Kendra Wilkinson: The WAG's 30 Hottest Pics and Funniest Quotes
Set your DVR’s fellas, because the third season of E!’s cleverly titled hit reality show Kendra, featuring (wait for it...) Kendra, premieres this week!
Surely you’ve been waiting with baited breath since season two ended as blonde super-WAG Kendra and her football fetching hunk, Hank, were arguing about whether or not the salacious details of her tell-all autobiography were too salacious.
Even Kendra's marital problems are sexy! FYI Hank: It’s called a tell-all for a reason, because nobody wants to buy a tell-some. Oh, and since mama pays the bills that keep you in silver chains and t-shirts, it’s really her decision.
Even if you aren’t a fan of Kendra, you are probably still a fan of Kendra. What’s not to like if you’re a red-blooded (straight) male? She’s hot, she’s blonde, and in most of your fondest Kendra memories, she’s naked.
Kendra is obviously famous for her looks, but it’s her penchant for ridiculous off-the-cuff, and often incomprehensible, remarks that has really elevated her to superstar status. She is the quintessential “dumb blonde,” who just so happened to make a gigantic pile of cash from being herself. Maybe not entirely dumb after all!
To celebrate Kendra and her ample assets, let’s take a look at her 30 hottest pics and 30 bits of wisdom courtesy of your favorite of The Girls Next Door.
30. Kendra on Walking and Wearing Clothes
This is why Kendra only wears underwear most of the time
Kendra on walking and wearing clothes at the same time.
"I couldn't even walk in my wedding dress. I could walk in skimpy outfits no problem, but when it comes to a gown and just moving, that's so hard."
Sometimes life is just too overwhelming, isn't it?
29. Kendra on Nerves
Kendra is mistaking daily bodily functions for nerves
Even the most seasoned performers can get afflicted by nerves! We all deal with them in different ways.
"Whenever I feel nervous, I feel like I have to poop."
Overshare girl. Overshare!
28. Kendra on Traveling While Pregnant
This car was filled with vomit by the time she reached her destination
Everyone knows nausea is an unfortunate side effect of pregnancy, but this is a "rich people problem" if I've ever heard one:
"I've thrown up in almost every limo that has taken me out in the last week, God, they hate me right now."
Something tells me she was right about that. Maybe next time consider staying home for a couple of days?
27. Kendra on Child Birth
Kendra is ready for her epidural
Kendra graphically describes her concerns about the birth of her first son, Hank:
"I'm getting an epidural, everything they can give me. That's the one thing I'm nervous about the most. Everything else is so fun, but I have visions of my vagina tearing, and that sucks."
That does sound like it sucks. I want an epidural when I get a cold, so no judgement girl.
26. Kendra on Maturity
Get used to this, because it's bikini tops and pigtails until the day she dies
If you're concerned that Kendra is going to become more conservative in her old age, don't be. She has basically assured the world that we can expect to be seeing all of that (see left) for all of eternity:
"I'm 24 years old and yeah, I'm a different person and I'm definitely more mature, but these are the tops that I'm going to keep on wearing."
In high school, I swore that I'd wear my thigh high Dr. Martens until the day I died, preferably at age 27 and under mysterious circumstances. Sometimes you have to reevaluate, but thankfully, Kendra's Dr. Martens (giant boobs) still have plenty of miles ahead of them before it's time to put them in the closet.
25. Kendra on Celebrity
It's the Wiggles world, Kendra's just livin in it
Kendra tweeted about the perks of being a world famous celebrity, and obviously, tickets to the hottest concerts are included:
"ahhhhh yayyyy we r at the Wiggles concert n just met them...we've never been so star struck!! Pixs coming soon"
Would've assumed the Wiggles were a little grown up for Kendra!
Kids...they grow up so fast, don't they?
24. Kendra on...Cooking?
The Chargers powder blue throwbacks certainly aren't gangsta
Kendra cooks apparently:
"Now that I have my grill, I definitely feel more like gangsta."
Grills are a lot of things, but gangsta really isn't one of those things. Not that I'm anymore of an authority on "gangsta" related...stuff...than Kendra.
23. Kendra on Fashion and First Aid
Did someone call a naughty nurse?
