IMPACT 9/15: Flair/Sting, Queen's Qualifier, Angle's Challenge, (Humor)

Charlie GSenior Writer ISeptember 16, 2011

Hello everybody and welcome to another review! I lost track of how many I did or else I'd do an intro just like Zack Ryder.

What'd everyone do this past week?

The 10th anniversary of September 11th passed, No Surrender passed and we crowned two new champions, Night of Champions is coming up and Smackdown is tonight.

I bought the No Surrender pay-per-view and thought it was worth it. 

I may have gotten into a little trouble with two other individuals. I think you may know them. They go by the names Jay Lethal and Sonjay Dutt. Yeah, they still aren't over SoCal Val and, of course they read my reviews, and they issued a challenge to me for sometime this week.

As you would guess, both guys are on Bleacher Report and sent me a private message. They told me to meet them at the Pink Taco restaurant in Orlando, Florida in a three way Black-Tie Affair match. The winner will get SoCal Val, a box of Cheez-Its and a possible IMPACT contract. What should I do?

Opening Segment

Ye olde, Ric Flair came to the ring in his classic ring robe.

He called out Sting and said to get to Hogan he has to get through Flair first. Flair says he'll get Hogan over his dead body! WHOOO! 

Sting then tells Ric that he's going to die tonight! Scorpion Deathdrop and Scorpion Deathlock. Flair is dead! Well, with Ric's old age and brittle bones, I like Sting's chances of murdering him tonight.

Jeff Hardy is shown backstage. He wants to go talk to some of the guys in the back. Don't do it, Jeff! Some one might get really pissed off at you! (Foreshadowing).

Pope, Devon, Tara & Brooke Tessmacher vs. Mexican America

The ladies of Mexican America are representing their country and looking hot. Hernandez looks to have gotten some new tattoos. One on his stomach and one on his arm.

You think he went to Shannon Moore's Gas Chamber Ink?

Both teams went back and forth. The men mostly dominated the match as the Knockouts just watched.

Both teams were working well, good team work.

Mexican America looked to have this match won at least three times. Sarita and Rosita were a big part of that reason.

Pope and Devon knocked out Hernandez and Anarquia, and the ladies of MA jumped on their backs. Pope and Devon easily tossed the girls off them and they were met by Tara and Brooke. Two spears.

Pope and Devon keep Hernandez and Anarquia out of the ring as Tara and Brooke hit their finishers at the same time.

Brooke's Victory Roll and Tara's double hand choke slam for a double three count.

Winners: Pope, Devon, Tara & Tessmacher

Score one for a roll-up style pin.

Overall, the match was good and could be used to promote a feud around both Tag Team Championships. Mexican America wants all the gold!

New vice president of the Knockouts, Karen Jarrett, is in her new office. Traci walks in and Karen tells her she's late and needs to cover up with her attire more often.

Karen wants all the Knockouts in here, NOW!

Commercial break...

We're back in Karen's office and so is Madison Rayne! High-fives all around!

Rayne kisses up to Karen the whole time and seems to be Karen's favorite. Maybe more TV time?

Um, Traci, you messed up. Where's Winter, ODB and Jackie? Oh. They weren't invited? Okay.

Karen says that this game between Mickie and Winter needs to stop. Mickie asks what game and Karen says about the winning and losing exchange. They keep swapping the title. She takes away Mickie's rematch clause!

Yes! That's why you have to love Karen! Mickie/Winter was old, boring and not working for the title. Thank you!

Karen makes a "Queen's Qualifying Tournament." The winner of the tournament will get to challenge Winter at Bound For Glory for the Knockouts Championship.

The Knockouts break out into a pillow fight of joy. Yeah, you wish.

The following matches were made:

Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love: Takes place tonight.

Brooke Tessmacher vs. Mickie James: Next week

Madison Rayne vs. Tara: You get the idea.

Fortune's A.J. Styles, James Storm, Kazarian and Daniels are in the ring. Who's missing? A.J. introduces the BFG Series winner, Bobby Roode!

All the Fortune mates play a game of "pass the mic" and all say good things about Roode and all believe that he is the next World Heavyweight Champion.

The funny part was, Daniels mentioned defeating A.J. Styles like three times during his talk.

This party draws out Heavyweight Champion, Kurt Angle.

Kurt issues a challenge. 

Every week, Bobby Roode will face off against a member of Fortune. If a Fortune mate defeats Roode, they have strong odds of being the number one contender if Angle retains at BFG.

First challenge for Roode is Kazarian tonight.

After commercials, Jeff Hardy is backstage, and holy sh*t, he is getting ripped apart by A.J. Styles. A.J. is pissed the hell off! A.J. says he doesn't drink or do drugs. He hates Jeff Hardy for almost killing what he helped create nine years ago: TNA. He basically says that they cannot coexsist.

Now, I'd like to debut, my friends, the new IMPACT review analyst, Ron Simmons!

Ron, what is your expert analysis of what A.J. had to say?

Ron Simmons: ...

