JaMarcus Russell Impales Teammate with Football (Humor)

Michael NevinCorrespondent IDecember 4, 2008

In what can only be described as a freak accident, an unidentified Raiders player has been sent to the hospital today.  JaMarcus Russell, the team's strong-armed quarterback, accidentally impaled someone in a fit of frustration.

"Coach Cable and I were having an argument," said Russell. "He was trying to tell me that Batman isn't a real superhero because he doesn't have any real powers.  Can you believe him?"

The argument reached its climax when Russell took an unlucky football and launched it at Tom Cable.  Cable, who showed impressive agility for a man his size, dove out of the way.  The football zoomed 100 yards down the field where it became lodged in the abdomen of one unlucky man. 

"I am very sorry for what happened," Russell apologized during a press conference. "It was just an accident.  I'm sure things like this happen all the time."

Commissioner Roger Goodell hasn't said anything on the subject yet.  However, it is likely that Goodell will fine Russell $10 million and suspend him for three seasons.  Russell's career may be over before Al Davis has a chance to ruin it.

Russell's teammates have been forbidden to speak about the incident.  However, Johnnie Lee Higgins has been wearing a bullet-proof vest since the incident occurred.

To the protest of every San Diego Chargers player, Russell will be allowed to play in week 14.  To get on Russell's good side, many Chargers have agreed that Batman is a real superhero.

Authorities have informed Russell that he must get a firearms license, or else his arm will be confiscated.  It has also been reported that Russell's teammate will make a full recovery (almost).