WWE: The First Ever Razzies of Professional Wrestling Final Results

Kevin BergeFeatured Columnist IIJanuary 14, 2017

WWE: The First Ever Razzies of Professional Wrestling Final Results

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    It is that time.

    The voting is over.

    It is now time that we award the worst of the worst.

    These are the performances that made us change the channel.

    These are the performances that make us worry about the end of pro wrestling.

    These are the stars who never get awards that will finally be recognized for their "talents" and "abilities".

    Warning: Sarcasm and humor will be attempted in excess while presented these results. No actual speeches were given.

    All of these choices were voted upon, and the results of each vote will be shown at the end.

    Some results were incredibly close.

    Now, let's get onto the festivities.

Most Horrendous Tag Team Performance

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    There has been talk this year of the tag team division dying and that we might see the end of a division just as we saw the end of the cruiserweight division.

    Why are we hearing these things?

    Simple, it is all because of the following acts.

    Each of these guys are atrocious.

    Their performances destroyed foundations and eroded a division that used to have a chance.

    Now, one of them will honored for it.

     

    Performances

    David Otunga/ Michael McGillicutty on Monday Night Raw on Sept. 12, 2011.

    John Cena/ David Otunga on Monday Night Raw on Oct. 25, 2010.

    The Great Khali/ Jinder Mahal on Monday Night Raw on Sept. 5, 2011.

    And the winner is...

CenTunga

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    Combine the greatest wrestler in the world with Superman, what do you get?

    An absolutely legitimate and completely awesome one day tag team title reign made even better by the fact that they hate each other.

    The world may never see this team again, but we will always remember these men for what they did for the tag team division.

    CenTunga may just live on in our memories forever for its impact on pro wrestling.

    When accepting this award, only Otunga showed up. He really wanted any kind of recognition. He was ecstatic to hear he had finally won something.

Most Horrifying Diva Performance

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    There can be no doubt that lately the Divas have been less athletes and more models.

    As we witness the birth of a new era in WWE, there are a lot of questions about what will happen to the future of the Divas division.

    Let's look at the performances of three of those future divas.

    Let's just say it doesn't look good.

    It looks so bad that the final vote was almost evenly split between two of the subjects.

    It was bloody, brutal and far more entertaining than watching either of the women in the ring, but in the end, only one can win.

     

    Performances

    Kaitlyn on WWE NXT on Oct. 5, 2010.

    Aksana on Friday Night SmackDown on Aug. 5, 2011.

    Maxine on WWE NXT on Nov. 2, 2010.

    And the winner is...

Kaitlyn

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    Kaitlyn has not been given much lately.

    Though she won NXT Season 3, she has not gotten very much screen time.

    She still has a guaranteed title shot at the Divas title, but Johnny Curtis has a tag title shot too.

    Maybe she'll never get a title shot, but, with this prestigious honor, at least she is being recognized for her talent.

    Maybe she will go on and grow, but we will all remember her for her run now as a great rookie with some truly impressed wrestling.

Most Appalling Comedy Act

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    Sometimes, WWE does it right.

    They can get everyone laughing and falling all over themselves.

    Most of the time though, comedy in WWE falls extremely flat.

    With a Be A Star campaign going on, you would think the WWE could figure out bullying isn't very funny.

    Instead, they decide that is hilarious to throw out excessive weight jokes and have 25 year old men act like little children.

    Isn't that hilarious?

     

    Performance

    John Cena on Monday Night Raw on Dec. 20, 2010.

    Hornswoggle on WWE NXT on Nov. 3, 2010.

    Jerry Lawler on Monday Night Raw on Dec. 13, 2010.

    And the winner is...

WWE's Only Leprechaun (Thankfully), Hornswoggle

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    Let's never forget to mention how great this little guy is.

    By little I mean, a 25-year old man who speaks like a little kid who never learned any way to speak.

    Since he is so young, we are all lucky because he could stay around another 10 years.

    More kissing girls and running under women's skirts.

    Joy!

    Maybe he can even become the last US Champion like he is the last Cruiserweight Champion.

    Hornswoggle blabbering when he accepted the award almost made the Academy take the award back.

Most Abhorrent Attempt at a Mid Card Performance

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    Some people should not be given a chance in WWE.

    Some people waste what little opportunity they get.

    No matter what, none of them make it.

    This year, there were many horrible attempts to be mid card talent, and they were all wretched and boring.

     

    Performance

    The Great Khali on Monday Night Raw on March 14, 2011.

    JTG on WWE Superstars on June 6, 2011.

    Jacob Novak on WWE NXT on May 17, 2011.

    And the winner is...

The Great Khali

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    He is a monster.

    He can destroy anyone in his path.

    He has the speed of a tree that is still rooted.

    He cannot speak English.

    What's not to love?

    His acceptance speech was absolutely touching when he got a hold of the award.

    "मैं महान हूँ. अन्य सभी छोटे हैं. मैं सबसे अच्छा कर रहा हूँ.यही कारण है कि मैं पूर्व विश्व चैंपियन हूँ."

    The Academy almost cried though we only understood about one word. It sounded emotional.

The Worst Performance That Was Not Originally Given Mention

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    The Academy honors many people for their accomplishments over the year, but somebody is always left out.

    There were many different acts that the voters wanted addressed, but we can only look at three and give one an award.

    So without further ado, let's look at the nominees.

     

    Performance

    Heath Slater for Midcard Performance.

