Halloween Costumes for 1 NFL Player on Each Team
Halloween is fast-approaching and it's getting to that time where children buy costumes. Some will go as old favorites, like vampires, mummies, princesses, etc., while others will go as more modern costumes that you can buy at any Party Store.
Then there's the third class, kids who decide to wear jerseys and say that they are said player.
I've done that, I'll admit it. I was Mike Piazza many Halloweens ago. However, it is a weak move, especially considering the lack of effort it takes for that costume.
Moving on from my little digression, the upcoming Halloween has gotten me thinking about what certain NFL players would wear for Halloween. So, without further ado, here's 32 players, one per team and the best ideas for their costumes.
Buffalo Bills: Ryan Fitzpatrick: Nerd
Fitzpatrick is a Harvard alumnus, therefore he could fit the costume for a stereotypical nerd.
The mustache, however, would have to go, unless he wanted to evoke the Booger character from Revenge of the Nerds
Miami Dolphins: Brandon Marshall: Ghost
The reason behind this one is because he's a high profile addition, however, ever since he came to Miami, his production has slipped.
All that is needed is a sheet with his No. 19 on it.
New England: Albert Haynesworth: Fat Albert
HEY HEY HEY! Ever since he made bank with Washington after having a couple of monster seasons in Tennessee, Albert has gone from being phat, to just plain fat. How appropriate an analogy would this costume be for him?
All he needs is a red sweater, a black wig and maybe a pillow.
New York Jets: Antonio Cromartie: Octomom
This doesn't require much explanation, as Thad Castle from Blue Mountain State put it:
"Think about of how much more money Antonio Cromartie would have if he got his balls snipped right out of high school."
Several paternity suits, children in different states, the famous moment in Hard Knocks, basically he would be the perfect Octomom.
All he needs is a dress, a wig, 8-14 baby dolls, and you've got a costume.
Baltimore Ravens: Ray Lewis: Old Person
Ray Lewis has been in the NFL for close to 15 years. That's a pretty long time for a linebacker.
His costume would include a walker, a gray beard, gray hair and whatever old people wear these days.
Cincinnati Bengals: AJ Green: Chad Ochocinco
Ever since Ocho, TO and Carson left, it's been pretty quiet in Cincy. AJ Green especially has been unnaturally quiet.
Why not stir it up a bit by donning an old Ochocinco jersey and pretending to act like him?
Cleveland Browns: Josh Cribbs: Flash
Josh Cribbs is a fast player, in fact he's one of the best kick returners in the NFL. Why not put him in a costume that symbolizes his speed?
It doesn't take a genius to figure out what his costume entails...
Pittsburgh Steelers: Brett Keisel: Santa Claus
Roethlisberger and Polamalu are way overdone, thus Keisel is Pittsburgh's representative football player.
As a reference to his famous beard, he should go as Father Christmas. He certainly looks like the guy who would play Santa at a Steelers Christmas party.
Houston Texans: JJ Watt: Thad Castle (from Blue Mountain State)
For lack of a better idea, JJ Watt looks very similar to Alan Ritchson, the actor who plays Thad Castle, the hard hitting, yet super neurotic linebacker in Blue Mountain State.
For his costume, he'll need to purchase a Castle Jersey on Amazon, and don a BMS helmet. He'd make a good Thad.
Indianapolis Colts: Curtis Painter: Peyton Manning
Certainly, Painter will want to emulate his superior in some way, even if he can't play for crap.
There are two ways that this costume can be done: First, he could just get a Peyton Manning jersey and shave his stupid pretty-boy haircut, or he could get the jersey and a neck brace.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Maurice Jones-Drew: Dalek (from Dr. Who)
There are several ways that this costume idea works for MJD, but I'll keep it to two. First, it symbolizes the fact that he's nearly unstoppable, and second, it's a reference to his diminutive stature.
I doubt MJD has ever seen Dr. Who, but should he watch it and find Dalek, the costume should be easy enough to figure out.
Tennessee Titans: Chris Johnson: Harry Houdini
This is an obvious reference to his vanishing act, as his production has slipped ever since he signed his extension.
He'll need a basic magician's outfit for this one.
Denver Broncos: Tim Tebow: Jesus
Ever since he won the game in Miami in comeback fashion, Bronco fans have been proclaiming him as their savior. Almost like he's the second coming of Jesus Christ.
Heck, his victory was so notable, even South Park referenced him multiple times in their latest episode.
It doesn't require much explanation as to what his costume entails.
Kansas City: Matt Cassel: Alex Moran (Blue Mountain State)
There's not much to say in Kansas City, but Matt Cassel's costume should be easy enough, after all, he was once a backup who never played until the 2008 season, much like the BMS protagonist.
His costume follows the same principle that JJ Watt's costume does.
Oakland Raiders: Carson Palmer: Crybaby
Carson Palmer is such an easy target because of his acting like a spoiled brat.
In fact, he should partner up with Mike Brown, with Brown dressing up as a cat, (you must obviously get this reference).
Carson's costume includes an adult diaper, and an oversized binky or bottle.
San Diego: Takeo Spikes: Frequent Flier
Enough with the quarterbacks in the AFC West: Here's some fresh(?) blood.
