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US Ranked 4th After determining the Big-12 championship game participants, the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II...

BCS Declares Germany Winner of World War II

by Andy Walsh [HUMOR]

19

20283 reads

Humor

December 04, 2008


US Ranked 4th 

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants, the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II. 

"Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work--including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule--our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking." 

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated "The US only had two major victories--Japan and Germany. The computer models, unlike humans, aren't influenced by head-to-head contests--they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event." 

German Chancellor Adolf Hitler said "Yes, we lost to the US; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks." Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn 'style points' to enhance Germany's rankings. Hitler protested "Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces." 

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented " France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2." 

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

 

- I got this as an email forward and have no idea who wrote it.  But, I think its funny as hell so I wanted to share.

 

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19 comments Last one added 5 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. RedRaider Red 7 months ago

    Oh God.. my stomach is still paining.. make it stop.

    I'dve given you 5 stars and a pick if this was ur work.

    Great nevertheless.. LOL.

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  2. Dale Legaspi 7 months ago

    simply amazing...andy walsh. i have bookmarked your page.

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  3. James Colt 7 months ago

    That is hilarious. Good for you not taking credit, but thanks for posting that.

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  4. British Greatness 7 months ago

    Good God - what about Britain?! We were the winning quarterback (US was more of a last play of the game receiving wide-receiver), had an incredible defensive effort, dominated on both ground and aerial arenas, won hard games on the road in North Africa, took part in some serious trench warfare and so on.

    As for our preceding record (there was war before WW2 you know) and thus pre-game ranking whether it be Crusades, Middle Ages or Victorian times, I think you will find no country has Britain's # 1 record haha!

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  5. Brian Sausa 7 months ago

    hahahah this is the most hilarious thing ive read in a while and i love it...good honesty and good post!

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  6. David Arreola 7 months ago

    LOLOL.

    Priceless, simply priceless.

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  7. Rick Cruz 7 months ago

    Nice.

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  8. matthew offermann 7 months ago

    lol i like the picture

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  9. Joe Huber 7 months ago

    Whoever wrote this should get a Pulitzer...

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  10. Isaac Elyacharshuster 7 months ago

    I agree if the BCS would have done WW2, that German 2ould have been number one, but US Would be number 2. They were undefeated, while France won nothing, and they definitely were not coming in ranked number 1, I would have given that to Britain or Russia. My rankings based off of this whole system would be.

    1. Germany
    2. US
    3. Japan
    4. Russia
    5. Britain

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  11. Steve Auger 7 months ago

    Love it! That's awesome!!!

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  12. Anthony Thewes 7 months ago

    Awesome. Thank you for posting this.

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  13. biffer29 6 months ago

    Can't have the USA ranked number one. They only played half a season after all.

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  14. Mike Hollon 6 months ago

    The piece was posted last week on the Peristyle (subscription) section of the uscfootball.com board by "twaddlepucky" I believe and reposted on the Message Board (free) section by "TrojanRuss"

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  15. JTG 6 months ago

    The US also lost an early season game to Japan at home.

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  1. dan reeves 6 months ago

    Don't forget that Canada was also undefeated, but because of their smaller conference, did not get any recognition at all.

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  2. NorthernOkie NorthernOkie 6 months ago

    But in both history and football it's END OF SEASON Wins that count!

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  3. geronimo the native american 6 months ago

    But what if Spain beat the USA, the USA beat Germany, and Germany beat Spain? (but Spain had a really good quarterback who got screwed?)

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  4. Greg Walker 5 months ago

    Love this article. I've got another. Florida screws everything up. In 2000 they selected a President, in 2008 they elected a BCS champ. Go Utes

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    • About the Author Andy Walsh (contributor)

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