IMPACT Review 8/11: Jarrett Is Back, Night of Debuts and a New No. 1 Contender

Charlie GSenior Writer IAugust 12, 2011

It's the first episode of IMPACT following Hardcore Justice.

For my Hardcore Justice review, click here. 

Opening Segment

Immortal comes to the ring.

Bully Ray yells at Abyss and tells him that he's gone soft because he keeps losing. Then Bully starts to put over Anderson, calling him a tough S.O.B and whatnot.

Bully wants to shake Anderson's hand but Anderson laughs at him. Bully calls him stupid and Anderson attacks Bully.

Steiner breaks it up then Anderson starts punching Steiner. Now Gunner steps in. You think he'd get the message? Nope!

Anderson attacks Gunner now. Abyss knocks Anderson down with one hit.

Immortal pounces (So soon?) on Anderson. Bully punches him in the face with his chain and Steiner chokes him out with it. Anderson is bleeding a little.

As usual, security comes out and gets beat down and somewhere Murphy is feeling lucky again.

D'Lo Brown, along with the TNA trainers and agents, arrives.

Why does everyone stop fighting at the sight of D'Lo Brown? How come nobody punches D'Lo?

Anderson is taken out on a stretcher.

Match 1: No. 1 Contenders: Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James

It's no secret that Madison is my favorite Knockout. Anyone that has read past articles knows that. So who am I rooting for? You guessed it.

Madison is wearing her blue camo ring attire. She got a hair cut and looks to have dyed her hair black. I prefer her brunette, just saying.

Hardcore Country comes out and it's on!

It's pretty much 90 percent offense by Mickie. She's become the "John Cena" of the Knockouts division.

Mickie knocks Madison down and grabs her crown. Mickie puts it on and takes a bow. At the same time, Madison runs at her in hopes of hitting a clothesline from behind. When Mickie bows, Madison misses.

Madison bounces off the ropes, gets kicked and then gets hit with Mickie's DDT.


Winner: Mickie James

Mickie has been in eight pay-per-views since her debut. Six of those appearances have been for the Knockouts title. She's only missed two pay-per-views. Talk about a push to the moon. 

Match 2: Robbie E w/ Cookie vs. Brian Kendrick

A Double joins the announce team.

Madison didn't need a hair cut but got one. Robbie E is in need of a hair cut, though. Just my thoughts.

Robbie is in control the majority of the match, but he and Cookie aren't getting along together. They're always yelling at each other.

Robbie brings Kendrick towards Cookie who has her hair spray ready. The referee was standing right there, by the way.

Cookie sprays but Kendrick moves and she hits Robbie. Sliced Bread and a three.

Winner: Kendrick

Aries was putting Robbie over on commentary, then mocks Kendrick's code of ethics. He questions why Kendrick would take a win like that in the "spirit of competition."

Robbie is yelling at Cooks.

Later, they're shown yelling in the parking lot. Robbie says he's done with Cookie and walks out. Will Robbie turn face? Or will Cookie start a singles career?

Devon and Pope are getting ready for a BFG Series Tag Team match and the Jarretts have arrived.

Match 3: BFG Series: Pope and Devon vs. Beer Money vs. AJ Styles and RVD

Pope has 17 points, Devon has 30, Storm has 33, Roode has 28, AJ has 21 and RVD has 25.

Just thought I'd give a quick run down in the points category.

Beer Money is the obvious favorite since they've been teaming for over four years. That's just what I'm thinking.

Everything breaks down at the end. All the guys are picking their spots and laying one another out.

Pope grabs Roode (Both are the legal guys) and motions Devon to the top rope. Devon dives down in a shoulder block; Roode moves and Devon hits Pope.

Storm runs in and clotheslines Devon out of the ring. Roode hits Pope with a Pay-Off and wins.

Winners: Beer Money

It was a good, entertaining match. Good for me in the BFG Series League (Updates tomorrow).

Bobby Roode is now in second place after the win with 35 points.

Kurt Angle comes to the ring as the new World Champion.

Kurt says he turned on Sting at Hardcore Justice because of one person: Dixie Carter.

Angle talks about how Karen went behind his back, three years ago, with Jeff Jarrett and Dixie never told him. Now Kurt is mad!

He says as World Champion, he has the power to prevent Dixie from returning. He also wants to hurt every young guy on the roster. I'm not worried since Kurt sometimes offers empty promises.

