WAGs, hot fans and cheerleaders.
With the Preseason in full swing, it's high time we celebrate some of the sexiest supporters of all 32 NFL teams, a task I was more than happy to undertake.
Full disclosure: Since six teams—the Bears, Browns, Giants, Lions, Packers and Steelers—inexplicably don't have cheerleader squads, I've picked two categories for each NFL team since I couldn't do all three for the entire league.
Let's do this.
I call this picture, "An Excellent Way to Start Any Slideshow."
It's a working title.
With most of the talk in the NFC centering on the "Dream Team" in Philadelphia and the defending champion Packers getting a whole slew of players healthy, I think my pick to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl is the Falcons.
Which hurts, because I'm an Eagles fan. But I must remain (mostly) unbiased in my prognosticating.
To me, the Falcons don't have many holes on either side of the ball and should be hungry after being humbled by the Packers in the playoffs last year.
Matty Ice has a number of weapons at his disposal, and an already solid defense was bolstered by the addition of defensive end Ray Edwards.
Photo from AtlantaFalcons.com
Things I know about Baltimore: Crab cakes are good, The Wire was the best show ever created (and it's not close), and Cal Ripken, Jr. was a stud.
Oh, and this girl is hot.
There you have it.
Will Joe Flacco finally take the next step and become a premier quarterback? Will Ray Rice be a more consistent fantasy producer this season? How long can the (aging) defensive core of the Ravens keep the team relevant?
While you ponder these questions, do enjoy this picture of the lovely Alyssa.
Photo from BaltimoreRavens.com
Here we have a beautiful damsel in distress.
And trust me, if you are a Bills fan you are often in distress.
Buffalo may get blustery and cold in the winter, but the Buffalo Jills cheering squad is one way for the locals to stay warm.
Photo from BuffaloJills.net
All of this and more could be yours, Cam Newton, if you can live up to expectations and become the face of the Panthers' franchise.
Is anyone else annoyed that the Panthers will return both DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart?
It really sucks for fantasy football predicting, let me tell you.
I'm sure that Brian Urlacher has his pick of the beautiful ladies in Chicago, as demonstrated here.
Because Brian Urlacher is diesel.
And don't you forget it.
I know that her and Cutler broke their engagement off, but consider this a farewell to Cavallari, another hot WAG lost.
(Tim is now seen pouring some of his forty on the ground. Actually, that's a lie—he's in a coffee shop, and is nervously looking around to see if anyone noticed that he accidentally spilled some coffee.)
This is as sexy as the Bengals could possibly be.
As Carson Palmer can attest to, it generally is not always Sunny in Cincinnati.
This slide is Sunny side up, however.
I guess model Natalie Marie is a Browns fan.
And if not, I'm guessing males in Cleveland are wishing she was.
With a name like Colt McCoy, you know he's a football player.
And with a gorgeous wife like Glandorf, you know he's a quarterback.
I can live with that.
You can accuse Tony Romo of a lot of things—being less than clutch, lacking leadership skills or failing to take the next step into elite status.
(For the record, I think we are all a little hard on Romo, who I think is a pretty damn good quarterback. And I'm an Eagles fan!)
One thing you can't accuse Romo of is lacking game with the ladies, as witnessed by his gorgeous fiancee, Candice Crawford.
Somebody just told her that Tim Tebow would someday be a star quarterback for the Broncos.
This was her reaction.
Somebody just told her that she should be happy with a game-manager like Kyle Orton at quarterback.
And she was like, "Then what the hell will I cheer for?"
Or something like that.
The Lions may not make the playoffs in a stacked NFC this year, but I think they are one of the most promising young teams in the NFL.
She seems to think so as well.
Of course, the Lions' success hinges on whether or not quarterback Matthew Stafford can stay healthy.
Are you paying attention right now?
Nope, there's a WAG on the screen. Moving along.
Much like the team they support, many Packers fans are champions in my book.
Namely this fan.
Okay, I'm really only talking about this fan—I know you agree.
If this is the WAG of a backup quarterback—in this case, Matt Flynn—imagine how great life must be for the starters?
Damn you, Aaron Rodgers!
Can the Texans finally break through and become a playoff team this season? Will defensive additions such as Johnathan Joseph and Danieal Manning heal a horrendous secondary?
What's that? I'm distracting you with all of my "football talk?"
When it comes to cheerleaders, Texas really is a magical place, don't you think?
Photo from HoustonTexans.com
I think Colts fans would be happy if this hottie was Peyton Manning's replacement while he gets healthy during the preseason.