There's no denying that Kendra looks good in almost everything (and almost nothing) but could she rock this look:
"I really don't start planning my outfits until, like, a week ahead, because, whatever I put on is gonna be hot—you know, you could wear...two Band-Aids and a cork (Girl Next Door)."
How much do you want to bet that she has actually worn two Band-Aids and a cork?
My question is WTF is the cork for?
22. Kendra on Valentines Day
Best Valentines Day ever
Not sure what you want to surprise your lady with next Valentines Day to guarantee sex? Boom, Kendra has got you covered:
“He surprised me with ten dozen roses in our hotel room, and I surprised him with sex!” on Valentines Day.
Something tells me hers wasn't much of a surprise. All in all though, sounds like a pretty baller Valentines Day.
20. Kendra on Sports
Kendra could probably beat Tiger Woods in a round of golf
Kendra isn't just a girly girl with massive...personality...she's also a sports fan!
“I love watching boxing with Hef and rooting for my favorite football teams.”
Don't you love watching baseball with your friends and rooting for your favorite horses and puppies?
20. Kendra on Her Privacy
So if I pull this down, you guys will leave right?
Even someone who splits her life between tabloids and reality television needs privacy, and Kendra knows just how to get the alone time she desires:
"I ask them politely to respect that we need some time alone. Or I just lift up my shirt. It's too expensive to blur boobs."
Ah yes, I've always found that taking off my shirt is the best way to get people to leave me alone.
19. Kendra on Baby Hank Learning about Her Past
I have the exact same bathing suit
Kendra isn't concerned about how her old life could impact her children, mostly because she thinks they are going to think it's crazy amounts of awesome. Who knows, maybe they will, after all; teenagers always think their parents are crazy amounts of awesome, and not horrifying.
"I think he’s gonna love it! There’s nothing like seeing your mom sexy and happy. Your babies will grow up happy if you’re happy. "
That's right little Hank Jr., nothing cures teenage sexual confusion like your friends constantly showing you naked pictures of your mother.
18. Kendra on Her Birthday
Bet she didn't get asked for her ID even ONCE! Unfair.
On a very special episode of E!'s The Girls Next Door (I know, I know, they were all special), the gals at the mansion organized a two-day celebration to celebrate Kendra's 20th birthday. Kendra was thrilled, and at the end of the episode, she realized that the love that surrounds her, not her ballertronic party, is the most important thing of all.
Well, love and this:
“There is nothing better than a bunch of balls hanging down from your door!”
Her 20th sounds exactly like my 20th! I visited a friend at Penn State, and we spent the whole weekend smoking pot and eating macaroni and cheese.
Okay, so maybe not exactly.
17. Kendra on Bad Career Decisions
THIS was a good career decision
Apparently Kendra has been contemplating a breast reduction. Seriously:
"I’d definitely consider getting my boobs redone after breast-feeding. They're a little too big now. I've considered getting a breast reduction."
Good idea Kendra, since we're making good career decisions: Billy Joel should sell his piano and take up the bagpipes, Tom Brady should give up football for bocci ball and the Jersey Shore kids should quit that show and apply to Harvard.
16. Kendra on How To Cure a Broken Heart
Kendra knows the best way to solve, or create, a problem is to mainline hard liquor
As you've probably heard, Hugh Hefner recently suffered a broken heart after the love of his life (Blonde 1,437) broke off their engagement just days before the wedding, halting a marriage that we all knew was written in the stars. Kendra, being an angel from heaven, knew exactly how to cheer Hef up:
"We r comin over w some jack n coke. Oh, n a pipe lol."
Definitely not hating on this idea! This is how I handle everything from a stubbed toe to a death in the family.
15. Kendra on TSA
Something tells me Kendra gets patted down at the airport all the time
Kendra is known for many things, and her positive disposition is one of her less-valued attributes. She even has a positive take on dealing with TSA at the airport:
"Thank you BDL Hartford airport for giving me my own TSA line! I hope they pat me down cause I think I kinda like it! Lolol"
Remember the last time you were at the airport and got felt up publicly by a disgruntled overweight TSA employee, while holding your own shoes, as crowds of people collecting their belongings from buckets watched? Kendra enjoys that.
