NBA Lockout 2011: 15 Alternative Careers for NBA Superstars
With all that free time, NBA players, especially the superstars, will need something else to do. Even more so if the season gets cancelled which is entirely likely.
LeBron James's NFL tweet got the gears grinding, but it is too obvious that basketball players can just play another sport while waiting for the lockout to end.
Let's get crazy and see what other careers these guys can pursue.
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Wouldn't it be cool to see somebody like LeBron or Kobe working the concession stands for a stadium/arena?
Imagine Chris Paul throwing around bags of peanuts instead of basketballs.
With this job, they can still be associated with sports, but won't run the risk of being injured while playing.
Besides, it'd be funny trying to see someone like Eddy Curry restrain himself from eating all the hot dogs.
DJ for Party/Club
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Picture this: You walk into a club and it's pretty good. Good music, good people, just a good atmosphere in general. It's not great, but it's not bad. You're okay with it.
You turn the corner and see Dwyane Wade DJing. That brings the party up to a whole other level.
You were thinking, "Maybe I should find a better party", but not anymore with DJ D-Wade in the house.
Let's hope he can keep J.J. Redick away from the mic.
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Adding to that nightlife scenario, imagine if LeBron or Chris Bosh was the bartender at that club (yes, Wade would be the DJ while LeBron got stuck behind the bar).
Wouldn't that make that place unbelievably unbelievable?
Or just imagine the pairings behind the bar with teammates, should be teammates, or even rivals.
Sure Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki would be a great pair to work the bar, but imagine Kevin Garnett and Charlie Villanueva.
Those two would repeatedly try to screw each other over considering KG's tweet last season.
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Nobody's going to mess with a seven-foot tall bouncer. Nobody. Not even Chuck Norris (actually, he probably would, I apologize for doubting you Mr. Norris)
The bouncer doesn't even need to be seven-feet tall. I'm pretty sure Zach Randolph and the Basketball Player Formerly Known as Ron Artest could stop any bar fight.
I'm also sure that no one would mess around a bar that has Gilbert "I'm Gonna Bring My Guns" Arenas as the bouncer.
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For those who don't know, a pedicab is one of those bicycle-driven chariot that you'd find in a city such as New York.
This job would let players stay in shape, connect with fans, and connect with the city.
Think of it as an outreach program to help players stay in touch with the people of the city and erase all the negativity that the lockout's bringing to basketball.
Also, it'd be fun to see Dwight Howard try and cram himself into one of those things.
High School Gym Teacher/Coach
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High school gym teachers are also usually the school's coach, so I grouped this into one category.
This would be a way for the players to stay in the field of basketball and passing down what they know to a younger generation.
Also, we can see who's got what it takes to eventually be a head coach in the NBA. Not to mention it'd be funny to see if LeBron can't coach a team to a championship either.
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It's not necessarily a career, but it is something the players can look into doing.
Many of them, especially the stars, didn't finish college. I am not sure what's behind the logistics of a professional basketball player returning to his "alma mater" (if that's what it can be called) to play, but anyone can continue their education.
Besides, maybe a college degree would have helped them negotiate a quicker deal.
Color Commentator AKA Take Tim McCarver's Job
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The NBA has a lot of interesting personalities who could probably make it on TV.
One way to test this is by letting them be the color commentator for other sports. If they are good, then it's great for everybody: the fans, the TV studio, and the play-by-play guy.
If they are terrible, well, they can't be worse then poor Tim McCarver. Nothing against you sir, it's just that you're bad.
Movie Star AKA Take Taylor Lautner's Job
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Remember when Shaq used to headline movies? Or when Michael Jordan did Space Jam? Those were some fond memories.
We do not have any players that do that nowadays. Instead we have movie studios trying to ram the likes of Taylor Lautner down our throats while failing to convince us Ryan Reynolds is a movie star.
If LeBron and Kobe really want to be like Jordan, then they should pitch their own ideas for a Space Jam 2.
To me, you are not MJ unless you saved Bugs Bunny and his friends from a life of servitude on Moron Mountain.
Might as well help the community if you have got nothing else to do.
This is another job that'll help players stay in shape, long as they lay off the doughnuts.
It is also a good publicity stunt if a bunch of basketball players make headlines doing heroic deeds.
Besides, I'm sure even the Joker would stop if Kevin Garnett yelled "Freeze!"
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This mostly applies to warm-weather cities or indoor pools. It'll also keep the players in tip-top shape.
Here's another publicity stunt if one of the basketball players saves a drowning kid or fights off a shark. Hey, the NBA needs all the positive activity it can get.
Not to mention Amar'e Stoudemire can just stand in the pool and yank anybody out.
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I'm pretty sure basketball players would want to be the ones asking other athletes questions if they had the chance.
So many times has a reporter asked a player a question he clearly didn't want to be asked, thus this job would give them the opportunity to do the asking.
Not to mention there'll probably be some players who'd ask ridiculous questions.
Imagine the Player Now Known as Metta World Peace asking Eli Manning what's it's like to be Oreo's backup plan for commercials.
Competitive Food Eater
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For those players who do not want to stay in shape, I am sure there's a career in eating competitively, just look at Kobayashi.
In fact, there should be a TV show for this. Get any basketball player who'd say yes to food regardless of where it came from and pit them against each other in weekly food eating competitions.
Or it can be like Man v. Food and have two or three players, say Baron Davis and Eddy Curry, go to a town/city eating all the best food there. Then finish the show with them going head-to-head in a local eating competition or challenge.
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Ever since Dancing With the Stars, it appears that all of these athletes have a fascination with dancing.
I grouped Broadway and ballet stars together because both are going to involve some dancing and I like to give the players a choice as to whether they want to perform in Wicked or some theater's version of Swan Lake.
Some people view dancing as a feminine activity, but dancing involves a lot of energy, coordination, discipline and focus, all things I severely lack, so kudos to dancers everywhere.
Maybe dancing will keep Baron Davis in shape as he waits for the lockout to end.
Reality TV Star AKA Get the Jersey Shore Cancelled
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Imagine six or seven players such as Kobe, LeBron, Wade, Dwight Howard, maybe Kevin Love as the token-white guy, and a couple of odd-balls such as the Player Formerly Known as Eddy Curry's Expiring Contract or Paul Pierce/Rajon Rondo to get the Celtics in there.
Now lock them in a house together for x-amount of weeks and call the show Locked-In.
It'll be like the Jersey Shore in that no one on the show has a college degree but it will be better because it's not the Jersey Shore.
Or it can be like Survivor in that the players can vote each other off with the winner getting money for their charity or something.
How fast would Kobe, LeBron, or one of the Celtics player get into a fight with each other? How funny would it be seeing Kevin Love's "I'm so outta place" reaction? Who would be the first to get voted out, LeBron or Kobe?
Forget saving the season, somebody call up ABC, CBS, or NBC and get this done ASAP.