WWE: 6 More of the Biggest Storyline Fails in Recent History
After all the love I received from my first article, I decided to find five more of the stupidest, pointless, and just all-around worst storylines that the WWE has given us in the last couple of years.
There's nothing worse in WWE then a bad or boring storyline. At times it makes even the common fan shake his head in shame, and although the WWE is slowly getting its reputation back, there is still A LOT of memories that I wish I could just forget.
But lets get right into it...here are six more of the biggest storyline fails in recent history.
1. Goldust Really Loves That Belt
Goldust has had tons of weird and creepy moments in his storied career, you pretty much have to if you're going to be called The Bizarre One.
But in the last few years, nothing can even compare to his very strange obsession with the Million Dollar Championship belt.
It all started off with mysterious messages that were being sent to Ted DiBiase and his girlfriend Maryse. The only problem was, no one was sure who the messages were for, or who the stalker could be.
These messages continued for a few weeks, and for a while there I actually thought it might have been me considering they were the same notes I sent to Maryse a few weeks beforehand. I never got a call, though.
Finally, one fateful night, the moment the entire WWE Universe was waiting for had finally arrived. Goldust walked down to ring, revealing himself as the stalker. The vote was still out though over who he was going for, since I never really did know what Goldust was into all these years. You can make a strong argument either way.
Finally, he got on all fours and crawled in typical Goldie fashion to...DiBiase's Million Dollar Belt.
Wait...what? THAT'S what Goldust wanted? A freakin' belt? Even though a helpless Maryse was literally two feet away from him, he chose the belt. Why? Because it was shiny?
This feud continued for a while. Goldust was getting married or something on NXT, and DiBiase just wanted that damn title back since it's the only real belt he has, or probably will, ever hold at the rate his career is going.
Then, because Goldust is such a nice guy, he finally gave it back to Ted's dad. The cool Ted DiBiase. Afterwards, all was forgiven and the rivalry officially had ended. Goldust disappeared soon after with an injury and has probably retired.
Either way, the whole thing just seemed pointless, and stupid, and even a little creepy.
But hey, at least it wasn't as creepy as this...sweet dreams, kids.
2. Every Moment During Jack Swagger's Title Reign
From the moment Jack Swagger and his lisp won that Money in the Bank briefcase at Wrestlemania 26 back in 2010, I was actually very relieved. FINALLY, someone was going to cash in the briefcase and fail. No way would the WWE be stupid enough to give the prestigious WWE title to that goofball.
And I was right, they didn't give the WWE title to Swagger. They gave him the World Heavyweight Title, in what I can only call the worst move since David Arquette hosted up that same belt 10 years beforehand.
Seriously though, WWE...why? Most fans barely knew or cared that Swagger existed, so in your infinite wisdom you decide to give him the Heavyweight Belt? Whatever, maybe it won't be so bad.
And as we all expected...it was bad. Very bad.
Simply put, Kurt Angle he ain't.
Swagger was just a crappy champ, that's all there is to it. He could wrestle pretty good, but his level of popularity just never even got off the ground. Plus, his mic skills were borderline Lucky Cannon in terms of confusion, and that lisp...oh my god, that lisp.
So wrestling fans, how would you solve a predicament like that? A great physical talent with no clue how to handle a microphone or couldn't draw heat if he punted a baby.
Answer: Give him a manager, of course!
Well...the WWE had a much better idea in mind. Give Swagger a humongous chunk of Smackdown to stand in the ring and just talk about himself and his accomplishments. Sometimes he'd even bring a few props just to make the segment even more unbearable.
Sure he got some boos, but I think it was more because the whole crowd was simply tired of hearing him speak for 40 minutes every Friday night. The things were so ridiculously long, they would take commercial breaks in between his mic time.
I don't know about you, but I like to see my World Heavyweight Champions actually wrestle, not show off his memorabilia from his Sooner days.
His title defenses were never that spectacular either. He obviously beat Edge and Chris Jericho in his first PPV title defense in a very predictable match. Then he battled and defeated Randy Orton in an odd contest considering The Viper was still on the Raw brand.