14. Kendra on Fitness
Sexercising with Kendra
Kendra is a fitness nut who has a penchant for saying ridiculous things, so obviously she has a few ridiculous things to say about fitness:
She totally sold Hank Baskett out on that one, I hope his teammates let the fart jokes rip at his next practice.
"today is perfect workout weather..I love clouds w sun pokin through and crisp air haha..I'm a fool lol"
Oh girl, you might be a fool, but I promise it has nothing to do with your enthusiasm for workout weather. At least you're a successful fool livin' large like PDiddy in a mansion, unlike me, who is just a fool. Sigh...
13. Kendra on Youth
All that and she still finds time to stand around in her underwear with guitars
If you've been concerned that Hank and Kendra's baby has put a damper on their sex life, don't worry, they're doing just fine. Although, if you were actually concerned to begin with, please seek professional help immediately.
"When the baby sleeps, we have sex! That's what it is for us. That's why it's so cool to be young parents because we have the energy to do that."
Wow, so all those kids on MTV's Teen Mom are doing it right! Who the hell knew?
12. Kendra on Baby Excrement
Scientific studies indicate skimpy bikinis are the anecdote for baby poop talk
Kendra explains the formerly unexplainable to me in these TMI quotes about parenting:
"It's so funny that you say that, because, Hank just sent me a video of the baby pooping, and I'm like, "I miss his poop so much!"
"Up all night with the lil man again but i enjoy every min of it, He almost peed in my face today."
People with kids are always annoyed when I compare their gifted little cherubs to my dogs, and now, I finally understand why! If you love something so much that you miss its poop when you're away and gleefully celebrate it nearly peeing on your face, well then you officially love your children more than I love my dogs.
11. Kendra on Stripping
The Playboy mansion is like Mecca for strippers, and stripping brought her to the holy land
Kendra explains how she got into stripping, that she's not a druggie and the difference between Dancing with the Stars and a strip club, as mentioned in her autobiography, Sliding Into Home:
"I was feeling sexy because of the attention I was getting [for modeling at car shows]. I was eighteen. I thought, “I should be a stripper.”
I had no idea that I could parlay my car show success into a successful stripping career! Noted.
"I wasn't a druggie stripper. I was a very good person doing it."
A stripper with a heart of gold is a classic Hollywood story! Perhaps, it's time Kendra gets a shot in a lead movie role that you don't have to watch in private.
“I don’t have any dance background except dancing at somebody’s party. It’s one of those things where you really think you look good when you’re dancing. But then catching a glimpse of myself? I’m like ‘Oh no, not so much.’ You know in a club, there’s no mirrors!”
I'm not sure where Kendra stripped, but I've been to a few strip clubs, and they were constructed almost entirely of mirrors. Ah well.
10. Kendra on Self-Defence
This outfit would be distracting at the gun range
I always thought the idea of learning some kind of martial art as a form of self-defense seemed like far more trouble than it was worth, considering this is America! Why kick someone who is trying to attack you, when you can kill them?
"Hank and i went to the shooting range the other day so that he could teach me how to shoot a gun, or two or three hahaha. I think its so important that every woman learn self defence. Plus, it’s fun.(sic)."
That's right, Kendra owns a gun or two or three. Be afraid Californians, be very afraid.
For the record, USA! USA! USA!
9. Kendra on Parenting
Sometimes, being a parent can wear you the heck out, or so I've heard. Got the baby blues and need a little rest? Kendra suggests taking a nap and getting a dog to pick up the slack:
“Martini (a dog) and baby Hank are best friends. It’s the cutest thing. Baby Hank lays his head on her. Martini is our babysitter now. If we need a breather, Martini will bring baby Hank the ball, and he will throw the ball to her for an hour straight.”
I know she was kidding. I didn't know she had a dog named Martini. I have a dog named Martini, and frankly, I'm a little bothered by this. My Martini is older though, I swear to god I didn't steal my dog name from Kendra.
Side note! I hope the dog-babysitter is different than this dog that she tweeted about:
"my dog catching a mouse outside by the house n killing it is prob the worst bittersweet moment ever!"
Babies and dead mice do not mix.
8. Kendra on Education
I see someone is still wearing her school uniform from gradeschool
Kendra is a blonde bombshell with surprisingly solid perspective on her website (h/t MSNBC):
"I want you guys to know that I know that this fantasy land I live now doesn't last forever and I now that and thats why i go to school. This can all go away in the blink of an eye so I am also using this situation to save money for my future. Oh yeah and what you see on tv is not always the truth by the way even if its a reallity show."
