It’s the Jets bye week. The NFL seems like a barren wasteland devoid of gossip, rumor and innuendo. To say nothing of teammate on teammate sniping, Rex Ryan quotes taken in and out of context and the ever present threat of the Jets locker room imploding.
Let’s start some rumors to liven things up and help Jets fans and the New York media pass the time.
* How about some Tonio on Tonio infighting? Not satisfied with calling out the offense three weeks ago, this week Santonio Holmes directs his sights on what he perceives as the under-performing Jets secondary. He dares not visit Revis island. But why not call out Cro for no reason at all and stir up a little controversy?
* Tuesday night: 7:30pm–Team Building Exercise: musical chairs featuring the Jets offensive line.
* Mark Sanchez tries to get last minute tickets to The Book of Mormon. Mitt Romney catches wind of this and decides it means Nacho supports him as a presidential candidate. Reached for comment, a bewildered Sanchez asks, “Mitt who? Does he play for the Bills?”
* In spite of a stellar showing against the Chargers, Shonn Greene continues his tradition of keeping his mouth shut and keeping a low profile with the media, thereby pissing off the entire media whore contingent of the team. What? One good game and he’s better than all of us?
* Brian Schottenheimer takes the family down to Florida for a quick getaway fueling rampant speculation that it was nothing more than a secret interview for the Dolphins job and that Sparano’s days are numbered. Sparano cannot be reached for comment. The Dolphins cite a severe case of post-Tebow stress syndrome.
* Woody Johnson and Mike Tannenbaum sit Rex Ryan down and explain to him that the new Sanchez jerseys with their colorful Mexican red, green and white color scheme (works for Christmas too!) are not selling as well as anticipated. Belts will have to be tightened. This does not sit well with Rex, leading to an explosive team meeting where Rex announces that due to budgetary cutbacks everyone will have to buy their own GD snacks from now on.
* Mike Westhoff keeps a low profile, and diligently breaks down tape of the next few opponents causing the entire front office to beg him to sign a five year extension.
* Rich Cimini and James Walker (Espn’s beat writers for the Jets) meet for a lengthy three martini lunch where they wonder how their preseason opinion that the Dolphins QBs are better than Sanchez went so horribly wrong. They congratulate themselves on still being employed and expense the lunch to the Mothership.
* Nick Mangold tapes a note to Nacho’s locker indicating that he thinks a small private island in the Bahamas is a suitable Christmas present for him this year.
* Mark Brunell fumes on Twitter that he taught Sanchez everything he knows about how to use the snap count to draw defenders offsides and Mark can’t even publicly thank him? Sanchez, obsessed with downloading the soundtrack to The Book of Mormon is oblivious to the whole controversy.
Ok, ok….so I made those up.
Have no fear Jets fans. The bye week will be over before you know it and we can all go back to second-guessing Schotty’s play-calling, complaining about the run defense and worrying about the Patriots.
See you next weekend in Buffalo!
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