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Sam Cassell and the Ugliest Jocks in Sports

Jason PorterContributor IJanuary 6, 2017

Sam Cassell and the Ugliest Jocks in Sports

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    It's good some athletes have to wear helmets because there are some ugly jocks

    Check this out if you dare. I will just tell you that is good that most of these people make a lot of money because they aren't exactly rich in looks. Since it is so close to Halloween I will introduce you to some pretty frightening images. Some of our sports heroes are just disgustingly ugly. I will profile 25 of them through some of the most horrific images ever captured on film (not really that bad, but close).

    Let me just let you know that Summer Sanders probably won't show up in any of the images. There are two reasons: she is too good looking and she is too smart to be caught dead being pictured with these ugly pukes.

E.T Phone Home

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    When did they start letting space aliens into the NBA?

Randy Johnson: Nice Facial Craters

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    Proactive got rid of the zits but left behind some nasty holes on Randy Johnson...

Gheorge Muresan: Is the Circus in Town?

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    Gheorge Muresan played for the Bullets. I would rather eat a bullet than gaze at that grotesque mug for an extended period of time.

Sam Cassell: The Mother Ship Has Dropped Many on Earth

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    Sam Cassel will not win any beauty pageants any time soon, but at least he is a real athlete unlike the freakish Muresan.

Dennis Rodman: How Did Jordan Not Puke Every Day?

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    Dennis Rodman, who is naturally pretty ugly, accentuated his ugliness with some good old fashioned American ingenuity. Scottie Pippen, on the other hand, is simply born with some serious genetic defects in the "easy on the eyes" department.

Mark McGwire: Roids Can Only Do so Much

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    Wow Mark McGwire! Pasty, nasty, pitted flesh. I feel like going to Home Depot and buying some spackle.

Popeye Jones: Yet Another E.T

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    Popeye Jones looks like an alien bred with a horse. Just an incredible masterpiece of ugliness.

Dirk Nowitzki: It's a Good Thing He Has a Feathery Stroke

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    Are those teeth real? They look like they were fashioned out of a Dove soap bar.

Patrick Ewing: He Could Break a Mirror

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    With Patrick Ewing, do I really need to beat this one into the ground?

Marshawn Lynch: Sans Helmet (it Would Help)

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    Looks a little like Predator. Maybe he could take on some of the other guys and we could film a new "Predator vs. Alien" movie.

I Didn't Forget the Ladies

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    She's a little teapot short and stout...

Ronaldinho the Ugly

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    If Gumby and Steve-O procreated this would be the result.

Two Cards Make the Slideshow

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    Speed, great batting average, yet he would have a negative average based on looks. Bear in mind, I selected probably his best photo.

Carlos Tevez: What a Slobbering Goof

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    Thank God Beckham can raise the bar for soccer player looks because Tevez drags it down several notches.

Good Thing He Has a Live Arm

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    ...a lot of time has been spent in front of the mirror popping ripe zits for this guy.


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    If the dude from Night Court and the dude off the Hills Have Eyes had their DNA mixed in a petri dish and fertilized, this hideous monstrosity would be produced.

Fantastic Choppers

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    Just out and out grotesque.

Otis Nixon: A Bit Freakish

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    Otis is not a handsome man.

Vinnie Johnson

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    Vinnie and Rodman teamed up right? What a disgusting lineup.

Joakim Noah: A Face Transplant Is in Order

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    I don't usually recommend face transplants for people unless their original face is ripped off by a chimp, I have to make an exception for Joakim Noah. I think a plastic surgeon should remove his current face and transplant one from a cadaver.

I Thought Scottie Pippen Deserved His Own Pic

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    It's a good thing Chicago also has a statue of Jordan to offset the one of Pippen or they would have people spilling their dinner all over the place.

Another Beautiful Beak

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    Looks like the offspring of Randy Johnson and the guy who played Laling in Carlito's Way.

Didn't Want to End on a Bad Note

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    I wanted everyone to be able to get their stomachs settled after the previous disturbing photos so I thought I would include this.

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