20 Fictional Characters That the UFC's Anderson Silva Must Face

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20 Fictional Characters That the UFC's Anderson Silva Must Face

I have something to tell you if you're willing to read closely.  The fighter that you know as "The Spider" isn't human by any stretch of the imagination.  He's a robot created in a top secret lab by Dana White and the Fiertita brothers whose sole purpose is to leave you awe inspired so you'll fork over your hard earned cash without the slightest hesitation.  In other words, Anderson Silva is a pyramid scheme personified and we're all suckers for buying into it.

Don't believe me?  Dana White touted Yushin Okami as the best Japanese fighter on the face of the planet.  He told us that Okami is a fighter who very well could untangle Silva's web of dominance. Within the blink of an eye, White’s robot took down the Japanese fighter known as "Thunder." It was a cruel reminder for Okami that at 36 years of age, Silva can still teach you how to say adios, arrivaderci, and sayanora faster than a Rosetta Stone wet dream. 

If there was thunder that night it sure as hell didn't come from Yushin Okami. Once again a world class mixed martial artist was made to look like a fool at the hands of a fighter who may have tapped into something that only Bruce Lee was privy to.  "I asked myself, 'Where was this so called thunder?"

That's when it dawned on me that the thunder was the sound of Okami's back hitting the canvas as a sold out Brazilian crowd erupted into a fever pitch. The result couldn't have been more disastrous for Okami if Silva asked him to commit seppuku (a form of Japanese suicide by disemboweling oneself) in front of a live audience.  

After the fight, MMA's talking heads took to the airwaves in an attempt to put into words the brilliance they just witnessed at Okami's expense.  Soon the names of Jon "Bones" Jones and Georges St-Pierre were thrown about like exhausted clichés.  After what transpired in Rio, how can anyone possibly believe that Anderson Silva can be beaten by mere mortals?

Eventually the radio show I was listening to was drowned out by the sound of a cash register and the maniacal laughter of Dana White.  His pyramid scheme was a well oiled machine.  We were suckered into believing that Yushin had a fighting chance.  We went all in and our proverbial wallets were set ablaze for it.

Do mark my words when I say that no man on Earth can defeat Anderson Silva.  Jon Jones can't beat him nor can Georges St-Pierre.  Unless an opponent discovers a way to reverse engineer him, he won’t be beaten by anyone short of a superhero.  Our money is being sucked into a vortex of predictability and monotony.  The ending has been the same for 14 straight fights.  Anderson Silva KO’s a fighter, wishes him so long and farewell, and then starts dancing like he’s starring in the sequel to The Sound of Music.  I’m expecting a little more from Dana White the next time around. 

I want to see Silva vs the Predator.  I don’t care if M-1 Global represents the interstellar extraterrestrial.  Just get him in the Octagon against Anderson Silva.  If co-promotion is a sticking point, here are 19 other fictional fighters that may give “The Spider” a run for our pay-per-view money.

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