Who is the grandest showman when it comes to touchdown celebrations? There will be no NFL Rules Committee to fine either men as they attempt to show up one another. Whoever loses (and dies) will make many NFL coaches happy, as that means there is one less distraction to coach.
Cynthia Rodriguez vs. Madonna (Special Guest Ref: Alex Rodriguez)
The divorce is in the works for all parties involved. The question going in is how will A-Rod call this match? Does he call a fair match or is he going to be bias to one of the women competitors? One other question to think about, is Madge "Like a Virgin" when wielding a chainsaw?
Intermission....
Michael Vick vs. PETA (Dog Kennel Match)
The ring will be surrounded by the pit bulls that survived Mr. Vick's care. PETA will look to make an example out of the once profitable football star. They will not be throwing paint in protest, instead they will throw fists and whatever weapons they can get their hands on. Vick will have to rely on his leg work, but has all that time away from the field made him lose a step?
Zinedine Zidane vs. Marco Materazzi
This match is just in case Zidane did not extract enough revenge defending his mother's name when he was apparently called, "the son of a terrorist whore." Materazzi, who was caught offside (by the headbutt that is), will he see the attack coming now and can he defend himself? Italy was able to win the 2006 World Cup, can Materazzi, the Italian, win this too?
Ron Artest vs. Jermaine O'Neal vs. Stephen Jackson vs. Ben Wallace vs. John Green vs. Alvin"A.J" Shackleford vs. Charlie Haddad (Special commentators: Marv Albert and Bill Walton)
A brawl to end the brawl. We re-visit the Malice at the Palace in 2004 where fan interaction was brought to whole new level. For those who do not know, the last three individuals involved in the match: Green was the cup thrower, Shackleford and Haddad were the two guys who made their way onto the court. Haddad was the guy to get that slide-punch from O'Neal.
The action is will difficult to cover as this one is sure to go all over. Albert and Walton will provide great humor as we can only hope to hear Albert shout, "Yeeeeessssss."
Hulk Hogan and Christiane Plante vs. Linda Hogan and Charley Hill
The man who ran wild on all of us will try to take down his soon-to-be ex-wife and her new beau. Hogan hooked up with his daughter's best friend, which was a factor for the Hogan family feud. Linda became a cougar and can now be seen strutting down Hollywood with her 19 year old boyfriend. "Whatcha gonna do, brutha!?"
Shaquille O'Neal vs. Kobe Bryant (Special Guest Ref: Phil Jackson)
This beautiful marriage did not last in LA and Shaq was shipped off to Miami before his current Phoenix team. Since the big fellow's exit, the Lakers and Bryant have yet to win another championship.
We all know the back-story here. The town was not big enough for both men. Kobe got into that whole adultery situation and called out Shaq. The NBA would capitalize on the rivalry, always televising Heat-Lakers games.
Now, Shaq is reportedly saying he is welcome to rejoining Bryant and the Lakers after his current contract expires. He says it was fun in LA and most of the problems were caused by the Zen Master, Jackson. It is only fitting, then, that Jackson be the one to ref the match up.
Main event: Adam "Pac Man" Jones and Chris Henry vs. Roger Goodell and Paul Tagliabue
Jones and Henry have given the NFL Commissioners headaches since they entered the league. This is the match where all members can settle the score.
If the players win, they are clear to play in the NFL and their past transgressions are no longer looked at.
If the commissioners win, the players must disappear from the public eye forever.
I just wonder, if the team of Jones and Henry wins, does Jones make it rain for the fans?
There's the lineup, enjoy.
Ladies and gentlemen: Let's get ready to ruuuuummmmmmmmble.
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