Miami Dolphins Sign Running Back Larry Johnson

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Miami Dolphins Sign Running Back Larry Johnson
KANSAS CITY, MO - OCTOBER 25: Running back Larry Johnson #27 of the Kansas City Chiefs watches the scoreboard during the game against the San Diego Chargers on October 25, 2009 at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

I'll be honest, I didn't even know former Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson played football anymore.

Apparently he does, because the Miami Dolphins just signed him, according to The New York Times.

I can only imagine what is going through the heads of Dolphins fans right now.

The Fins jettisoned Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams to far off places and replaced the duo with rookie Daniel Thomas, the oft-injured Reggie Bush and now Larry Johnson, a man who has a dysfunctional history.

Of course, a long, long time ago, Larry Johnson was also the league’s most dominating back for a brief period of time.

Those were the salad days, back in 2005-2006 when the X-Men were making their last stand, Mel Gibson made it cool to hate again and a young Larry Johnson was replacing a injured Priest Holmes in Kansas City.

He would go on to produce back-to-back seasons of 1,700-plus rushing yards.

He was the talk of the fantasy world, sitting first in everyone’s 2007 mock drafts.

However, Johnson’s career disappeared faster than the porn on my computer when my wife walks in. He has totaled just 1,639 rushing yards over the last four years.

Hell, he only gained two yards on five carries for the Redskins last year, a team coached by Mike Shanahan. My grandmother could pull off 700 yards in a Mike Shanahan offense.

If Johnson couldn’t produce with "the king of random 1,000 yard rushers," what chance does he have in South Beach?

Of course, in South Beach, besides football, you got a lot of night clubs and some beautiful sandy beaches, which, of course, brings out the ladies. Problem is, Larry Johnson doesn’t mix well with the opposite sex.

According to the Palm Beach Post, since 2003, Johnson has been arrested for assaulting a girlfriend/woman four times (waving a gun at girlfriend in 2003, pushing a woman in 2005, a nightclub pushing in 2008 and finally spitting on a woman later that year).

Enjoy, Miami. Enjoy.

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