Forget “Hugging It Out, Bitch”; Nola Chick Wants Revenge
"Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me, I can't get fooled again."
Ah President Bush…your wise words are ringing in my ears this week. It’s mainly because your botched take on a popular saying makes me laugh so hard that I snort, but it’s also because the actual saying sums up my feelings about this Thursday’s NFL game.
You see, Thursday isn’t so much about the Saints’ quest for the playoffs; it’s about the Bears’ playoff wishes. This Thursday, the Saints will hold the Bears’ playoff hopes in the palm of their hands. Vengeance shall be ours.
I yearn for vengeance like The Joker, or Max Payne, or Wile E. Coyote. Those Bad News Bears have spoiled our fun two seasons in a row. Third time would be a sham.
This is the week to make up for those tasteless Hurricane Katrina signs fans held up in the NFC Championship game or the embarrassing smack down they put on us in the final game of last season. Thursday, we’re serving up revenge Windy City style, ice cold.
So, what’s the plan of attack? It’s simple.
1. Start with a Chi-Town native named Pierre Thomas who has shown the ability to act a fool in front of his hometown crowd. Fire him up and let him loose.
2. Forbid Reggie Bush from taunting anyone at any point in the game...ever. No flipping in the end zone either. Threaten him with a three-month bj drought from his knob-slobbing sweetheart Kim Kardashian.
3. Protect the mutha f***ing football at all costs!! Protect it like a cat protects its tale in a room full of rocking chairs. Protect it like the Giants protect players who accidentally shoot themselves in the leg.
In the words of my high school Sex Ed teacher, “Protection just makes good sense.”
We both go into this game at 7-6, desperate to keep our playoff hopes alive. But the Saints have more on the line...and so do I! I bet on this sh*t damn it!
So my black and gold warriors, our moment has arrived. To quote our future president...
“This is our moment. This is our time. Our time to turn the page…”
A picture’s truly worth a thousand words...
What is the duplicate article?
Why is this article offensive?
Where is this article plagiarized from?
Why is this article poorly edited?