I, Marcus Walker, am a number of things right now—drunk, irritated, disgusted, and adamantely against anything that casts UFC newcomer Steve "The Robot" Cantwell in a positive light.
It all started when he defeated 6'6 WEC fighter Justin McElfresh by TKO in 47 seconds.
First of all, the guy, if you can call him that, reacted like he had just knocked out Muhammad Ali in his prime, sporting an "I can KO anybody" scowl, even though he had just knocked out a guy who probably shouldn't have been fighting in the WEC in the first place.
Somewhere, Gary Goodridge nodded in approval. Oh wait, he's Canadian. Never mind.
For his next display of ridiculous over-confidence, he brutally arm-barred some guy named Razak al-Hassan in his UFC debut, on a card aptly named "UFC Fight for the Troops."
I'm not saying this al-Hassan guy got screwed—this fight was over before it began. The only reason my previous statement is true is because that entire card was designated to make our United States military look good.
Again, the guy reacted like he had just savagely knocked out UFC champ Forrest Griffin, even saying to Joe Rogan in his post-fight interview, "I've been waiting so long to do that," as if it was somehow pre-ordained.
Yeah, Steve, you have every reason in the world to celebrate after you armbarred a guy who nobody—repeat, NOBODY—had ever heard of. Keep it up, man—maybe someday you'll have the honor of losing in one-sided fashion to Jon Jones. You make me sick to my stomach.
The reason I believe this UFC "Fight For The Troops" card was such a debacle is because I have friends who served in Vietnam and Korea who are currently living on the streets of Portland because they did not recieve the treatment that they needed at the time they returned from overseas.
I get sick of hearing about post-traumatic stress disorder from guys and gals who came back from Iraq and Afghanistan, knowing that there are a ton of other American warriors who could have recieved the same treatment if America were not the over-the-top, xenophobic, robotic culture that we see before us today.
Do you guys at the UFC not see how pathetic tonight's card was? Obviously not. Why? Because you allowed an absolute clown like Steve Cantwell to fight on your card.
So, hey, Steve, keep celebrating and congratulating yourself like the 2002 Sacramento Kings. I can't wait to see you laid out like Ihtzak Perlman's tuxedo. And believe me, it's going to happen sooner than you think.
I'm wasted. But Steve Cantwell is everything that is wrong with this country, and no one can tell me differentely. Not even if I was sober. How's that for honesty?