-Did the Patriots suddenly get better?
-Did the Giants suddenly become worse?
-Does Tom Brady play better with a sore foot?
-Does his friend Gisele ever wear a bra?
These are all questions I ponder as I wait for the four hours and 17 minutes of essential pregame commentary to begin. Will my questions be answered? I hope so. I hope they use visual aids and explain to me, in great detail, how Gisele's assets stay so perky and perfect without a solid foundation. The rest of it they can cover or not, I really don't care.
Actually I do care, but Fox doesn't. It has chosen to turn the biggest football game of the year into a commercial for American Idol. I am not making this up. Granted I 'd like to take credit but as we all know fact is often stranger than fiction.
The network geniuses at Fox have decided, football fans everywhere would like to watch Ryan Seacrest interview celebrities, red-carpet style, as they arrive to the game. They know we are tuning in just to see Paula Abdul sing her new song.
They even believe that we want to see Randy Jackson bellow into the camera "what's up dawg?". They have included ever American Idol induced gimmick, including last year's winner— Jordan Sparks— singing the National Anthem. The only thing they have left out is Simon whistling 'Yankee Doodle Dandy.'
They, in their Aussie owned wisdom, don't believe any Super Bowl fan would want a little background on the teams, you know things like:
-Some statistics on how they play when the pressures is on.
-The Giants and Patriots' all-time records in February games.
-If Tom Brady is truly healthy.
-Footage of Gisele Bundchen in Victoria's Secret red wonder bra and matching thong.
Yes, the truly important stuff. The things hard-core, dyed-in-the-wool, fans want. The stuff we can't live without!
Did I mention it would be nice to have Jessica Simpson mud wrestle Gisele during pregame?
Now that would be a show worth watching!