Philadelphia Eagles: It Truly Is Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Corey NachmanContributor IISeptember 15, 2011

Philadelphia Eagles: It Truly Is Always Sunny in Philadelphia

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    It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia's title is complicated.

    In one way, it's a mighty heavy misnomer. The show centers around five of the least tactful human beings to have ever lived in Philadelphia, and that includes at least half of the delegates to the Continental Congress. 

    On the flip side, there are few shows more whimsical than Sunny. Maybe it's the Kiessling compositions that take place during the intro and some of the scene transitions, but it probably has more to do with the way every episode turns into an adventure. Sure, a lot of shows have followed the adventure model, but a typical 23 minute block of Sunny has a trajectory not unlike a children's type adventure show. When a problem arises, even when that problem was all their own fault (and it usually is), the gang will try and solve it the only way they know children.

    We're talking about a bunch of people who tried to solve the "gas crisis" by buying gas from gas stations at normal prices, storing it in barrels, and selling it door-to-door at twice the cost. That's problem solving at the most remedial of levels. I tried asking my parents if I could do the same thing when I was seven, but they wouldn't give me the keys or their wallet. Disciplinarians they were!

    Speaking of children, the Philadelphia Eagles fans of the world are as happy as a bunch of first graders taking a tour of the Ben and Jerry's factory. As they should be. The Eagles are a popular Super Bowl pick after the organization made several free agency splashes that no kiddie pool could contain.

    Not only that, the group of characters on this Eagles squad would make for a pretty darn good television show. 

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System of Comparison

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    Sunny and the Philadelphia Eagles have more in common than sharing a hometown. Both entities have underachieved in the hardware department (no Emmys for Sunny, last NFL Championship for the Eagles came 51 years ago).

    Also, the Eagles roster is filled with larger than life personalities just like the TV show. Now that Mac is fat, both entities have larger than life people too.

    For this column, I picked the most important players on the Eagles and compared them to the most important characters from Sunny.

    Some of the comparisons are more obvious than others, and some of them are going to make you think.  

    Sadly, I couldn't come up with a good comparison for Rickety Cricket. That guy is on his own.

DeSean Jackson Is Charlie Kelly

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    DeSean Jackson is the epitome of a “WILDCARD!” How else do you explain a guy who only had 47 catches and yet still had 1,056 yards?

    It runs deeper than that. You truly never know what to expect of either Charlie or DeSean. I feel confident in saying that DeSean will never cut the brakes on his team bus just for the sake of doing it, but I cannot say with certainty that he’ll never drop a football at the goal line because he wanted to have himself a little touchdown dance.

    There was reason to be worried about DeSean Jackson’s hold out during what little training camp we had this year. He pretty much had a legitimate beef. He had roughly the same out of production as a top-level receiver, but he was making very little money.

    But in true wild card fashion, DeSean showed up and we haven’t heard about his contract since. Maybe he’ll bring it back up during Week 11. Maybe he’ll take a pay cut. Or, maybe he’ll quit football altogether to try and break Usain Bolt’s 100 meter record or open an old timey ice cream parlor in Brooklyn.

    There’s no way we can ever know.

Jason Babin Is Mac

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    Mac has tribal tattoos. Jason Babin has tribal tattoos. They also both have facial hair, “sweet” butt-kicking moves, and now, both are 260 pounds.

    Jason Babin was a quiet signing reported during the Eagles spending spree, but it was a big one. His two sacks in Week 1 should be taken as a sign of things to come, just like Mac’s 50 pounds of additional weight are an omen for impending hilarity.

    It’s safe to assume Mac is much more of a miscreant than Sir Babin; this comparison is sorely based on appearances. And “sweet” karate-esque moves.

    Babin is a Republican according to Wikipedia, and Mac is the most conservative member of the gang. One more interesting tidbit: Babin played in the MAC conference as he played his college ball at Western Michigan. 

Asante Samuel Is Dennis Reynolds

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    Dennis Reynolds is a selfish narcissist that gets by with his good looks…that is until he messes up a situation royally.

    As a Patriots fan, I’ve never forgiven Asante Samuel for dropping that interception that would have ended the Giants final drive, stopped the “Helmet Catch” from happening and prevented Big Blue from hoisting up the Lombardi trophy. Thank goodness that Super Bowl was cancelled and stricken from the record books.

    While, Asante Samuel is nowhere near the jerk Dennis is (as far as we can ascertain), he is a man who is into his appearance and has swagger. His ball hawking tendencies can get him into trouble, but at least he isn't a Rick Astley fan. 

Nnamdi Asomugha Is "The Waitress"

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    Admittedly, this one is a bit of stretch. I hope you’ve been doing your pilates. Your Aunt Sandra bought you those free lessons so you better be going, Earl!

    Sorry for yelling, Earl.

    Very few can spell Nnamdi Asomugha’s name without looking it up once, whereas no one even knows The Waitress’ name.

    Both of these people go for weeks on end without even being thought about. The Waitress is the perfect “Oh yeah! I totally forgot she was on the show” type character. Asomugha never gets the ball thrown to his side of the field, so it’s almost like he doesn’t even exist (the same can be said for the receiver he’s covering).

    The actress who plays The Waitress has a real name: Mary Elizabeth Ellis. She hails from the town of Laurel, Mississippi. Nnamdi Asomugha doesn’t. He’s from Louisiana, though, and that's pretty darn close! 

Moise Fokou, Casey Matthews and Jamar Chaney Are the McPoyle's

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    The McPoyle siblings are weird enigmas. The starting linebackers for the Eagles are probably not close to their level of weird, but they are also mysterious.

    The Eagles’ defensive line and the secondary are both more than solid. Having multiple pro-bowlers in any grouping is always a good thing unless it’s in Vegas. In that case it’s awesome.

    Philadelphia’s linebackers are less of a sure thing. Casey Matthews is a rookie with a fantastic pedigree. Jamar Chaney is in his sophomore season, and can become dominant for stretches of time, but he is inconsistent. This is Moise Fokou's third season of his career, and he's yet to become considered an above average linebacker. There's still time for that, though.

    If the Eagles linebackers put away milk like the McPoyle's do, then this supposed weak part of the defense will come together fine.

    Just leave the bathrobes at home, boys.  

Andy Reid Is Frank Reynolds

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    Both are pudgy, can't control their kids, and are successful despite their obvious shortcomings: Reid can't control the clock and Reynolds is crazy. And short. Need I say more? 

Michael Vick Is Sweet Dee Reynolds

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    The biggest comparison to make between Dee and Vick is that they both don’t receive a lot of adulation despite having the skills and attributes most necessary to their respective teams' success.  

    In a sane world, Dee would be the leader of “the Gang.” Her take on the situations that directly affect “the Gang” are consistently the most enveloping and intelligent ones. She routinely provides the least morally reprehensible method of problem solving, even though she can be a pretty terrible person in her own right. If she weren’t around, her team would be dead in the water.

    Mac and Dennis constantly discount her womanly opinions, call her ugly, a bird and remind her of the large braces she wore in her youth due to scoliosis. She is reminded of her painful past and is harbored in an underrated position because of who she is.

    Michael Vick did something a while ago that angered a lot of people, but I don't remember what it was.

    Whatever happened though has left Michael Vick short of being considered a game changing quarterback at the level of a Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers or Drew Brees. His style is obviously way different than those signal callers which is also a contributor to his slightly diminished status, but a team that starts Michael Vick should usually be expected to win.