Building the Ultimate Hip Hop Football Team
I have been a fan of hip hop and football ever since I can remember. I was the one that recorded songs onto a cassette tape straight from the radio, and put the headphones in while I warmed up for my pop warner football game.
So I wanted to have a little fun and construct a football team with guys that are or have been in hip hop.
The criteria to build this Ultimate Hip Hop Football Team are:
- It doesn’t matter if the artist is dead or alive
- Size is in consideration for what position I put them in.
- Intelligence and swag also go into account.
I have put together the offense, defense, and coach for this team for a total of 23 guys. So here we go. I hope you enjoy.
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E-40 has been in the hip hop game for a long time with his crazy, lyrical rhyming skills. The man was one of the pioneers for the “Hyphy Movement” in Northern California, and the inventor of key phrases such as “Can you smell me?”
When I worked for a larger hip hop radio station in Sacramento, I got meet E-40, and he was a massive guy. With size and intelligence, it would only be fitting for him to the center for this offensive line.
Left Guard: Big Pun
Big Pun was a Puerto Rican rapper from the Bronx who took the mid 90’s by storm with his lyrical genius and fast rhymes.
Big Pun passed away from a heart attack at the age of 28, but his size would come in handy for this team. He isn’t too mobile so his best position would be left guard. He would be able to clog the middle so the defenses wont get any penetration.
Right Guard: Bubba Sparxx
“Ms. New Booty” was a radio hit that made Bubba Sparxx relevant and famous. He was a large, white rapper from Atlanta who really hasn’t been heard of since.
Why I chose Bubba to be my right guard is because at one point he had the size and look to be on the offensive line. Also with a name like Bubba, why wouldn’t he be on this team.
Right Tackle: Fat Joe
Now days, Fat Joe isn’t really that fat anymore, but when he was the sidekick for Big Pun, he was huge. When he first entered the hip hop scene, Fat Joe tipped the scale at around 300 pounds. Since then, he has lost a lot of weight.
But let's put the Fat Joe from the 90‘s at right tackle. He would probably be able to get a little push for running plays with his low center of gravity and weight.
I can just imagine what Fat Joe would be saying after the ball was hiked. “Lean Back, Lean Back.”
Left Tackle: The Notorious B.I.G. AKA Biggie
Left tackle is the highest paid position on the offensive line so why not give it to one of the greatest rappers of all-time in Biggie. Biggie is a hip hop icon who gave us hits like “ Hypnotize” and “One More Chance.”
He would be able to handle the pressures that come with playing left tackle. He was a man who had East Coast Hip Hop on his shoulders in the 90‘s. Biggie was also an intimidating, big man who had been dealing drugs since the age of 12. If I was a defensive end, and I saw an angry Biggie lined up across me, I would definitely be scared.
Rest in peace to one of the greatest rappers of all time.
Tight End: Game
Tight ends have to be able to block and catch the ball, and I believe the 6’4” Game can do both these things.
Game is a controversial rapper who loves to bring attention to himself. He is also one of the true athletes that hip hop has. Game graduated from Compton High School and received a scholarship to play basketball at Washington University before being kicked out for drug possession.
Game’s basketball instincts would come in handy in the red zone just as it has done for Antonio Gates.
We just have to make sure that the Game’s jersey doesn’t have any blue on them or he won't play.
Wide Receiver: Snoop Dogg
Snoop Dogg has been in the rap game forever and continues to put hits on the radio. It is also known that the “Dog Father” is a diehard Steelers fan. He is usually rocking black and yellow on a lot of his music videos. Snoop is also a coach and sponsor for his his son’s football team. This man loves football.
Snoop is tall, but very skinny and goofy looking, but I had to put him at wide receiver for the sheer fact that he is a fan of the game and for his height.
Maybe the quarterback can throw the ball up for grabs and Snoop can come down with it. Can you imagine the touchdown celebration. Snoop C-Walking all over the end zone.
Wide Receiver: Nelly
Nelly was a great baseball player coming out of high school and had the looks of making it pro. At the same time, he was also focusing on his rap career. Long story short, the rap career took off, and he has since given us hits like “Country Grammar” and “Air Force One.”
