Dear Santa: An Athlete's List

LingerContributor IDecember 4, 2008

With Christmas coming up in a couple of weeks, I decided to make a list for the unworthy in sports. 

Dear Santa:


Plaxico Burress: a pair of pants with belt loops, a belt, a new fake id

Sean Avery: a pad of paper to write down what is on his mind because nobody cares what he is saying.

Deuce McAllister, Will Smith, Charles Grant, Pat Williams, Kevin Williams, Bryan Pittman: tickets to the Super Bowl, because they won't be able to play

Antonio Pierce: a better alibi

Sam Mitchell: a buyer for his Toronto home

Stephon Marbury: a trade, buyout, lazy-boy recliner.

Charlie Weis: a pair of Plaxico's pants

Detroit Lions: a win

Cincinnati Bengals: another win

LeBron James: a New York condo

Auburn Football: a coach who might bring a couple of wins

Michael Phelps: a new mugshot for the cover of SI's Sportsman of the Year.

A-Rod: a pair of earmuffs to muffle the sound of Madonna's music

San Diego Chargers: a defense

Buffalo Bills: tilted uprights (two missed field goals last week, and don't forget Scott "Wide Right" Norwood)

Tyler Hansborough: NCAA Championship

Colt McCoy: Heisman Trophy, BCS Championship

Oklahoma: BCS Championship

Alabama: BCS Championship

Florida: BCS Championship

you get the point.

Thanks Santa!