Stay in school kids.
And please, for the love all that is good and holy, learn how to spell words and capitalize said words appropriately.
7. Kendra on Sex with Hef
Girl musta been drunk off her ass to get through those nasty old man orgies
Ever wanted to know what sex with Hugh Hefner and his bunnies is like. Me either, but thanks to Kendra we have an awfully graphic account from her autobiography:
"Eventually everyone got out of the tub and climbed onto Hef's bed, where he was lying on his back waiting. There were about seven other girls with me, and we were all naked... Some of the other girls were slapping ass, getting all kinky, and yelling out all sorts of crazy things. I was scared; these girls were strangers to me. I just sat on the edge of the bed and watched. I wanted to be left alone and only do what I had to do...It was like a job."
So basically imagine that your favorite lesbian porn movie has your great grandfather smack dab in the middle getting spanked by blondes with rabbit ears. That's a typical night for Hef.
6. Kendra on Independence Day
Not pictured: beer koozies and Doritos salad
Kendra is just like us, she has white-trash summer holiday parties! Booze, beer koozies, salad with Doritos in it and...nude thongs?
"happy 4th of july everyone..god bless america...and nude thongs hahaha. Beer, bbq, and bloated is the way to celebrate!!"
Heck yeah! The 4th of July just happens to be my favorite holiday, and Kendra listed all four reasons I love it. Maybe that's exactly why other countries hate us so much, but in the words of the great Daniel Tosh, when you been kicking ass and takin' names since 1776, haters gonna hate.
5. Kendra on Stripper Poles
Yes the rumors are true, Kendra has a stripper pole in her kitchen
Kendra loves the stripper pole she has in her kitchen so much that she went into the stripper pole business, but unlike you, she wants to see senior citizens on them:
“The best thing about it is seeing all types of women on my pole. There was like a 65-year-old woman who was taking a class on my stripper pole. There were these girls who played soccer, like athletes. That’s what I like to see on my pole.”
There are no words.
Unless "ew" is a word, in which case there is one word.
4. Kendra on Fiscal Repsonsibility
Kendra in her most fiscally responsible outfit
Think Kendra is just filing her taxes will-nilly and not making sure that every single thing is a write-off? Think again suckers:
"Right now I think I'm the smartest I've ever been. I'm doing everything great now and everything perfect. Like with this taxes stuff. I'm getting better at that. I'm making sure everything is a write-off. Every single thing."
This quote insinuates that Kendra does her own taxes, and I'm sorry but I have no choice but to call BS on that.
3. Kendra on Mailing Stuff
If she wore this to the post office, someone would probably offer to help
For most of us, it's tough being on your own for the first time; laundry piles up, unwashed dishes start to stink and the refrigerator rarely has anything more than empty pizza boxes and vodka. It's much tougher if you are someone who isn't exactly a rocket scientist:
"The first time I mailed something on my own, like a couple of months ago, I didn't put a stamp on it! My mom, she was like, "Are you serious? You didn't put a stamp on your mail?" I'm like, "Dude, I've never been on my own before, how am I supposed to know?""
The USPS is already broke—broker than a homeless crack addict. Imagine if they just mailed our crap for free! That would be the worst idea ever..
Oh, my God! Somebody call up Washington because I've got an idea they are going to go craaaazy for!!
2. Kendra on Politics
This would make an excellent campaign poster.
Kendra tweeted (what I hope is a passing) interest in running for public office:
"I think i wanna run for mayor. Ps I've had a couple glasses of wine in Atlantic City."
Most excellent life decisions are made while drinking unless you're in Vegas or its trashy cousin, Atlantic City.
1. Kendra on Kendra
Kendra bein Kendra
Kendra once described who she is and what she likes in a single statement, said on The Girl Next Door:
"My favorite part about this whole shoot is taking pictures of who I am. Sexy, classy nude pictures, you know?"
We do know, and you'll be sexy, classy and nude to all of us. Forever.
Love you Kendra!
(If you're reading this because you're bored and at home Googling yourself, please send me an autographed stripper pole for Christmas.)