If you also remember Nelly bulked up for a role as the running back for the movie “The Longest Yard.’”
So you might be thinking why I put him at receiver when he already acted as a running back. Well there is someone that is more fitting to play the position. Besides, I see Nelly as more of a Wes Welker and Percy Harvin mold. He has the speed and quickness, as evident from the movie, to be a receiver.
Fullback: David Banner
At David Banner’s peak, his weight was up to 255 pounds and with that kind of size would only be fitting as a fullback. His major hit in the industry was “Like a Pimp” and he produced numerous songs for other artists.
David Banner is his stage name, which was taken from the lead character in the TV series “The Incredible Hulk.” This name was definitely fitting, with Banner spitting rhymes with tenacity and anger.
Imagine this Incredible Hulk plowing lanes for running backs. The defense wouldn't know what to do as this crazed man runs them over.
Running Back: LL Cool J
Remember that show “In the House” where LL Cool J was an ex-running back for the Raiders? He was also in one of the greatest sports movies ever in "Any Given Sunday." He actually fit the roles very well with his size and build. When I was a kid, I really thought LL had played some football in his life.
LL Cool J has put out countless albums and has been in the rap game longer then anyone on this team. His hits include “Going Back To Cali” and “Hey Lover.”
Put the ripped up LL Cool J on a football field and what other position would he play besides running back. He is very reminiscent of the great Bo Jackson, and I wouldn't be surprised to see him breaking away from defenses.
Quarterback: Jay Z
Today, Jay Z is arguably the most respected hip hop artist in the game. He has recorded countless number one albums, and is one of the best business men in hip hop. He also scored a trophy wife in Beyonce. I really don’t know how, but kudos to him.
Jay Z is a very intelligent man who can remember all his lyrics after only one take. That intelligence would pay dividends on a football field as the quarterback as he is reading defenses.
He has decent height, but what sets him apart from the other artist is his smarts, and how much respect he receives. His teammates would be drawn to him, and listen to everything he has to say. He is the Peyton Manning of hip hop.
4-3 Defense, Defensive End: Method Man
The defense that I chose to run is a 4-3, and to get some pass rush, I chose Method Man as one of my defensive ends.
Method Man jumped onto the hip hop scene as part of the Wu-Tang Clan. He has been known for his comedic personality and a love for smoking marijuana.
He stands at 6’4” with an athletic frame, and would wreak havoc on the opposing teams quarterback. The coach would just have to make sure he’s not smoking on game day.
Defensive End: Redman
On the other side of Method Man, I had to have Redman as my other defensive end. Method Man and Redman have been a duo for years collaborating on albums, movies and concerts.
Redman is close to Method Man’s height, but in terms of weight, he is lighter. Redman would have to use his speed and quickness against the right tackles.
Also be on the lookout for his new album to drop soon, titled “Reggie.”
Right Defensive Tackle: Rick Ross
Rick Ross is currently one of the top hip hop artists today, and we all know that he was once a correctional officer, but what people don’t know is that he played football at Albany State University.
He didn’t stay long at the school, and later began his rap career. But out of all the hip hop artist, we actually have one that did play some football.
Rick Ross has the look of Vince Wilfork and Albert Haynesworth, so why not give him the position of defensive tackle.
With his frame and Buddha belly, I can see Ross clogging the middle and getting some penetration.
Left Defensive Tackle: Chuck D
The politician and veteran of hip hop, Chuck D was in the group Public Enemy, a controversial group that made hits such as “Fight the Power.”
Chuck D continues to let his voice be heard, and is a strong advocate of civil rights.
I also guarantee that his voice would be heard in the locker room with his teammates. He is a strong leader and a very powerful figure. Put him on the line as a defensive tackle, and watch the offense be intimidated.
Weakside Linebacker: Timbaland
Producer, songwriter and rapper, Timbaland has been working in the rap game a long time. His list of hits are too long to name. He is very smart and innovative.
And have you seen this man lately? He has gone from pudgy hip hop artist to a completely different man. He has lost a lot of weight, and really bulked up.
So with Timbaland’s new physique, I decided to put him at the weakside linebacker position. This mastermind would be able to handle crossing routes by receivers and put out some serious damage if someone crossed paths with him.
