A few years back, MTV had the very entertaining clay animation show Celebrity Death Match that would pit popular celebrity figures in a fight to the death. I feel it is time to bring the show back, sports style, with a jam-packed card sure to be worth your cash. Thinking long and hard, I have compiled a series of matches based on events and individuals from the past five years.
Dark Match (only to be seen by those in attendance)
Danica Patrick vs. Anna Kournikova
A battle between two sporting beauties who have made a big splash in the sporting world's media but not so in the win column. This is not to say that the two have not won, but they do not win frequent enough to garner the attention they do. Kournikova, to be fair, has been out of the limelight for a few years now and the Patrick watch has lessened.
Show begins...
Opening match: The Williams Sisters vs. The Manning Boys
Remember all those Oreo commercials that started out as Peyton versus Eli? Then Venus and Serena entered the fray. Well, here we go, a tag-team battle to the death. With Peyton's recent surgery, how mobile will he be in the ring? Can the brothers compete with Serena's posterior? Will the teams break down—thus leading to in-fighting due to all four fighters' competitive nature?
Detroit Lions fans vs. Lions front office
After suffering through years of despair, the Mo-town fans will finally enact some revenge. There is no denying the amount of losing they have had to accept and this year is no different. This match is not for the weak at heart as I am sure the fans will not hold back.
Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, and Roger Clemens vs. MLB, George Mitchell, and Brian McNamee
The saga continues here ladies and gentlemen. Clemens is going to use this match to clear his name and try to fix his reputation. McNamee is not to be taken lightly as he is out for justice. Does McNamee's expertise with needles help him with the various utensils of death. Can "The Rocket" still throw 90 mph to deliver a brush back with the best of them?
Jose Canseco let the skeleton out of the closet about steroids in baseball with his book Juiced. Basically, he did not really endear himself any better in the eyes of Major League Baseball. The book led to Congress stepping in, thus the Mitchell Report.
The current home run king, whether you accept him or not, still wants to play ball but which team is going to bite? We all know he is talented with a bat, but can he use his massive-size cranium to deliver pain?
Pele vs. David Beckham
This is a battle for whom is the USA's greatest ambassador of soccer. Both men were brought over to make soccer (the real football) into a bigger draw. There is no denying Beckham has the youth advantage, so to even things out, we will bring Pele back circa 1960s. Can Pele deliver a death plow worthy of a plague? Can Becks bend a soccer ball straight to the soccer legend's cranium for a knock out blow?
Chad Johnson vs. Terrell Owens
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