Then, at Over The Limit, he lost to Big Show, but retained the title after intentionally disqualifying himself, which is just simply an unacceptable outcome for any PPV match in my opinion.
Finally, at Fatal Four-Way, Swagger lost to everyone's favorite masked man, Rey Mysterio. After months of failure, one of the most painful title reigns to watch had officially ended.
Ironically, Swagger actually had a nice feud with Rey after the he lost his title, and the addition of the ankle lock to his list of moves made things a bit more interesting for the All-American-American-American-American...American.
But by then, the Swagger push project had officially failed, and now poor Jack is doomed to probably float in the dismal abyss of mid-card obscurity for years to come.
Swagger is still young though, and has plenty of time to become a legend in this business. He just wasn't Heavyweight Title material at the time of his reign, and because of that, the entire Smackdown brand became pretty pitiful to watch.
3. The Death of Cryme Tyme
I still will never understand what Vince McMahon was doing with the tag team division for the last couple of years.
The Usos still are not, and probably never will be, used to their full potential.
The premature ending of The Hart Dynasty was absolutely astonishing.
And let's not forget about all those teams that won the titles and then lasted only about a week, like Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre.
But none of these things were more stupid and pointless then the break-up of Cryme Tyme. It wasn't needed, it was a horrible feud, and it resulted in the complete death of not one, but TWO careers.
It all started when Shad Gaspard attacked JTG after they lost to John Morrison and R-Truth. I guess he was tired of losing all the time, which is pretty likely to happen when you're wearing Timberland boots in the ring. Maybe if they wore pants that fit them too.
Anyways, it was clear that Cryme Tyme was dead, which actually tore me up a little inside. Then Shad was asked backstage about his actions...and he had this to say.
"No more Time... no more Cryme Tyme...this is my time." Then he said "MY time" just once more for good measure, and walked away. Those were some pretty bold words coming from a guy like Shad.
Okay cool...so it seemed like Shad was going to be the Shawn Michaels of this little break-up. That was fine with me, he certainly had the look, and the overall potential to become something big in the WWE.
Over the next few weeks, Shad and JTG went through the typical steps of a tag team break-up. They attacked each other and called each other out every chance they got. Finally, it was clear that things were going to finally erupt at the upcoming Extreme Rules.
And how would these two guys, who were practically brothers, settle the score? Just like everybody else does it in the streets. In a strap match, of course!
Well, at least Shad would win, after all it was HIS time. Then if it all went well, the former Cryme Tyme star would be a regular in no time. And who knows? Maybe JTG wouldn't have that bad of a career after all.
Then, as if the creative team was playing a sick joke on them and us the whole time...JTG won. Shad then went on to beat JTG on Superstars, but who really cares? The damage was already done. Now, I had no idea what the plan was for these two guys.
Apparently, neither did the WWE. JTG hasn't been on Smackdown for an eternity. As for Shad, apparently it actually was his time...to get released.
Good call on that whole, "Let's break-up Cryme Tyme" guys. You're right, the tag team division was getting pretty crowded.
But seriously, why was that break-up ever necessary? Why put those two in a ridiculous strap match? Why go on to release one and basically keep the other for no good reason?
It was absolutely ridiculous, and did nothing but make the tag team division even worse. Sure, the Hart Dynasty break-up was just as bad and pointless, but this is Cryme Tyme we're talking about here.
And the way it was done? Completely unnecessary and pointless. At least the WWE had somewhat of plan when it came to Tyson Kidd and D.H. Smith, even though it failed almost immediately.
The death of Cryme Tyme was just awful to watch, a complete train wreck of a feud and break-up in every way conceivable way.
4. Dolph Ziggler Wins the Heavyweight Ti...Nevermind
Maybe it's just me, but it seems like the WWE simply can't make up their mind when it come to Dolph Ziggler.
They gave him tons of heat and gave him a legitimate manager with Vickie Guerrero. They gave him good mid-card title runs. They tried to give him a "new and improved" look and made him change his hair more times than RuPaul. And even though he's lost a little bit in the shuffle on Raw and won't be in a main event anytime soon, the current U.S. Champion definitely has a very bright future.
