on all those ideas that happen to suit our needs. The truth is that Rich Rodriguez doesn’t need my defense, because he’s already defended by the voice in his head. It’s silly to believe that the universe ought to revolve around a 3-9 prima donna. It’s even sillier to believe that he could ever see things any other way.

Walt Whitman never beat Ohio State, but he did know a thing or two about boundless egoism:

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

Which is precisely the sort of thinking that prevails in the Biggest House around.

Because every man is ultimately fated to sing the Song of Himself, even if it amounts to only just saying, is all...