"The Man" Angered By Obama: College Football and Sylvester Croom Pay The Price

Bleacher ReportCorrespondent INovember 29, 2008

President-elect Barack Obama asked the American people for change, and they accepted. Then he asked for a BCS Playoff system, which just went too damn far:

“I think it is about time we had playoffs. I’m fed up with these computer rankings and this and that and the other. Get eight teams—the top eight teams right at the end. You got a playoff.”

This angered The Man quite a bit. If you do not know what The MAN, it is an underground network of white business men with superhero powers, lots of money, and ultimate power over everything.

Actually, never mind the money part, the US economy is in the tank—The Man relies on Nazi gold, and diamonds from  Sierra Leone and  Angola to fund his corrupt agenda.

Already fed up with the comparisons between Obama and JFK, The MAN decided against an assassination plot (although one is drawn up, just in case.)

Instead, he began pulling some strings in one of his most prized commodities: NCAA DIVISION I COLLEGE FOOTBALL.

The Man has long held college football near and dear to his heart, and any attempt to change it results in between 25-30 lashings of biblical  proportion.

Using Cisco Networks technologies, a subsidiary of The Man Inc., The Man contacted Mississippi State’s Athletic director Greg Byrne and forced him to fire the SEC’s first black head coach,  Sylvester Croom.

Croom, who was wise to The Man’s agenda, decided instead to draft his resignation.

An intra-company memo obtained from a trash bin outside The MAN Inc. details their mischievous plan. As with all intra-company memos, this memo was written on a lobster bib. Lobster is the only thing eaten by The Man Inc. employees.

It appears as though The Man Inc. is quite comfortable with Randy Shannon having a head coaching job. While The Man is all powerful, he does not have authority over The Sporting News, which ranked Shannon last in its BCS Coaches Rankings

Furthermore, it is reported that The Man has sent memos to all BCS schools demanding that they interview minority coaches, with rejection notices already drafted.

Any school entering an interview with a minority head coach without having a rejection letter signed, stamped, and dated will be fined and blacklisted.

There is a clause within The Man Inc’s written policy that allows programs in shit-hole cities like Buffalo to hire minority coaches, assuming they are paid a great deal less than their white counterparts.

The Man declined to either confirm or deny the truthfulness of  this article, and provided but one comment: “This will teach Obama to screw with college football.”

In other news The Man Inc. has decided to lay off top level executive Charlie Weis, as a result of his insatiable appetite. In this time of cut backs, The Man Inc. can only afford one lobster per person per meal.

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