The Hottest Roller Derby Pics Ever

Timothy RappFeatured ColumnistSeptember 14, 2011

The Hottest Roller Derby Pics Ever

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    Let's start this slideshow with a sentence you are going to doubt, but I promise you is true: Roller derby is flipping awesome.

    That's right, I said it. Watching a bunch of chicks in fishnets and roller skates flying around the rink and slamming each other to the ground is wildly entertaining. Plus, they each take on a ridiculous moniker, like "Beyonslay" or "Shenita Stretcher."

    Oh, and if you aren't convinced yet, a lot of derby chicks are pretty hot as well. But you don't have to take my word for it...

Roller Derby Is Badass

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    And if you don't believe me, just watch this video.

    Awesome.

Undercover Derby

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    By day, she's a sexy international spy who uses—shall we say, creative—methods to uncover information.

    By night, she's a vicious roller derby superstar who calls herself "The Silencer."

    Coming soon to a theater near you is this season's surprise hit, Derby Double Agent.

    You see heaven. You get 007.

    (I have too much time on my hands.)

Flower Power

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    Don't be fooled—there is nothing peaceful about roller derby.

Roller Derby Is the Heavy Metal of Female Sports

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    So if you used to get queasy in the mosh pit at Blink-182 shows, well, roller derby probably isn't for you.

    You wuss.

Seriously, It's a Rough Sport

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    Apparently, we are witnessing the tragic end to a bar fight in this picture.

    Somehow, I don't think the aftermath of a beer-bottle to the head has ever looked quite this sexy.

    That's roller derby, folks.

Andrea Dearborn

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    Even Getty Images has stored up a few photographs of sexy roller derby chicks in their files.

    Rock on, Getty.

Jean Schwarzwalder

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    Getty strikes again.

    Why do women look so sexy with eye black on?

    And why did John Randle make himself look like this during his playing days?

    Some things I'll simply never understand.

High-Speed Action

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    Roller derby isn't all heavy metal and sexy women, of course. It's a sport, after all—there are skills required.

    Let's learn how to do a leg whip!

Stretching Is Vital

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    Roller derby is gaining in popularity, and is stretching itself out all across the country. There is even a centralized-league, the WFTDA.

    The Women’s Flat Track Derby Association is the international governing body for the sport of women’s flat track roller derby and a membership organization for leagues to collaborate and network. The WFTDA sets standards for rules, seasons, and safety, and determines guidelines for the national and international athletic competitions of member leagues. There are currently 124 WFTDA member leagues and 65 leagues in the WFTDA Apprentice program.

Do Not Attempt to Roller Skate Up or Down Stairs

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    The thing about roller derby is that women from all walks of life come together to derby together, making the sport as eclectic as it gets.

    From Steve Pokin of of STLtoday.com:

    They range in age from about 20 to the mid-40s. Some are mothers. Some are students. Some have played competitive sports since high school. One wrestled in college.

    For others, this is their first foray into athletic competition.

    "You can let some aggression out," says Kim Dillon, 36, of St. Louis, who plays for St. Chux. The team practices three times a week at SK8 Galaxy in St. Peters.

    "This is the only selfish thing I do," says Darci McAfee, 32, of St. Peters. "I'm also a mother, a wife, a caregiver, an employee."

To the Victor Goes the Spoils

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    And I'm talking about the trophy, fellas, so take it easy.

Roller Derby Would Be Painful on Pavement

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    Injuries happen. So pay attention to the Bay City Bombers Training Guide before you just go out there skating willy-nilly.

    No matter what people think of "any" style of roller derby, it is full of serious injuries.

    Some people are injury prone and never escape ongoing hurts and problems.

    Other skaters go through an injury phase, usually the first few years of bouting where they are injured often but learn to avoid the injuries over time.

    And still others suffer minimal injuries their entire skating career.

    If you can't hack it, pack it in.

You Know She's Bringing the Pain

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    Want to know all of the rules in roller derby?

    Go here.

    Want a quick introduction to how the sport is played?

    This should suffice.

    Don't forget your turtle-shell bra!

Enjoyable Outfits

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    Are you a fan of roller derby yet?

Gear Up

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    I'm fairly certain it is some sort of rite-of-passage that roller derby participants get tattoos.

    It works.

"Whip It"

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    So this picture appeared alongside an article at WSJ.com about Alex Cohen, and is a pretty cool story.

    By day, Alex Cohen hosts “All Things Considered” for station KPCC in Los Angeles. By night, however, the former NPR reporter tears around an angled track as a rock ‘em, sock ‘em roller derby girl. A long-time champion of the sport, which was invented in Depression-era America and revived in Austin, Texas in 2000, Cohen was tapped by the producers of the upcoming derby film “Whip It” to teach its leading ladies how to authentically scrimmage and take a fall.

    For those of you unfamiliar with "Whip It," here you go.

More from "Whip It"

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    Okay, okay, so this is more from the movie Whip It, sue me. It's really hot, am I right?

    Oh, and so is this picture, which might be the hottest photo I've ever seen of Drew Barrymore.

    And here is more from the Alex Cohen interview:

    Of all the actresses on the film, who was the best skater?

    They all learned remarkably well. Kristen Wiig, on one of the first days, said she remembered doing a certain move as a kid, and pulled out this maneuver called “shoot the duck,” where you’re basically in a low crouch and one leg is jutting forward. It was amazing, because there are girls who have been skating for years who can’t do that. Zoe Bell, who’s a stuntwoman, is ridiculously fit and talented. I remember her asking the training team how to do a 360 degree jump and we said no, because we physically couldn’t do it at our level [of skill]. But she fiddled around with it and figured it out on her own, and you can see her doing it in the movie.

Roller Derby Stretching

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    Don't let the heart-shaped sunglasses or the lollipop fool you—if she's a roller derby player, she'll rip your spine out if necessary.

Still Not a Fan of Derby?

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    If you're still on the fence about how cool roller derby is, maybe this lovely lady can convince you to change your mind.

Can You Hear Me Now?

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    Many women who play roller derby not only enjoy the sport, but claim that it has done wonders for their self-esteem:

    Roller derby players say the dichotomy of the game is such that it allows them to be feminine and yet let out their aggression at the same time.

    "I like being girly and I also like to hit people, so it's the best of both worlds," said Melaine "Pushywhipped" Severns of the LA Dolls.

    It's even helped some lose weight and helped boost their self esteem.

    "Take everything that it is to be female, be tough, strong, beautiful and be recognized as athletes as well as women," Ninburg said.

Roller Derby Calendar, Part One

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    A few pictures from a roller derby calendar found their way on to the Internet.

    It seems like a pretty awesome calendar.

Roller Derby Calendar, Part Two

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    The devil may wear Prada, but she also wears roller skates, apparently.

    God bless this devil.

Roller Derby Calendar, Part Three

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    It would be January all year long if I owned this calendar.

Chew on This

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    Drew Barrymore isn't the only high-profile actress to put roller derby on the silver screen.

    Actress Raquel Welch played a roller derby girl in the 1972 movie, "Kansas City Bomber," and Rebecca Romijn jumped into the skates in "Rollerball" in 2002.

    Real life roller derby girls say it's the mix of beauty and aggression the sport offers that keeps them spinning.

    "I love hitting girls on roller skates," said Kristen "Krissy Crash" Adolfi, laughing. "Where can you find this many powerful women in one place who love kicking the crap out of each other."

Game On!

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    It's only appropriate to end this slideshow with a sexy derby chick about to bash in some skulls.

    What an awesome sport.

     

    Be sure to hit me up on Twitter (@TRappaRT) along with the entire B/R Swagger team (@BR_Swagger).