Here Comes The Pain!: Gus Johnson Beats Up Doctor

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Here Comes The Pain!: Gus Johnson Beats Up Doctor

Gus Johnson was right. The pain was coming. 

Wednesday in his hometown of Detroit, Johnson was told by his physician that he could stand to lose a little weight. 

This did not sit well with the CBS commentator. 

"Quite frankly, I was a little taken aback that he had told me something...SO DIRECTLY!!!" Said Johnson, as several surrounding reporters suddenly lost their hearing. "I told him the pain was coming. And ooooooh, was it ever."

Johnson proceeded to pummel the doctor, inflicting several facial wounds, including fractures of both orbital bones. 

The doctor, Dr. James Billups, of Detroit, had no comment on the altercation, as he was out cold in his hospital bed. 

His wife, Cory, however, spoke on his behalf. 

"James is doing OK as of right now, but the doctors say he'll be 'severely limited' in his doctoral duties for the next few weeks as his broken face and injured ear drums heal," she said. 

CBS News and Sports President, Sean McManus, was quite clear with how he felt about Johnson and his actions.

"Quite frankly, we can't afford to suspend Gus, because he's in such high demand right now," said McManus, searching Google for new last names. "His exciting and highly-unconventional style has really attracted the average fan and drawn them to tune in, so we appreciate what he's done for us."

Some blame Johnson's recent EliteXC Mixed Martial Arts commentary duty has reflected on his behavior outside the broadcast booth.

"He's been especially hard on the kids since he took the Martial Arts job", said his wife, with two black eyes. "He keeps calling our daughter Kimbo, and then keeps trying to get her to beat up our infant like she's in a street fight while yelling at her uncontrollably. It's bizarre. He usually only did this with our pets before."

It is unknown at this time whether or not Billups will press charges, but it is likely that he will, given the serious nature of his injuries, and how obvious it is that it was Johnson that did indeed bring the pain. 

"Yeah, once he was clearly unconscious, I decided to write 'I'LL SHOW YOU OVERWEIGHT' and 'HOW DOES THE PAIN FEEL? NOW THAT IT HAS COME!' on his forehead in black Sharpie. He really got my blood pumping," said a subdued Johnson. 

In an unrelated note, Johnson has been promoted to call the game between the Baltimore Ravens and New York Giants this Sunday from the Meadowlands. 

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