Heck, he's even a former World Heavyweight Champion. Of course his reign only lasted about 10 seconds. In fact, this is the only photo I could find of him holding the belt. That's how short he had it for.
Nothing says fail like losing your new title before you could even put it around your waist.
What exactly was the WWE's plan in that situation? As if the World Heavyweight Title didn't have enough problems (go back to two slides).
It all started after Teddy Long was mysteriously attacked backstage, making him incapable of doing his job as General Manager. Vickie Guerrero took over, fired the current champ Edge, and then proceeded to give her boyfriend the Heavyweight Title.
Twelve minutes later, Long came back, rehired Edge, made a match, and the Rated-R Superstar got back his title.
First off, I'm not too sure GMs can just give titles to people. Can you imagine the anarchy that would cause? That's way to much power for a CEO, let alone a fake general manager.
Secondly, what kind of stupid storyline is that? Giving Ziggler the title for a few minutes does nothing but continue to break down a once prestigious championship belt.
I sincerely hope that the WWE plans on giving Dolph a legitimate title reign in his career, or that may go down as the most pathetic excuse of a championship push in history.
Twelve minutes of fame. Poor Dolph couldn't even make it to 15.
5. Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon
In my opinion, the return of Bret Hart is still one of the greatest moments in recent wrestling history.
It was everything that a return of that caliber should have. It was emotional, nostalgic, it buried hatchets, and it revived friendships.
Then Vince McMahon had to go and ruin everything.
Honestly, it was difficult putting this storyline on my list of fails, since the buildup to Bret and McMahon's showdown wasn't really all that bad. It was a match that took more than a decade to create, and man, was I excited to see Vince in a sharpshooter.
But that match...good God, was that match horrible. It basically was 11 minutes of Hart bashing Vince with a chair while the entire Hart family watched, and it instantly killed everything that this match was set up to be.
Of course, I wasn't asking for a lot from a match like this. 65-year-old Vince McMahon vs. 53-year-old Bret Hart didn't exactly deserve any kind of main event coverage, but I expected it to be entertaining nonetheless.
Plus, the match was pretty well hyped, even though Hart's mic skills were, and always will be, terrible. Vince did a good job carrying most of it, and I knew that Hart's return to the ring would definitely be something very special.
It turned out to be the longest 11 minutes of my life, and I honestly didn't know who I felt sorrier for, the fans who had to witness it, Bret Hart who embarrassed himself, Vince who just got the crap beat out of him, or me for actually paying to watch this on my couch at home.
It was the most anticlimactic moment of the year, and for that, it gets a rating of FAIL.
6. "What's Michael Tarver Doing There?"
The headline of this slide was the same exact question I asked every single week back in early 2011. Sometimes the questions were a little different, but they all served the same purpose.
"Is that Tarver again?" "Wait, someone please tell me what Tarver's doing back there?" "Is Tarver back?" "Where's Tarver's cool black bandana thing?"
Back in early 2011, ex-Nexus member Michael Tarver just suddenly popped back up out of nowhere onto our television sets...but he didn't wrestle. Instead, he just lingered awkwardly in the background every once in a while during backstage segments.
Sometimes he would pop out and laugh when someone would get dissed. Sometimes he would be shown just watching a wrestling match on a backstage T.V. for no good reason at all.
He was even in the room when someone found Teddy Long unconscious that one time. It was as if Tarver just kept sneaking into segments every once in a while to remind the WWE that he still existed.
Something had to be going on though, right? He wasn't just showing up on my television for no reason. You don't just show a guy backstage watching a wrestling match and not expect him to get involved. Nobody does that.
Well, apparently Tarver does that...because that's all he ever did, and there continued to be no rhyme or reason to any of it.
Then, six months later, he was released. Leaving millions of WWE fans with nothing but a bunch of questions and confused looks on their faces.
Seriously though, WWE...What Was Michael Tarver Doing There?
There you have it, six more total WWE storyline fails.
Thanks for reading, guys. Feel free to comment.
Random Wrestler of the Day: The Mountie