After some talking, Kurt leaves but Sting is on the ramp behind him. Sting is about to bash Angle's brains out with a bat but Hogan hits Sting with a chair from behind.

Hogan slides Sting into the ring and starts to tickle—oh, punch Sting. Watching Hogan punch Sting is like watching a six-year-old kid, blind folded, attack a pinata. 

They both hit so gingerly and miss a lot.

Angle and Hulk are friends.

Angle is mad about something that happened over three years ago. Get over it, Kurt.

Match 4: ODB and Jackie vs. Tara and Brooke Tessmacher

Finally! Finally, they gave her a first name! Her last name was a pain in the ass to write.

ODB and Jackie are here because they asked Bischoff for a chance and he gave it to them.

It's a pretty good match. ODB and Jackie have to restrain themselves from their dirty tactics if they want a job in IMPACT! Wrestling.

Taz refers to ODB's underwear as bloomers and Tenay makes fun of Taz's outdated vocabulary.

Watch an episode of Jersey Shore or use Urban Dictionary for God's sake. Bloomers? Really? Really Taz?

ODB and Jackie start to beat down Brooke, but then stop because they know it's not cool. The golden rule is to treat others the way you want to be treated or something like that.

Tara destroys ODB with a spear as Jackie stares at ODB's bloomers (not really), which allows Brooke to get a roll-up win.

Winners: Brooke Tessmacher and Tara

Score one for the roll-up.

If I'm a wrestler, the roll-up pin would be my finisher. It never fails.

There's a party in Bischoff's office. OK, there's just a lot of new X Division talent!

I spy with my little eye, Austin Aries, Zema Ion, Kid Kash, Robbie E, Alex Shelley, Kendrick, Abyss, Bischoff, Jesse Sorensen, Mark Haskins and Tony Nese, all in Bischoff's office.

Eric tells Abyss that this is because he couldn't kill the X Division at Destination X.

Eric adds a weight limit to the X Division, so guys like Abyss can't join in the fun.

Ultimate X looks pretty fun, admit it.

The limit is 225 pounds. The motto "not about weight limits but no limits" is thrown out the window. It was good while it lasted, Mike. Think of a new one.

Aries tells Bischoff he'll make the X Division be something he can be proud of. Robbie E tells Haskins that Aries is being a kiss-ass. Robbie couldn't help but comment on some of the things Eric said.

The Jarretts enter the ring to show how they are accepted by the Mexican people. Jeff brings out two Mexican guys that work at Universal Studios. The two guys are dubbed as lawn mowers. Stereotypical.

The guys are a Florida independent tag team called Los Ben Dejos.

Jarrett tells them to say, "Jeff Jarrett is king of Mexico." Neither one understands English, but then they spot Hector Guerrero at the announce table and mark out.

They go through all the Guerrero wrestling family members and say they're the best Luchador family.

This gets Jeff angry and he attacks the guys. Hector grabs a chair and Jeff and Karen run away. 

Keep your fingers crossed for Chavo and also, where was Mexican America during this bit?

Television star and champion Eric Young sends in his most recent video. He is in search of No. 1 contender Scott Baio. He buys a map and everything. The video can be found on the IMPACT! Wrestling website or right here!

Mr. Anderson walks out of a production truck even though he was taken out via ambulance earlier. He walks into Bully Ray's dressing room and grabs his chain.

Gunner attacks from behind and they beat Anderson with a chain. 

Match 5: BFG Series: Bully Ray vs. Gunner vs. Crimson vs. Scott Steiner

Don't worry, Crimson fans, it's a four corners match.

Well, this match was your typical one face versus three heels handicap-like match. Crimson gets beat down the entire match and grabs victory from the jaws of defeat.

Steiner and Gunner and beating down Crimson despite the fact that only two guys are allowed in the ring at once.

Crimson throws Gunner at Bully Ray and both guys go down. Crimson then gets behind Steiner and gets a roll-up.

Winner: Crimson (50)

The win gives Crimson 50 points. No, I mean seven points, but his total is 50.

Kurt Angle attacks from behind and beats down Crimson to end the night.

It was an okay night.

Some positives are the X Division growing, the three-way BFG Series Tag Team match and Cookie and Robbie E splitting.

Some negatives were the whole Kurt Angle/Dixie Carter/Jeff Jarrett/Karen Angle/three years ago, get over it angle. The worst part was watching Hogan try to beat down Sting.

Hogan, please retire.


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