This article is not meant to be taken seriously. Unless you work for Good Humor ice cream, stop reading and get to work on this topic!
Ever since CM Punk's rocket like launch into superstardom and the main event, one thing has been at the very top of his mind. Ice cream? Ice cream. Well, that, the WWE Championship and a feud between Nash/HHH/Johnny as well as the conspiracy of course.
The main topic everyone mostly cares about is the ice cream bars, no? Only me? Who else loved CM Punk's t-shirt at Night of Champions?
Wrestling ice cream bars were a hot topic back in the day and were revived by CM Punk on RAW one night. Superstars such as Hulk Hogan, The Rock, Chris Jericho and Stone Cold appeared on them. Sadly, Good Humor discontinued the ice cream a while ago.
I'm sure if the ice cream bars had been resurrected, Punk wouldn't be the only guy to appear on them. Who else?
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the face of the WWE and the entire PG Era, Mr. John Cena.
It should be obvious that Cena would get his own ice cream. He is "Mr. WWE."
I personally have no problem with young members of the CeNation putting "The Champ" in their mouths. Hell, we should be used to it by now since they have been shoving him down our throats all these years.
"Let's go Cena!"
One question about Cena-bars: Will they taste like Fruity Pebbles?
Another obvious one...
"The Viper," Randy Orton.
Orton and Cena are the obvious faces of the company and should be granted a spot beyond the main event. I'm talking, of course, about a spot on an ice cream bar.
I don't think Orton would like seeing people eat or bite him. He may complain to WWE management and get Good Humor de-pushed.
If so, maybe more ice cream for Randy. After all, robots don't get brain freeze.
This ice cream bar would melt in your hand because Kelly's so hot.
Pretty overrated right now, but hot.
I'd love to take a bite out of Kelly Kelly. I mean an ice cream bar version of her, relax.
I'd be surprised if there's any more of her left. Dolph Ziggler, Justin Gabriel and a few other people have had their share of K2.
Source: Randy Orton.
Can't yell at me for that sentence, Randy said it. Send your hate comments to him on Twitter at @RandyOrton
Oh come on, it's for the kids.
Everyone's favorite leprechaun-turned-wrestler-turned-mascot-turned...what's he do now in WWE?
I have to wonder whether the Hornswoggle bars will be full-sized or like those Dibs bite-sized ice cream snacks...
I'm adding Henry to my list because A) he won the World Title and B) it'd be interesting.
The ice cream bar itself must be huge and a contain special ingredient: sweat.
You get the full experience. You eat Henry, his sweat comes free. Think of it as ice cream with gravy in a way. Gravy from a 400-pound, 40-year-old man in the form of sweat.
I hate Getty images...
The most must-see WWE Champion of all time gets the most must-see ice cream bar of all time! Mainly because his ice cream photo will be courtesy of Getty Images.
R-Truth's way of getting "Lil' Jimmy" get got! Score settled, conspiracy somewhat solved. Bingo.
Ziggler, a good United States Champion, former Intercontinental Champion and associate of Vickie Guerrero.
Look, I mentioned Vickie without any fat jokes. Take notes from the hospital, Jerry.
Have you ever wondered what "Perfection" tasted like? Bleach. A lot of blonde bleach.
You know how John Cena called Sheamus a "Human jar of mayonnaise" or something like that? Well, the Sheamus bar comes with a catch.
Shredded carrots will be used to replicate his hair and ice cream will be replaced with mayonnaise.
Technically not ice cream, but still delicious.
Keep your kids eating veggies, hand them a Sheamus bar...and a Brogue Kick.
Maybe we can fill his ice cream bar with those holiday marshmallow Peeps to add some flavor and character.
WARNING: You may be sued by Christian himself if seen eating his ice cream bar.
Don't buy a Rey bar. Trust me.
They're not worth it.
Just like Rey-Rey, the bar is very fragile, and like his championship reigns, don't last long at all. The least they can do is include a replica mask to go with it...
Zack Ryder finally gets recognized! Not by a wrestling company, by an ice cream company!
From "Long Island Iced Z" to "Long Island Iced Cream."
Woo, woo, woo, you know it. Bro!
Any other superstars you want to take a bite or lick out of?
You could tell me but that won't do much. Tell the WWE on Twitter at @WWE.
I'd personally love to take a bite out of either Layla or Natalya. Yum...