Gisele vs. Irina Shayk: The Battle of the WAGS
There is not a doubt in my mind that Tom Brady, now that he is married to Gisele, is the luckiest man alive. Or is he?
I began to think about it. Is Tom Brady truly the luckiest man alive? Or is he just the luckiest man alive in the United States.
What about Cristiano Ronaldo? People always seem to forget that he landed one of the sexiest females alive too. Besides that, he plays soccer and we all know the most popular sport in the entire world is not the American form of football, it is soccer, or association football.
So that brings me to this, who would win in a fight for ultimate stardom in the WAG world? Gisele or Irina Shayk?
In a world that forces us to judge these people, how would you rank them against each other?
I am here to judge, rate, and down right exploit the two beauties. If they let me.
Magazine Cover: Gisele
When Gisele poses for magazine covers like this, it makes it harder for anyone to choose someone else for the title of hottest magazine cover model.
Magazine Cover: Irina Shayk
Being on the cover of Sports Illustrated never hurts.
When Irina Shayk was given the opportunity to pose on the cover, she must have known it would come down to a competition against Gisele to determine exactly how hot she really was.
This was an easy choice for me.
For starters, by sheer volume, Gisele is the winner. She has been on more magazine covers than almost all the other WAGs in the world combined. She also knows how to wash a vehicle.
And even if she did not, she would still win this one by a landslide.
Bikini Body: Gisele
And who said lingerie models could not do bikinis without people being able to differentiate between the two articles of clothing.
Gisele makes it look easy. She also makes me want to go swimming. Any takers?
Bikini Body: Irina Shayk
No longer do I care to take a woman to the beach unless they look like the example here.
Is it wrong to think that way? Sure.
Does it matter to me? Not really.
All that love being sent Irina Shayk's way could not overcome the lead of Gisele. She is just too damn hot in a bikini.
And yes, she reminds me of when she is wearing lingerie. That makes me happy all day long.
I still get confused on why anyone decided to give Tom Brady all the luck in the world. I seriously do not understand it.
Tom Brady is #winning so much, it makes Charlie Sheen tweet about how much #losing he is doing compared to Brady.
Dress: Irina Shayk
If you had to guess, then yes, the answer is yes I would.
I would certainly invite Irina to a lovely dinner party at my office. No bras required.
Winner: Irina Shayk
Wow is the only word that can describe this dress on Irina.
Of course she won this round, look at her. She is amazingly amazing. Screw the English language, I can fix the wordage later. Right now, we watch.
More Awesome Better Half: Gisele
Where is Moses when you need him?
So Tom Brady's Wikipedia page reads like the United States following the American Revolution. #winning again.
He has three Super Bowl rings, two Super Bowl MVP's, six Pro Bowl invites, 34,744 passing yards, 261 passing touchdowns, etc...
That is impressive for even Gisele's standards.
More Awesome Better Half: Irina Shayk
Irina Shayk is hot but her boy toy might just be hotter. No homo.
Cristiano Ronaldo was recruited and signed to played soccer at the age of ten. I repeat, he signed a contract at ten years old. He has over 200 career goals and that does not include the 27 international goals he has from playing for Portugal. He has also won just about every award handed out in the leagues he's played in.
Winner: Irina Shayk
Sorry Tom Brady but for this one, Cristiano Ronaldo is winning more.
If you don't believe me, just go ask Charlie Sheen. He will agree with my decision.
Is there even chance that anyone could dethrone Gisele as the sexier female in lingerie?
Is that even possible? According to my own buddy, Gisele is the most popular lingerie model of all time. And this is coming from a guy who has her life size poster in his house so I think its an unbiased opinion.
Lingerie: Irina Shayk
Now hold on a second. There might be hope for Irina Shayk in the lingerie competition after all.
I had no idea she had a body of a Greek Goddess. It is like looking at a painting. Her beauty reminds me of a simpler time when gas was only a few bucks a gallon and iPods were only used to play music.
This decision came after much deliberation with the judges (Me).
I was compelled to give it to Gisele for one main reason: If she lost this part of the contest, Victoria's Secret would have to ask for her wings back. And that is just plain rude.
Better Dumps: Gisele
The best contest of the competition is right now.
The backside of Gisele rivals that of Kim Kardashian. She might not have a bottom as round as Kim's but she can surely hang with the best of them.
Better Dumps: Irina Shayk
I continue to be amazed by Irina Shayk. Where in the world did she come from?
As we stare into the glorious bottom of Ms Shayk, one thing comes to mind...Cristiano Ronaldo now has a place to put his drink.
Winner: Irina Shayk
I just could not help myself with this one.
Irina Shayk has the most perfect rear end that I can recall. It is smooth, round, and luscious. It should have a contest of its own but we are here for other reasons.
The word you were looking for was, amazing!
If you are a six foot tall gorgeous blond model one thing is definitely true, you have a pair of leg that make most men cry.
Gisele's legs are amazing to say the least. They are long, lean and sexy. They find a way into your head and will never get out. Trust me, you will be seeing those legs for years to come.
Legs: Irina Shayk
Am I the only person falling in love today?
The more we talk about Irina Shayk, the less likely I am to go back home to my girlfriend. I am more likely to head to Europe and get in the same room as her.
I could be Cristiano's bodyguard. Yeah, that could work. It seems like it could not possibly fail.
She has legs and knows how to use them.
I am so glad she has two of them. It is only fair that we get to look at perfection twice in a row.
Best Nudes Winner: Irina Shayk
These two beauties do not make anything easy now, do they?
I had to think about this one for quite some time before making the call. There is just something very special about this lady.
(ED. Note: for obvious reasons we couldn't show these two you ladies' au naturel pics. But feel free to go to google images and have at it.)
Tiebreaker: Best Look Away Pose: Gisele
So here we are, a tie.
Who would have imagined this ending in such a way. Now we need to figure out a way to break this tie and luckily for us, I have already devised such a plan.
The look away pose has been used since 1992 and works for both ladies. But is Gisele the better at looking away from the camera?
Or is it...
Tiebreaker: Best Look Away Pose: Irina Shayk
Maybe it could be both in a backwards universe where only hot women live and all win. That is the land I want to exist in. A place with Giseles and Irinas running rampant.
Grand Champion: Gisele
It is still hard to imagine a world where we get to judge two beautiful women in Gisele and Irina Shayk.
However, a winner must be determined and after much research and debate among my roommate and myself, the winner is...