I Hate Tom Brady: Five Reasons You Should Too
Greed, sloth, wrath...yada, yada, yada.
I know it’s one of the big seven, but I hate the guy anyway.
Envy, according to Pope Gregory, will get you a luxury box seat for the Lake of Fire Bowl. But did he have to live with Tom Brady?
You hate him too. You know it, so fess up. And the sooner you get in touch with your inner envy, the sooner you’ll feel better about waking you up in the morning.1. He can throw a football. Yeah, I’m sure you can too. But, when your kid runs a perfect route, ten yards up the street, breaks at the ’96 Buick and heads for the mailbox; you skip it off the street and the closest player to it is the fire hydrant.
2. He can pay his child support. I know a lot of you out there probably pay it too (Ricky Jackson not included). However, he didn’t pack up half of everything he owns and move back in with mom and dad after he saw the court order! On the other hand, when your baby’s momma finishes with you, half of everything you own fits in the back of a 1992 Toyota Celica, with the back seat up.
3. He works five months a year and makes millions of dollars. Sure, it’s a year-round sport now, but can you really count training camp and working out at home? It’s like saying you’ve got a year-round gig while you’re looking for a job after you’ve been laid off, fired, or downsized. And having to go in once a week to justify that unemployment compensation benefit is more stressful than preseason football, I’ll guarantee you that!
4. The Victoria's Secret catalogue. You’ve got your reason for keeping it around the house all year, he’s got his. And his won’t get him arrested if he happens to leave the curtains open, not to mention his mom’s not going to catch him under the covers with that and a flashlight.
5. 'Till death do us part...He’ll be parting about the time he gets to the sleepwear section of the catalogue. You’ll be parting when she’s says it’s time to part. And you’ll be parting with your money, your car, your kids, your house. Hey, say hello to mom and dad for me when you get there!
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