As all 6'2" of me sits writing this, I can tell you from experience that being tall has its benefits: Reaching for things on high shelves, looking over the top of crowds and being free to mock your vertically challenged friends for their genetic misfortune.
But for all the advantages of being tall in the real world, is it as beneficial in the extrinsic world of a footballer? In some cases, the answer is obvious—of course it is.
In the physical battle zone of the Premier League goalkeepers, central defenders and centre forwards alike have been signed largely because of their tape measure result.
The problem is this: the short footballer is now very much in vogue. As previously exemplified by 5'5" Diego Maradona, now resurrected by Lionel Messi (5'7") and Barcelona in general, the demand for small, technical footballers is spreading across Europe with the likes of David Silva (5'7") and Sergio Aguero (5'8") beginning to make waves through the Premier League.
But while the tall can still lay claim to prominent roles in the footballing world, let's celebrate some of the tallest players currently plying their trade in the best league in the world.
My selected formation is a narrow 4-3-3; there is no width because there are no giant wingers. The rule of this list is simple: Every position must be filled by someone vaguely capable of playing that role in a real-life scenario. Hence, I decided against starting Brede Hangeland at full-back.
So without further ado, here is a selection of footballers—pretty much all of whom are more talented when it comes to growing than they are at actually playing football, thrown together to form a completely hypothetical team who wouldn't stand a chance if they ever collaborated in a real-life game.