    Swagger's Soaring Eagle for Comedy Performance.

    Pee Wee Herman for Guest Performance.

    And the winner is...

Heath Slater

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    There was a huge uproar in support of Heath's placement in the Razzies.

    While the Acacdemy was not entirely sure about where he would be placed or if he deserved an award, the wave of emotion he sent through the voters was impossible to ignore.

    So Slater has been given the honor of a Razzie for getting the most people to hate him.

    That sounds like an accomplishment.

    It really isn't.

Most Appalling Performance by a Part Time Star or Guest

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    WWE has always had a love for using stars.

    Whether they are celebrities who need a quick plug or a former wrestler looking to have another moment in that ring, there are many returns each year.

    At the same time, stars come back or enter the ring that are not active stars and try to perform.

    Sometimes, disaster occurs.

    These following exemplify that to a T.

     

    Performance

    Bret Hart on Monday Night Raw on Sept. 12, 2011.

    Booker T on Friday Night SmackDown on Feb. 18, 2011.

    Michael Cole at Extreme Rules 2011.

    And the winner is...

Michael F. Cole

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    I think most people can fill in that F middle name.

    It follows him around, so no need to elaborate.

    This man is undefeated at Wrestlemania

    During his acceptance speech, Cole bragged that if he got the offer, he would put that streak up against the Undertaker.

    What a dream match!

    Maybe we will just have to wait about half a year for Cole to get back into that ring.

Most Desperate Attempt at Entering Hollywood

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    WWE loves branching out.

    They thrive off of the idea of becoming mainstream.

    WWE Films are only the latest and one of Vince McMahon's more mundane approaches.

    However, no matter how great of performers WWE superstars are, most will never make it as actors in Hollywood.

    This year, WWE Films continued to remind us why that is.

     

    Performance

    Big Show in Knucklehead.

    Triple H in The Chaperone.

    Randy Orton in That's What I Am.

    And the winner is...

The Big Show

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    Show is a long time veteran in WWE.

    This is his first lead movie role.

    That is such a waste of talent!

    We need more guys who can perform an entire movie in a diaper.

    That is exactly what would spice up Hollywood today.

Most Horrific Attempt to Work in the Ring

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    WWE has so many great matches over the years that sometimes we forget that is possible to be bad in the ring.

    In fact, some people can be absolutely dreadful when they enter that ring.

    These matches here are so bad that they have to be seen to be believed.

    This was another close battle with every match getting significant votes, but only one would end up leading the pack.

     

    Performance

    Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole at WrestleMania XXVII.

    Kaitlyn and Maxine on WWE NXT on Oct. 19, 2010.

    All 14 Divas on Monday Night Raw on June 13, 2011.

    And the winner is...

Kaitlyn and Maxine

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    This match can only tell its story by watching it.

    If you haven't watched it yet, watch it several times.

    It is very important that you understand the brilliancy of each spot in the match.

    Taker and Michaels got nothing on this.

    Though Maxine felt cheated that Kaitlyn got the Diva award for the Razzies, they still both graciously accepted this award as a token of their word for WWE.

Most Ghastly Attempt at Being a Main Event Star

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    So many people complain about Cena and Orton in the main event, but at least they are stars.

    Sometimes, wrestlers try to make it in the main event, and it just cannot work.

    The performances by the following show us that not everyone is made for the main event.

    Especially the two rookies here.

    Maybe with time....

     

    Performance

    Michael Tarver on Monday Night Raw on Oct. 5, 2010.

    Alex Riley on Monday Night Raw on Feb. 28, 2011.

    The Big Show at Capitol Punishment 2011.

    And the winner is...

Mr 1.9 Second Career Michael Tarver

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    This man could knock out a man in 1.9 seconds.

    He was a monster and had a horrible anger problem.

    The only reason he isn't a star is because John Cena broke his arm!

    Not my words, he said it himself.

    His career lasted about as long as his knockout punch, but he did main event Summerslam!

    At least his great work will be commemorated by this award.

    Tarver had no comment when given this award. He knew that when put in a crowd of people he had to be noticed. This was bound to come to him.

Congratulations on Surviving!

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    If you made it this far after having to think of all of those matches and performances, congratulations.

    As a reward, you can watch a video of possibly the worst match ever performed.

    It's all right.

    You don't have to thank me.

    Just watch all those vicious dogs threaten the wrestlers with their extremely vicious barking.

    I swear some performances are just disturbing.

    The voting results will be posted below.

    Thanks for reading, please comment!

    Worst Tag Team:

    David Otunga/ Michael McGillicutty 6

    John Cena/ David Otunga 34

    The Great Khali/ Jinder Mahal 12

    Worst Diva:

    Kaitlyn 20

    Aksana 10

    Maxine 19

    Worst Comedy:

    John Cena 15

    Hornswoggle 24

    Jerry Lawler 12

    Worst Midcard Performance:

    The Great Khali 32

    JTG 5

    Jacob Novak 12

    Worst Performances by a Guest or Part-Time Performer:

    Bret Hart 14

    Booker T 4

    Michael Cole 31

    Worst Movie Star Performance:

    Big Show 21

    Triple H 14

    Randy Orton 12

    Worst Performance in the Ring:

    Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole 13

    Kaitlyn and Maxine 21

    All 14 Divas 17

    Main Event Performance:

    Michael Tarver 33

    Alex Riley 9

    The Big Show 7