Takeo is a well travelled football player, he's played for the Bengals, Bills, 49ers, Eagles and Chargers.
His costume would basically be him in a business suit with an airline ticket and carry-on luggage.
Dallas Cowboys: Tony Romo: Lombardi Trophy
It's completely obvious that with Tony Romo behind center, the Lombardi trophy will never come to Dallas.
Tony Romo therefore can dress like the Lombardi Trophy, as that's the closest he'll ever get to winning one.
New York Giants: Prince Amukamara: King
Here's a little-known fact about Prince Amukamara: he's royalty.
Yep, his grandfather is the chief of a tribe in Nigeria, and he is next in line for the chief role.
Now for his costume, he'll just need a crown and some robes, as well as a scepter.
Philadelphia Eagles: Nnamdi Asomugha: Monopoly Man
Nnamdi made bank this offseason after signing in Philadelphia, therefore his costume is relatively simple:
All he needs is a top hat, an old dinner jacket with tails, and two bags of money and he's all set.
Washington Redskins: Whoever's at Quarterback Next Week: Greenman
Whoever's at quarterback next week, whether it's Beck or Grossman or someone else, they should don one of these suits made popular in It's always Sunny in Philadelphia, because nobody knows who the heck they are.
Chicago Bears: Devin Hester: The Human Torch
Devin Hester is unstoppable on special teams, he just torches the defenders when he scores, which is often enough.
I have no idea how he'll do a human torch costume, though.
Detroit Lions: Ndamukong Suh: House of Spears
Ndamukong, translated to English, means House of Spears. A great name for a defender, if I do say so myself.
Why not make a costume based on his name? All he needs to do is find a large cardboard box, along with another sheet of cardboard, thus the house part.
Then get more cardboard, and draw spears, and stick them all around the house. Ta-Da! House of Spears.
Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers: WWE Wrestler
His signature wrestling belt touchdown celebration is seen many-a-time in Green Bay, therefore he should consider dressing up like a wrestler.
Easy enough, just get wrestling pants and one of those championship belts, oh and some face paint. Wrestlers look better with face paint.
Minnesota Vikings: Jared Allen: Rooster Cogburn (True Grit)
Jared Allen is the ultimate cowboy in the National Football league, it's almost a shame he's not in Dallas.
His costume would be the hero in the famous western, True Grit.
He'll need to scruff up his beard a bit, and procure an eye patch, as well as a full cowboy outfit, but it is manageable enough, pilgrim.
Atlanta Falcons: Matt Ryan: Dr Jekyll/Mr. Hyde
One year, the Falcons are the league's top team, unstoppable, except by the World Champion Packers
The next, they're struggling.
To signify the abrupt change, Matt Ryan should dress up as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, maybe even combining the two in a Two-Face type fashion.
Carolina Panthers: Jimmy Clausen: Daffy Duck
Nobody likes to get second billing, not even poor Jimmy Clausen. His job got taken by golden boy Cam Newton, and thus he's riding the bench.
A perfect way to express this is to have him dress like Daffy Duck. He's always in Bugs Bunny's shadow, isn't he?
New Orleans Saints: Mark Ingram: Heisman
Much like Tony Romo dressing up as the Lombardi trophy, except Mark Ingram actually won the Heisman.
He'll spray paint himself bronze and do the signature pose at the Saints Halloween Party.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: LeGarrette Blount: Hobo
For a guy who had a lot of talent, it sure came as a shock when he went undrafted.
Ever since he earned the starting role in Tampa, he's been decent.
To serve as a tribute to his humble origin as an undrafted free agent, he should dress like a hobo.
Arizona Cardinals: Larry Fitzgerald: Greg Jennings
With an anemic quarterback, no offense, and barely any defense, Larry Fitzgerald should go as rival wideout Greg Jennings because, like in the Youtube video, he "put the team on his (censored) back."
Added bonus: He should put his leg in a boot, like Jennings, and keep a Gumby figuring with him and keep yelling at it.
St. Louis Rams: Chris Long: Howie Long
Chris Long should dress like his dad for Halloween, however, in that case, he'd have to figure out which personality he'll want to adopt,
Should he go as his dad, the player?
Should he go as his dad, the actor?
Should he go as his dad, the broadcaster?
If that doesn't work out, he could go as John Travolta, after all, Howie acted alongside him in Broken Arrow.
San Francisco 49ers: Alex Smith: Jack Bauer (24)
Jack Bauer lasted through eight seasons of 24, along the way getting shot, tortured, contaminated with a deadly pathogen and being declared legally dead...twice...
Alex Smith's career was once considered legally dead, but now he's leading the 49ers to their best start since the 1990s. Talk about resurrection.
Seattle Seahawks: Mike Williams: LeBron James
Pete Carroll and LeBron James shook up the Twitter-verse after the locked out basketball star inquired about NFL free agency and Carroll posted a picture of a jersey.
So far, he hasn't signed.
Nonetheless, the Seahawks could have a little fun with this: Mike Williams, who is a big wideout, could come to a Halloween party dressed up as LeBron. Whether that means he wears a Heat jersey, or Coach Carroll's customized jersey, it's up to him.