You heard him. Even Ron Simmons thought that was brutal.

Queens' Qualifier

Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love w/ Winter

 Before we even let the pigeons loose, Angelina attacks. The poor pigeons get held up...

Angelina dominated most of the match until Winter unintentionally messed her up. Angelina went for a clothesline, Velvet ducked and almost hit Winter.

Velvet tried to get a Cena-like comeback but she's not the superhero of the Knockouts division. Everyone knows Mickie James is. Hell, she even dressed the role at No Surrender with her Wonder Woman attire.

Angelina held Velvet as Winter was ready to tee off on her head with the belt. Velvet ducked, Angelina was hit instead, Velvet hit a DDT and won.

Hebner was watching the whole time but I guess he doesn't like Angelina enough to call a disqualification.

Winner: Velvet Sky

There was some good Knockouts action. Former Beautiful People squared off. What I found odd was Angelina motioning to become a six-time Champion despite the fact that her new BFF, Winter, is the champion.

Hogan and Flair are backstage thinking of a plan. Sting shows up and tells them his plan.

Beat Flair. Then beat Hogan.

Good plan.

Please welcome the newest edition to "Team Bring It...via satellite," Crimson!

Crimson tells Joe he's going to pay for injuring him. Tenay asks for an update and Crimson says he'll be back in two weeks, two weeks. He took a page out of Anderson's book at the end there.

Crimson's a pretty underrated talker, in my opinion.

Submission Match

Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan

This seems one-sided, right?

Joe lost cleanly to Morgan at No Surrender and Joe wanted a submission match. Match granted!

These guys were brawling and tossing each other around a lot. Samoa Joe slammed Morgan on his knee and put on a Figure Four type move. Morgan tapped.

Winner: Samoa Joe

The match was pretty short but Joe finally gets a win! I don't really know why this match happened, but it was decent.

Now Devon is yelling at Jeff Hardy backstage. To sum it up, Devon says Jeff is better than that and says he has his back if he needs anything.

What's your take on that, Ron?

Ron Simmons: ...

My thoughts exactly.

Bobby Roode vs. Kazarian

Two homegrown TNA talents. Great to see it happen.

Kazarian and Roode didn't punch each other in the face but had a wrestling match, not a brawl. After Kazarian got frustrated, he punched Roode a couple times and a brawl exploded.

They were beating the hell out of each other in what I'd call the match of the night.

There was lots of back and forth action and it was fun to watch. 

Kazarian went for his finisher but Roode reversed it, ducked a clothesline, then followed up with a cross-face all in one smooth motion.

Winner: Bobby Roode

Roode's momentum continues and after the match they shake hands and Kazarian tells Roode that he's ready.

Good match by these guys.

Everyone's favorite X Division star, Austin Aries, is being interviewed. Aries says that they mind as well rename the X Division to the A Double Division because everyone can bring their 'A game' but he brings his "A Double game."

Aries says his first title defense is next week against Jesse Sorensen.

Bully Ray and Jerry Lynn get to talk with the cameras now. Lynn says that the smoke has gotten to RVD's brain since he didn't pay attention to Lynn always getting him disqualified too much.

Lynn says he's going to kick his ass next week then slaps Bully Ray on the chest and tells him to say something about beating on RVD.

Bully says he doesn't care about Rob since he's been kicking his ass for 15 years. Bully will focus on Anderson while Lynn focuses on RVD. Ray wants to see Lynn kick RVD in the face really, really hard.

Main Event

Sting vs. Ric Flair

If Sting loses, he leaves IMPACT. If Flair loses, it's Sting vs. Hogan at BFG.

Okay, I did the math and there's about 176 combined years in the ring at the same time. Sting (52), Flair (62) and Earl Hebner (62). That's near prehistoric in wrestling.

This match was said to have gotten bad reviews by people that saw it live. Surprisingly enough, most of the blame was pushed toward Sting. He was more forgetful than Flair! Nothing a little editing can't change.

I don't care what anyone says, but Ric Flair will entertain me even when he's 90 and flopping around the ring and talking about bringing girls to his hotel. He's a "wrestling GAWD!"

Both guys are in the ring and Flair takes off his robe.

The match wasn't as bad as it seems. It was a fairly slow paced match for Ric's sake and he didn't seem to have too much noticeable ring rust.

Sting superplexed Flair off the top rope and went for a pin. Immortal ran to the ring. Sting fought off Gunner and Steiner as Abyss and Hogan watched from outside. Bully Ray came from behind with his chain, but then Mr. Anderson chased him away with a chair.

The ref was distracted by so many run-ins, which allowed Flair to punch Sting with brass knuckles. Flair gets a close two and Sting fights back, eventually getting Flair to tap out.

Winner: Sting

Bound For Glory now has two main events, Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode for the World title and now Hulk Hogan vs. Sting.

Next weeks show has the following:

X Division title: Sorensen vs. Aries

Daniels vs. Roode

Tessmacher vs. James

More to be announced...

Thanks for reading and good-bye!


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