Fantasy Football: 5 Reasons My Fantasy Team Sucks

Dustin JensonContributor IIOctober 11, 2011

Fantasy Football: 5 Reasons My Fantasy Team Sucks

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    Yes, my team is awful this year and obviously it's not my fault. I have no problem in placing 100 percent of the blame on the lackluster performances from my team because that's what real owners do. Let's take a quick look at why my fantasy team is worse off than if I had just blindly picked names out of a hat.

Sigh 1. Passing on Tom Brady

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    Since this whole thing is about passing the buck on why my team sucks we'll start off with the fact that I had to miss the first four rounds. It was during the first round when Tom Brady was on the board, after four other quarterbacks were taken already (I know, I know...). Unfortunately for me though, when my turn came up Brady was not at the top of the rankings and I was left with Andre Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald to end the first and start the second round. It could've been worse but in our league those two have combined for for 43 points while Brady has 85 (the scoring system is weird). In a league where games are generally decided by five points or less, this was a pretty devastating blow. It's my belief that this first huge failure is what truly got the ball rolling on the laughable mediocrity that is my team/life now. 

Sigh 2. Steven Jackson

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    Once again, the blame is getting put on the auto draft rankings for this one. I didn't want Steven Jackson, and apparently no one else did since everyone else filled up on running backs by the end of the third round. But there he is, his dreadlocks mocking my computer, subtly tempting it into selecting him. Of course this was all unnecessary since he was at the top of the rankings and was going to be picked anyway but I still blame him for this too! Injuries haven't helped heal the rift between he and I as staying off the field is one way to make sure you sabotage my team, but even when he was on the field he only has 124 yards and 1 TD, plus a receiving TD, on the season. Steven Jackson, I hate you.

Sigh 3. Sam Bradford

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    Man, I really hate the Rams. Now before you get carried away and scroll right down to the comments to bash having Bradford in the first place, let me reassure you that he was not my starter. I used a late pick which would've been better spent on a Rams cheerleader at this point. I had planned on using Sam Bradford to spell Matt Schaub in bad matchups for the Texans (Or you know, if freaking Andre Johnson gets hurt) but now I'm left out in the cold with only the flimsy handkerchief that is Sam Bradford to keep me warm. 

Sigh 4. New Orleans Defense

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    To add a different twist to our league, we put in a condition where you can't add or drop any players. This has proven to be a huge thorn in my side as I'm now stuck with these sideshow freaks that are the New Orleans Saints defense. This one may be on me as I completely neglected to draft a defense until it was too late, and now I'm paying for it in worse ways than I thought was possible. By the way, the picture I used for this slide wasn't during a huddle, it was in the middle of the play...I presume

Sigh 5. Team Name

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    Generally your fantasy team name is supposed to be a reflection of you and still strike fear into the minds of your opponents. Not really, but it should still be somewhat funny. As you can tell at this point in the article, funny isn't my strong suit so I went in a different direction. I wanted to confuse the other owners so much that they would be unable to concentrate on who to start and just be thinking to themselves "Why would anyone name their team that?" That's why I went with Dexy'sMidnightRunners, the greatest one hit wonder band in the history of everything. I'm not above blaming my team name for the shortcomings I've faced so far this year, and I'm certainly not above devaluing the once legendary band name with a overall horrible team.


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    At the very least I hope you all learned something from all the terrible mistakes I've made this year. Heck, I hope you learned something from the terrible mistakes I must have made in a previous life that led me to be in charge of a team like this. Thanks for reading and sharing in my pain!