His wrinkles are actually diagrams of plays. Little known fact!
Ok, so you're probably not making the trip to Happy Valley this weekend to watch the Tide play Penn State. That means you're probably stuck watching the game on ABC (2:30pm kickoff) with your annoying brother-in-law or some annoying guy in a sports bar.
Wanna make a buck or two off the poor schmo?
Here's a quick run down of some useless trivia about Penn State that you can use to wager against your relative and/or friend and win some quick cash.
We'll even forgo our usual 10 percent fee and allow you to keep all your winnings if you refer the poor relations to Bleacher Report for the answers—the answers you already know thanks to this slide show.
Let's begin with a quick $10 wager.
Why is CNS the only one smiling?
Everybody knows Joe Paterno is the all-time leader among major college coaches in wins (402 wins in 46 years).
But where does he rank in regards to winning percentage?
Among active coaches, JoPa ranks third with a winning percentage of 74.7 percent. It's Bob Stoops who holds the current lead at 80.7 percent (130-31), followed by TCU's Gary Patterson at 77.1 percent (98-29).
After Paterno, two SEC coaches fill out the top five: Mark Richt at 73.3 percent and Steve Spurrier at 71.7 percent.
You can bait the mark you're scamming money from by asking the question in two parts; give him the overall win total one (everyone knows Paterno is the leader in total wins), but then sandbag him by making him tell you where he ranks in percentage.
Now you can give him a chance at double or nothing.
Trent needs to not get tripped up on Saturday.
Alabama, Miami, Nebraska, Ohio State and Texas have all had six unbeaten, untied regular season records since Paterno became head coach at PSU in 1966.
How many undefeated regular seasons have the Nittany Lions had since then?
Paterno has led his charges to seven, count 'em, seven undefeated seasons since assuming the helm at State College. Two of those lost national championship games; five of them finished with perfect records.
Two of those teams won the national crown.
By the way, Oklahoma has had only five since '66.
Actually, you could ask the question as a "more or less than Alabama" proposition, but that drops your win possibility to 50-50.
Take the $20 you have and offer another double or nothing.
The newly minted Big Ten Championship Game now has a trophy to give to the winner of the game between representatives from the Legends and Leaders divisions.
Penn State certainly has its eye on that game and that trophy.
What is that trophy's name?
Hint: It's named for two of the conference's greatest coaches of all time.
Make sure you leave this hint for your betting buddy; he's likely to say "Schembechler and Hayes," but he'd be way off base.
It's actually the Stagg-Paterno Trophy. The "Stagg" part, of course, is for Amos Alonzo Stagg, coach of the University of Chicago. Yes, Chicago used to be part of the Big 10.
And, yes, Joe Paterno has a team vying for a trophy named after himself. Odd.
If you've won all the bets so far, and we know you have, you're up to $40. Give him one more chance.
The Louisiana Superdome on Sugar Bowl Night.
Everyone knows that the Nittany Lions and the Crimson Tide played a classic 14-7 game in the 1979 Sugar Bowl which gave Coach Paul Bryant another national championship.
Four years earlier, Penn State was invited to play in the first Sugar Bowl played in the Louisiana Superdome.
The question for your friend: Who was their opponent and what was the score? Again, you should give the pasty a hint—the team PSU played is also an SEC team.
Answer: The Tide beat Paterno and the Nittany Lions 13-6 on December 31, 1975 in the facility's inaugural bowl game.
By the way, Alabama holds a 9-5 series lead against Penn State and a 3-2 edge in Happy Valley.
$80 in the bank and time for one more question.
The two teams play for the Land Grant Trophy.
While at Michigan State, Coach Nick Saban's teams played Paterno's charges five times. Counting this coming Saturday, Saban will have faced Penn State two other times at Alabama.
The final question—for all the marbles (or money or bragging rights or whatever wager you made)—is:
How many times has Coach Saban defeated Penn State through the 2010 season and what is his overall record against Paterno?
Answer: Saban defeated Paterno two times while at MSU (out of the total of five wins MSU has against PSU!) and, with the win last year in Tuscaloosa, Saban and Paterno are 3-3 against each other.
In fact, Saban's first two losses against Penn State were by a combined seven points, against teams ranked 14th (1995) and seventh (1996). Saban's upset of then No. 4 PSU in 1997 (by a score of 49-14) ranks among the coach's signature wins in his career.
Don't all sports bars look like this? Don't they?!?
Well, you've won. Congrats.
While you wile away the fourth quarter of the Alabama win Saturday against Penn State at your local sports bar (see photo), look thoughtfully at your glass of Guinness and impress your cohorts with the following Penn State trivia.
—PSU has more wins (819) than does Alabama (803)
—Alabama as a program may have more bowl invites and wins, but Paterno holds the record for most invites and wins by a single coach
—Paterno is the only college coach to have won all five major college bowl games (Rose, Cotton, Sugar, Orange, Fiesta)
—PSU has defeated Temple 28 straight times (including last season) and holds a 36-3-1 series lead
—Penn State has played rival Pitt 96 times, but the two have not played since 2000. The series will be renewed in 2016
—Like Alabama, Penn State has had only one Heisman Trophy winner-John Cappelletti (1973)
Enjoy watching your boys turn Happy Valley into Sad Canyon Saturday.