Well, I buckled again. I brought back another series: the crystal ball. I found the magic device while cleaning out my closet (it was under some shoes and an old SmackDown Hotel t-shirt). So I decided to use it to see what's next with CM Punk, Triple H, Vince, and the rest of the gang, Here are the predictions!
What is all this talk of conspiracies and Little Jimmy? Well, as we all know, R-Truth has been talking a lot about this conspiracy to keep him down. The crystal ball agrees. But who is behind it? Is it Triple H? Johnny Ace? Pacman Jones? NO!
The conspiracy is being run by John Morrison and Melina. Look at the facts: Morrison steals Truth's spot at Extreme Rules, Morrison leaves and Truth goes back to the mid-card, Melina leaves and it gets worse, Morrison comes back and Truth gets beat down.
There is also evidence (most of which I made up) that suggests that Morrison and Melina were indeed using high-tech supersonic sound waves to make Truth think he was hearing voices, thus appearing crazy.
How will this play out? R-Truth will have to play this out Jericho style. He is going to have to head to Washington D.C. (hopefully he won't get it confused with Baltimore). Perhaps, he will find a nice lady on the sidewalk as well.
Expect this to be resolved at Hell in a Cell, when Truth destroys Morrison in the first ever Heck in an Asylum match. What is that? It's basically a Kennel from Hell match, except they are in straight jackets and dogs won't be humping. It's gonna be awesome!
Ryder's role on SmackDown has been somewhat disappointing after his first week. He has basically appeared in one segment per week, annoys Teddy Long, and that's the end of it. Are you serious, bro?
According to the crystal ball, no, bro is not serious! Long will soon be suspended due to his inappropriate behavior with that weird Aksana chick. Who will take over? None other than Zack Ryder!
Ryder will then book things in his favor in order to become no only the Internet champion, but also the Intercontinental Champion. Sorry C,ody (and RM).
Cody will be going for the World Heavyweight Championship and Zack will dominate and bring respect back to the IC title. WWWYKI!
CM Punk vs. Big Daddy Cool
This may be the biggest story in WWE? So many questions that need answered? Why did Nash assault Punk? Who texted him? What did Stephanie do to Cena in his locker room at SummerSlam? Well the crystal ball has the answers.
First off, Nash assaulted Punk because he is a big meanie! No real motive, other than he needs to be in the spotlight. Stephanie didn't do anything to Cena. According to the crystal ball, Cena said that wouldn't be good for business to knock up his boss' wife.
As for the text....drum roll...IT WAS ME! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG! EVEN MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY BOUGHT IT! (Shout out to Attitude Era fans.)
This is how the crystal ball sees this playing out: Kevin Nash and Punk have a war of words. Triple H will deny involvement, but later admit it, similar to the Higher Power as referenced above.
After this, WWE Creative (Stephanie) drops the ball and it all goes to hell by Survivor Series. Following this, we all die a little inside.
John Cena is going for the title still? No one cares anymore! Moving on...
World Heavyweight Championship
Mark Henry (the guy who once made love to Mae Young) is going for the World Title? No one cares. Moving on...
The Crystal Ball
What is the future of the crystal ball? At the risk of making the universe explode, the crystal ball will now predict its own future. Is it back to the closet? Yard Sale/Craigslist? Sell it to the Smithsonian or WWE? Nah, I'll think I'll toss it back in the closet, until next time.
Thanks for reading! Please feel free to add your comments and predictions below. Thanks again!