If there is one thing that I know for sure in this life, it’s that bros absolutely love fantasy football.
What is a bro, you ask?
I will answer your question with another equally ridiculous question: What is not bro?
Libraries, doing homework, respecting authority, going on fancy dinner dates, not drinking too much, not popping your collar, not wearing visors, not wearing plaid shorts, chick flicks, classical music, wine out of the box, non-contact sports, non-designer sunglasses, little girly dogs, purses, tea, sophisticated conversations and anything else not bro.
Those are all things that bros are not, so if you can imagine the opposite, you are probably imagining a bro.
Bros like beer, babes and badass football.
With that in mind, here are the 10 most bro-tastic fantasy football names ever:
Bros love to win.
In fact, when they can't win they usually become angry and obnoxious bros, and that's never a good thing.
Sometimes, even when a bro doesn't win, he will pretend he wins, or shrug it off like he really doesn't care.
Inside he is crying like a baby...
I'm not sure if Joe Flacco is a bro or not, but I do know that you can can rhyme Joe with bro!
That in itself is pretty bro.
Bros love beers.
Bros love burgers and fries.
Bros love beer, burgers and fries.
If you've ever known a bro, you know that they can pound down the grub.
They also love money, being lazy, getting angry and unnecessary violence.
Albert Haynesworth may be the patron football saint of bros for those reasons!
Have I mentioned that bros love beer?
I'm pretty sure Tony Romo is a bro.
He dates hot chicks, he gets dumped by hot chicks, he wears his hat backwards.
Sounds like a bro to me!
A victory lap is when a bro stays an extra year in college to party.
Err...I mean work on his grades...
In the bro culture there is a tradition called "icing your bros."
This is when you get down on one knee, pull out a Smirnoff Ice and hand it to your bro in a hopefully awkward situation.
According to bro code he is obligated to chug that Smirnoff ice no matter where you are or what you are doing.
Best places to ice a bro: class, in front of his girlfriend's parents, his wedding, thanksgiving dinner, so on and so forth.
Hands down, the Dave Matthews Band is the official band of all bros everywhere.
If you could somehow put together a bunch of cheep beer, a few dozen frisbees and get Jack Johnson and the Dave Matthews Band to play a concert; I can guarantee you that within 10 minutes you will have attracted every bro within a five-state radius of where you are at.
I am not even kidding.
Keep it bro.