Cristiano Ronaldo this week pinpointed why everybody seems to hate him so much. It's not the diving, the showboating or the irrepressible petulance with which he conducts himself every time things don't go his way.
No, it's that everyone is jealous of how handsome and talented he is. Spot on, Ron!
He may be shocked to learn, however, that he's not the only Zoolander to pull on a pair of shin pads. Here is a rundown of the best looking guys in the game today, otherwise known as the “10 reasons why your girlfriend will consent to watching a soccer game with you”.
Although he's clearly aware of it, Cristiano Ronaldo is, in the words of my girlfriend, “SOOOOOOOO HOT!”
In all honesty, Ron does sport a fairly impressive six pack, and it's pretty hard to miss considering the alacrity with which he pulls his shirt off after every game.
He does seem to pull the girls, too. Ron currently dates Russian model Irina Shayk, best known as the covergirl for Sports Illustrated's latest swimsuit issue. Previous concubines also include Gemma Atkinson and Alice Goodwin.
Have fun Googling those names.
No matter how many permutations of hairstyle he works through, the end result is the same: David Beckham is quite a handsome man.
As the athletic half of soccer's foremost glamor couple, Becks has become the soccer player that even people who ignore the sport know something about. With a face like that, he was probably going to end up on a billboard even without the sweet dead ball game.
Everything about Kaka suggests the nice young man you'd bring home to meet your mother. From the clean-cut good looks (seriously, has anyone ever seen this guy with a five o'clock shadow?) to the right-side-of-the-tracks Brazilian upbringing, to his unwavering faith in God.
If you were married to Caroline Celico, you'd probably point to the heavens every time you scored, too.
No one rocks a receding hairline quite like this guy.
Like many defenders, Cannavaro was a player who seemed to get better with age, and many of the ladies I've watched soccer with seem to agree. While the long locks of his youth are now gone, Cannavaro still lives up to the standard of all men named Fabio.
During the 2006 World Cup, when many Australian sports fans got their first taste of the World Cup rollercoaster, this was the guy every woman was asking me about.
“Who is that gorgeous man they always interview?”
The answer was Socceroo captain Lucas Neill, who turned a strong showing at the Cup into a lucrative transfer to West Ham. He was also No. 1 with a bullet on every Australian woman's “guy I'm allowed to sleep with” list.
If there was some kind of machine where you could generate a random physical appearance based on certain attributes, the "boyishly handsome Spaniard" template would be Cesc Fabregas.
With his perpetually slick coif staying perfectly in place as he terrorises opposing defenders, Fabregas is probably the most effective spokesmodel for hair gel in existence.
It's hard to say who would win a post-match shirt removal race between this guy and Cristiano Ronaldo, but Onyewu might have him beat for muscle tone.
At 6-foot-5, Onyewu is also the tallest outfield player to have pulled on the USA jersey, fulfilling that “tall, dark and handsome” criteria that women are always going on about.
With a name better suited to a character in a Danielle Steel novel, Raul already has a head start. I remember my mother taking a particular interest in Real games when I was growing up and pronouncing his name a little closer to “grooooooowl”.
In true captain style, Raul hasn't really sought out the limelight off the field, so he's never attracted the attention of other glamor boys of the game. Cristiano, take note.
It wasn't so long ago this guy was being touted as the next Zidane. Fortunately, they weren't referring to Zizou's looks.
Yoann was also a tennis champion in his youth, meaning that he almost ended up on a list of pretty boys alongside Nadal, Safin and Roddick.
Hispanic players have got a solid look-in on this list, but it wouldn't be complete without "The Roque."
During the 2006 World Cup, Cruz was voted as the sexiest man at the tournament by two separate German publications, Kicker and Die Welt.
He's married already, but personally I'd like to see Cruz matched with Paraguayan superfan Larissa Riquelme, just so we can see what their kids would look like.