Just a guess.
Then again, if Peyton Manning isn't able to return to form, all Colts' fans will have to cheer about is cheerleaders like LeAndra.
You aren't fooling anyone, Curtis Painter.
Photo from Colts.com
I don't think she's smiling about the play of quarterback David Garrard, that's for sure.
We throw another fan down for the Jaguars, just to prove that there are actual, tangible fans that root for this team, and the era of the blackout is no more in Jacksonville.
With hotties like this, I'd show up for the games too.
She'll take the shirt all the way off if Jamaal Charles gets the bulk of the carries this year.
Don't mess this up for us, Todd Haley!
(All fantasies on this slide were completely fabricated by author Timothy Rapp.)
We'll forgive her for the outdated Zach Thomas jersey.
To be fair, we'd probably forgive her for a whole lot more than that.
Reggie Bush went from Kim Kardashian to this Old Navy Kardashian look-a-like.
Don't you wish you were a football player?
At least she isn't wearing a McNabb jersey.
Are you sure that's who you wanted?
Photo from Vikings.com
If this sexy fan was the center, I think I would forget the snap count on more than one occasion.
The crazy thing is, between the salaries Gisele and Tom Brady earn, they could probably buy about 453,412 of those cars.
All numbers have been approximated for jealousy purposes.
Methinks this lovely lady won't be missing Reggie Bush too much when she sees the production of Pierre Thomas and Mark Ingram.
Then again, given Bush's popularity with the ladies, perhaps she will miss his production.
I'm a huge Drew Brees fan, so the success he's had in New Orleans (along with all he has done for the city) has been wonderful to see.
I'm also a Brittany Brees fan, but that's a topic for another day.
You're a nice quarterback, Eli, but you don't crack the elusive "elite" club.
You fall into the Matt Schaub, Matt Ryan, Tony Romo and Josh Freeman tier in my opinion, Eli.
But nice try.
But if it's any consolation, your wife is beautiful, Eli.
So there's that.
Okay, so she most definitely isn't a fan of the Jets in any capacity at this point.
But she's so hot, I couldn't resist putting her on here.
Can you blame me?
From the New York Post comes this tidbit:
The actress has been linked to Gang Green teammates Mark Sanchez and Scotty McKnight.
And this list is better for it.
And here's one more addition to the "Dream Team."
There has never been a long-snapper WAG this hot.
Well played, Jon Dorenbos.
I'm not going to even bother writing something here.
From Sports Illustrated:
Unlike fellow blonde thespian Cameron Diaz, who played the owner of the fictional Miami Sharks in Oliver Stone's Any Given Sunday, Gwyneth Paltrow hasn't done a pigskin flick yet, but don't think the 29-year-old Oscar winner isn't a fan of the game. Paltrow's father, Bruce Paltrow, creator of the 1970s basketball television show The White Shadow, reports that his daughter is a regular Gridiron Gwyneth. "She's a big Pittsburgh Steelers fan," he says. "I was a Steelers fan when she was a baby, and we used to watch the Steelers all the time. She's become a real proponent of defensive football."
I much prefer her to this type of Raiders fan.
Just my opinion.
Things I love about this picture: Misa Campo and the powder-blue Chargers jersey.
I don't know if Campo is a fan of the Chargers, and, frankly, I don't give a damn, because I am a huge fan of this picture.
Between the gorgeous Misa Campo and the most lovely member of the Chargers' cheerleader squad, Jennifer, I hereby decree that the Chargers are the hottest team on this slideshow.
Photo from UltimateCheerleaders.com
The only other thing I'd rather watch than this hottie do, well, just about anything?
Patrick Willis playing linebacker—talk about beast mode!
Alex Smith may never live up to expectations, but his beautiful wife Elizabeth certainly exceeds them.
One out of two isn't bad.
And Pete Carroll goes to hell.
Well, at least if you ask USC fans...
Enjoy the picture, Seahawks fan.
Photo from Seahawks.com
The NFC West is ripe for the taking, Rams.
If Sam Bradford had top-notch receivers, I think he would be a star this year.
As it were, I think he'll have an excellent campaign.
The star power will come in time.
As they say, all that matters to a pirate—or in this case, a Buccaneer—is booty.
So we can check that off the list.
Shiver me timbers!
Are you also hypnotized by her eyes?
She won't be smiling if Chris Johnson doesn't end his lockout soon, that's for sure.
I've never dreamed of being an NFL kicker until this moment.