Instead, I will bring forth five reasonable replacements for Lackey. I'm talking about five things that will bring the same talent, fire, energy and leadership that No. 41 brought to the Boston Red Sox this season.
It shouldn't be too difficult to find the right replacement. After all, we are talking about possibly the worst pitcher in all of baseball.
Lackey finished the season with a 6.08 ERA and an opponents batting average above .300. Let's not forget, we aren't talking about some end of the bench bum. Lackey was paid almost $16 million this past season.
I don't really blame him, though. If someone asked me to take a dump on an entire city for $16 million, I would probably do it.
With that beautiful image in mind, let's take a look at five realistic replacements for the abomination that is John Lackey.