I love sports as much as the next guy, maybe to a fault. I love going to baseball and basketball games, and I have dabbled in other sports as well.
But as much as the game experience is great, there is something be said for trading in the billion-dollar stadiums for your $50 futon.
We love live sports, and it is a treat to get to go to games. After reading this, though, you may never want to take that long trip to the stadium again. These 10 reasons to watch the game at home are well thought out and probably an excuse that all of us have used at one point or another.
The home experience has become arguably better than the ballpark over the last five to 10 years, and this is why.
Here are the 10 best reasons to watch the game from home.
Sofas and chairs used for watching sporting events are like TVs. You know you will be spending the next 20 years' worth of Sundays on them, so splurge for a nice La-Z-Boy recliner and get comfortable.
At the ballgame, you're sitting next to the guy who is so fat that he can put peacefully rest his food on his stomach and spreads his legs out like he owns the place.
A lot of these stadiums were built for Americans when we were in shape; now they are small and uncomfortable. Sit back, relax, recline and enjoy the game.
Don’t you love that beautiful smell you get when you first enter the men’s room of your favorite stadium? It is that mixture of sweat, urine and man that just resonates.
Then you have the lines, which do even develop for the men’s bathroom during halftime.
To top it all off, when you step up to the plate, you are given no splash guards on the side, and you have to stare straight ahead like you are looking into the sun. You don’t want to be stuck next to the guy who is making conversation or has straying eyes.
Moral of the story: Stay home and use your toilet with all of its cleanliness and beauty.
“Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don’t care if I never get back” was immortalized in baseball song history. But if you buy peanuts and Cracker Jack at a game nowadays, you won't actually be able to get back, because you won’t be able to pay the tolls.
Besides the fact that the food is generally bad, a $7 hot dog or a $10 beer just doesn’t do it for me. With that kind of money, you can buy a pack of hot dogs and a case of really cheap beer.
If you stay home, you get to grab a quick snack without waiting in line or giving the deed to your house.
You don’t need to get in a three-piece suit to go to a ball game, but you SHOULD look somewhat presentable; you are still in public.
At home, you can sit on the couch in your Costco brand sweatpants (which are incredibly comfortable) and an old lucky t-shirt.
Or you can still get dressed up head to toe in your favorite team’s gear.
The point is, you have the choice, and in life, it’s nice to be able to choose.
The only thing worse than your team losing the big game is getting in the car for an hour and a half and driving home. For whatever reason, stadiums have never been built to deal with a lot of cars (the logic escapes me), and there will most probably be traffic.
In my small apartment, I have about a 10-yard commute from my room to the television on game days. Unless you are going to a bar that serves you free drinks or are meeting up with a hot girl (who better know what’s going on in the game), then the best use of your time is staying in.
There is always some idiot who gets hammered on Milwaukee’s Best Light and tries to start a fight with a fan in the opposing team’s t-shirt.
The fight usually takes place in the bleachers and revolves around someone saying his team sucks. Think of Randy March from South Park.
He is usually screaming obscenities at the coaches or ragging on the 12th guy at the end of the bench. I have a feeling that a drunken guy had something to do with the Malice at the Palace.
I was given the chance to go to a 2009 December New York Jets game at 0 degrees with a minus-10 wind chill. I begged my mother to let me go to no avail. I was told it would be so cold that I was bribed into not going.
The bribe was a viewing party with my friends and beer and pizza.
While true fans will sit there in the rain, sleet and snow and claim that they are better for going to bad-weather games, those of us who are sane enjoy catching those people with their shirts off getting frostbite.
To top it all off, there is nothing worse than sitting through a rain delay in baseball or tennis. Some sports play through the rough weather, but for most, you are sitting in the concourse, waiting for Mother Nature to stop being such a pain in the ass.
DVR and TiVo were game-changers. If you have had to pause the television for a minute because your wife, girlfriend, mother or unmanly friend was chewing your ear out, then you know what I mean.
With the magical power of pause, rewind and fast-forward, you control what highlights you see and how often you see them; it is one of God's many gifts to the world.
At the game, you are at the mercy of the big screen, which only shows you pro-home team replays. It may seem trivial, but that is just for the people who have never experienced the greatness.
If you don’t have a wide screen, high definition, plasma screen television, then you are a loser.
OK, maybe that was harsh, but the way that TVs are built these days, most people have a very nice entertainment center that makes the viewing experience incredibly enjoyable.
A surround-sound bunker where men can go and watch the games is now the norm. I, for one, take pride in the fact that my “media center” at home has up to 12 different functions.
The television is the key to the whole staying at home experience, so get a good one.
The price of admission has gone through the roof. If you want bad seats, you can still pay $5, but you also better bring a tissue for your nosebleed. Good seats will run you a week's salary, which just doesn’t seem worth it in the end.
I love going to games, and the experience at times cannot be beat, but I can understand why the working man doesn’t want to shell out $60 to go see the Milwaukee Bucks on a random Tuesday night.
The team is probably going to lose, and the players are definitely not going to give their best effort. The season is long, and it is fairly obvious when players are not trying hard.