Strongside Linebacker: 50 Cent
50 Cent was a former Junior Olympic boxer in the 1980’s, which means he is quick with his feet and hands. He was also a former drug dealer who found a way out through hip hop. His most memorable hit was “In the Club.”
50 has a movie coming out called “Things Fall Apart” based on a football player on the rise who is diagnosed with cancer. He put on more muscle to a frame that was already built like a linebacker's, and then lost the weight for the role when the character was diagnosed with cancer.
If 50 Cent took the route of playing football, it wouldn't surprise me to see him in the league today.
Middle Linebacker: Dr. Dre
The leader on defense is usually the middle linebacker. This is the player that calls the plays and changes it up before the ball is hiked. So who else would be the leader of this defense beside the master Dr. Dre.
Dr. Dre has produced numerous hits for artist such as Eminem, Snoop, 2Pac and more. He also has two great solo albums under his belt. He knew to take on a white rapper who everyone rejected, and made millions because of it. So why wouldn’t Dre be the leader of this defense.
Dr. Dre has recently bulked up his frame, and his neck reminds of of Goldberg's. The dude is seriously built like a linebackers, but he also has the smarts and determination to play the position.
He will definitely make sure that his teammates are on in the right position at the right time.
Be on the lookout for the much anticipated album “Detox,” which has been rumored to release for years.
Strong Safety: Ice Cube
“I push rhymes like weight.” Ice Cube has been pushing rhymes for a long time and with a great deal of success. He always has a “I’m Hard” look to his face which is why I would put him at strong safety.
I can see Ice Cube using his huge dome to lay receivers out. He has a no nonsense approach that reminds me a lot of the great Ronnie Lott.
His dedication and heart to succeed in whatever he does would definitely translate onto the football field.
I also can’t wait for the next installment of the movie “Friday” with Mike Epps and Chris Tucker reportedly in the film.
Free Safety: Eminem
Eminem gets to be on this team for the sheer fact on how many albums this man has sold. Whatever song he releases usually hits number one on the charts. Even though he is crazy at times, his career does demand respect.
I didn’t think he would have the speed to play cornerback or the size to be a linebacker so I figured the perfect position was free safety. Eminem would be like a Bill Romanowski, but at the safety position. He would probably spit and yell at the opposing team and at his own teammates.
I can also see the crazy eyes coming out reminiscent of Mike Singletary from the Bears.
Eminem is crazy, but smart, and would definitely do well on the field.
Nas is seriously a lyrical genius who doesn’t seem to mind that he isn’t too mainstream like the other rappers out there. MTV ranked him as #5 on the list of greatest MC’s of all-time, and he is definitely up there on my list. His album “Illmatic” is one of the classic and greatest hip hop albums of all-time.
Nas would be my shut down corner, stopping anything that come through his path just as he’s done with his lyrics. He has decent size to be a cornerback, but what sets him apart is that he isn’t afraid of anyone. That kind of heart is the type of player I want on my team.
Nasty Nas would be just that on my team.
Did you really think that I was going to leave off one of the greatest artist period? 2Pac was a true poet of hip hop. He used the problems that were going on in the streets, and brought it into reality with his lyrics.
But he was also controversial and a lightning rod that could strike at any moment. He had numerous run ins with the law, with the East Coast, and had been shot numerous times.
2Pac is a spark plug that every team needs. I would put him at the other corner position and watch him work his magic. He reminds of Deion Sanders. If 2Pac took an interception to the house, I could only imagine the celebration. He’d probably take off his helmet, put up westside, all while wearing a bandana tied in the front.
2Pac is one of the greatest rappers period, and I would have loved to see him play some football.
Rakim is widely regarded as one of the most influential and greatest M.C.'s of all-time. His album "Paid in Full" is regarded as one of the best albums of all-time.
Rakim is the Vince Lombardi of Hip Hop. He is a man of knowledge, and will bring all of it as a coach to this team. All the rappers/players will give their full respect to this legend.
Well, that is my ultimate Hip Hop football team that I have assembled. I hope you enjoyed, and let me know what you think.