Bill Belichick Is No Vince Lombardi

The indomitable New England Patriots (18-0) will play the upstart New York Giants (13-6) next week at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona. Whether or not the Patriots triumph over Gotham’s Big Blue, they are deserving of their dynasty label.

The Patriots are simply one of the most overwhelming teams in the annals of North American professional sports.

Resulting from New England’s decade-long run of dominance, some pundits have hailed their “HC,” Bill Belichick, 55, as the best coach to ever stroll an NFL sideline and others have had the audacity to infer that the Vince Lombardi Trophy should be re-named after the Patriots nefarious cheater.

Such a ludicrous and unfounded assertion is shire tomfoolery. The loveable Belichick, who makes Dick Cheney seem warm and bubbly, is a good coach who has reached an unjustifiably mythic status by riding the coattails of his iconic quarterback for the ages, Tom Brady.

While coaching in Cleveland and without Brady, Belichick led the Browns to a paltry record of 36-44 before being terminated after five miserable seasons. The grand majority of Clevelanders understandably rejoiced when the philandering fashion plate met his professional maker.

Belichick chapped the asses of players, fans, and the media alike and his coaching “skills” were proven to be subpar while he alienated the bulk of the Cleveland region.

In his first year as the head coach of New England, Belichick once again exhibited his anemic guidance en route to “leading” the Patsies to an intimidating record of 5-11. In 2001, the Patriots began the season with a mark of 0-2 before the New York Jets and their linebacker, Mo Lewis, changed the course of history for the Patriots and the overrated Belichick.

After being flushed from the pocket, starting quarterback Drew Bledsoe, 35, ran upright to the sideline before being lambasted by Lewis. The vicious hit by Lewis caused moderate internal bleeding in Bledsoe and it opened the door for Brady to take control as New England’s signal caller.

Prior to being blessed with Brady, Belichick had a combined (Cleveland and New England) Hall of Fame record of 41-57. Since stumbling upon the rare pot of gold that is Brady, the man who perpetuated “Spygate” has gone 86-24. I like coincidences as much as I enjoy jock-itch and I refuse to believe that those numbers don’t expose Belichick for the mediocre gump that he is.

I fully realize that I reek of anti-New England bias. For me, cheering for Belichick and the Pats is akin to rooting for the reemergence of polio. But, how can anyone genuinely claim that Belichick is a better coach than either Bill Parcells or Joe Gibbs?

Parcells captured two Superbowl championships with two separate quarterbacks and he won at all four coaching stops that he made. Gibbs won three Superbowls in Washington with three different Redskin signal-callers. That puts Belichick, at best, as the third most decorated coach that I’ve seen in the NFL since I began watching the sport in 1987.

So, please, New Englanders put down your Samuel Adams and take in a dose of reality. Green Bay Packers fans, take solace. The championship trophy will always be named after the truly special Lombardi.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.