The NFL's Ten Commandments

Graeme FrisqueContributor IIDecember 3, 2008


As Handed Down by GOD-ell Himself...

1) Thou shalt not steal your opponent's hand signals using video's okay to steal their signals, just don't use video cameras to do it.

2) Thou shalt not covet vitamins or supplements that include diuretics, but do not list them as ingredients on the will not be given the benefit of the doubt "Juice head".

3) Thou shalt hit your opponent...but not too hard, or I'll fine your ass.

4) Thou shalt not tamper with players or coaches who are under contract with another team...unless the other team doesn't want them anymore.

5) Thou shalt not Horse-collar tackle your opponent...or your wife.

6) Thou shalt not carry a gun into a nightclub...especially without the safety on, causing you to shoot yourself in the leg, you moron.

7) Thou shalt not take drugs...ever.  Except for powerful pain killers, anti- inflammatories, and cortisone injections from your trainers that allow you to play every Sunday between $50,000 commercial breaks.

8) Thou shalt not call officials things like "Moron", "Jerkoff", "Blind Idiot", "On The Take", "Stupid", or "Ignorant"...even if there is video evidence to prove it.

9) Thou shalt not get arrested and/or go to jail nine times...unless your name is "Pacman".  I used to love that game as a kid.

10) This broadcast is presented under license from the NFL and presented exclusively by Fox, NBC, CBS, ABC, CBC, CTV,TSN, ESPN, or any of their other television or radio affiliates; And cannot be copied or re-broadcast without the expressed written consent of any of the above mentioned parties and the NFL.  Non-compliance will result in prosecution to the fullest extent of the law by the NFL's team of insanely overpaid lawyers.