No More Excuses, WWE: John Cena Truly Stinks

L.J.Contributor IIAugust 17, 2011

No More Excuses, WWE: John Cena Truly Stinks

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    Now before you start bashing me with "Cena-hater" comments, let me start by saying this: Cena was my favorite wrestler for years, but too much of something is never good. In the WWE (World Wrestling ENTERTAINMENT), where, obviously, "entertainment matters," John Cena doesn't entertain anybody that's not 10 years old or female. I'm tired of making excuses. I'm tired of blaming WWE creative. John Cena sucks, and here's why.

The Majority of His Promos Suck

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    With the exception of his recent work with CM Punk, the majority of his promos suck. They usually go like this:

    Cena: "I'm tired of you parading around like Jiminy Cricket, like you're the best in the WWE—I am."

    (Kids laugh.)

    Heel: (Makes snappy comeback.)

    Cena: "I've worked my butt off to get here today. I put my blood, sweat and tears into this business and these fans deserve better."

    (Women and kids cheer.)

    Heel: (Makes fun of Cena's credibility.)

    Cena: "I love these fans. I live by hustle, loyalty and respect. I'll never give up. Blah, Blah, Blah."

    Heel: (Makes fun of Cena.)

    Cena: "I'm done talking; I came to fight. (Throws off hat, then takes off shirt. Women cheer as he runs towards the ring.)

    Heel: (Runs out of the ring.)

    Cena: (Runs chest-first into the ropes and whiffs his arms towards the heel that is already out of the ring.)

    (Cue Cena's music)

    That is the MOST predictable exchange I have ever seen, and it happens every week. If this entertains you, you really need to get out more.

Facts About Cena...

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    • The fact his finisher is called "The Attitude Adjuster."
    • The fact in his last match against Rey Mysterio he didn't throw a single punch. I don't what WWE creative was thinking with that.
    • The fact Cena won't put younger superstars over.
    • The fact Cena's intro of his theme music is actually stolen.
    • The fact his jokes are NOT funny.
    • The fact that all he does is say how great the fans are and that he never quits.
    • And the fact he only has (now) nine moves... 

Hustle...

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    Biggest kiss-up in the WWE...enough said.

Loyalty...

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    He's a Boston Native...

     

     

    Well, so much for loyalty...

Respect...

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    Yeah, he sure is the prime example of respect...

He Can't Wrestle

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    He actually agrees...

Conclusion...

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    I leave you with a treat...

    Anything I'm missing? Please feel free to add to the argument!

     

    (this is for comedic entertainment purposes only, so stop it with the nasty comments....not cool you guys.) Thanks for Reading!