2011 MLB's Worst Players by Position

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The idea here is clear: these guys suck. It doesn't mean they always sucked or they suck as people, they've just had better days. No hard feelings. I realize you are all better athletes than me or anyone I've ever met. And yes, I still want your autograph.

Now, onto the ground rules:

- The player must have started at least 50% of his games at that position.
- The player must have appeared in over 60 of the team’s games (roughly half).
- The player must suck.

And now, your 2011 All-Terrible team.

Right Field: Magglio Ordonez

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.300 is a good batting average, but boy is it a terrible slugging percentage. That tells you all you need to know about the Tigers’ right-fielder, who still manages to sneak into Jim Leyland’s lineup despite equally atrocious hitting and defense. In a robust 271 at-bats Ordonez has hit just four home runs and accumulated an astounding -1.8 WAR (a full point below any other right-fielder).

Heck, he even hit third against Ubaldo Jimenez yesterday. Third? Really? This is how you set the table for Miguel Cabrera?

I love Jim Leyland, but this one puzzles me.

Runners Up: J.D. Drew, Ichiro Suzuki

Center Field: Alex Rios

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Adam Dunn’s putrid play has gotten most of the attention, but Rios has been nearly as bad. He’s lost a step (or five) on the base paths and posted a .578 OPS, good for second-to-last among qualifying center-fielders.

What distinguishes Rios from OPS basement dweller Franklin Gutierrez is his extraordinarily bad defense, a real liability for the supposed captain of the outfield. It’s been a forgettable 1.5 years in the Windy City for a guy who looked like a world beater in Toronto. Maybe there’s something to those nasty pitch-calling rumors.

Runners Up: Rajai Davis, Franklin Gutierrez

Left Field: Felix Pie

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Because so many organizations put their once-good players out to pasture in the corners of the outfield, there’s always fierce competition for last place in left field. But this year’s award for futility goes to the virile Felix Pie.

Pie and left field always seemed like a bad match. For a position that demands high-OPS types, Pie packs almost no punch and compounds problems with an atrocious .271 OBP. And yet the 26-year-old has started 65 games in LF for the hapless Orioles, all without hitting a single home run.

Runners Up: Juan Pierre, David Murphy, Vernon Wells, Corey Patterson

Designated Hitter: Adam Dunn

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And it’s not even close. Adam Dunn is on pace to set all sorts of records for offensive malpractice, including worst batting average for a qualifying player over the course of the season. He is the only player to strike out in more than 30% of his plate appearances this season (he’s at 36%) and according to FanGraphs he has the worst WAR in all baseball despite the fact that his defensive WAR is (obviously) neutral. But of all the reference points for Dunn’s failures I like this one best: Dunn has 90 more strikeouts than hits...90!

Dunn is still in the line-up because of his impressive track record, but at some point you have to wonder if Ozzie pulls the plug on 2011. When your designated hitter can’t hit, it might be time for an intervention.

Runners Up: Jorge Posada, Vladimir Guerrero

Short Stop: Yuniesky Betancourt

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Yuniesky used to be a bad starting player on a bad team. Now he’s a bad starting player on a good team. Someone give this man’s agent a beer.

Betancourt has decent pop for a middle infielder, but that’s about it. He never walks (as many GDPs as free passes and the league’s worst BB%), he’s not fast (see prior), and he can’t field (worst UZR of any shortstop). To make matters worse, Alcides Escobar—the player the Brewers traded to get Betancourt—has been one of the best glovemen in baseball this year. Good thing Milwaukee has Prince and Ryan to pick up the slack.

Runners Up: Reid Brignac, Ryan Theriot

Third Base: Chone Figgins

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Never in my baseball-loving life have I seen a player suffer so dramatically from a change in setting. In sunny Southern California Figgins was an above-average hitter with plus defensive skills at multiple positions. In rainy Seattle he’s been, simply put, the league’s worst hitter. He has an unconscionable 15 RBI this year and an OPS under .500.

Based on those facts I can only assume that Chone Figgins is a solar-powered robot. Without sunlight and Disney magic he cannot function. Seattle, abort!

Runners Up: Brandon Inge, Brent Morel

Second Base: Aaron Hill

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Pre-hitting-streak Dan Uggla was running away with this award. One month later he’s comfortably behind (ahead?) of the pace and a major player in the Braves’ recent surge. And so Hill slides into the Uggla vacancy with an ugly slash line—.227/.277/.312—complemented by comparably ugly defense (-1.7 UZR).

It’s been an odd couple of years for Hill, who had a career year at age 27 only to regress dramatically over what should have been his prime. At 29 he already looks burnt out, and with super prospect Brett Lawrie (1.060 OPS in the minors this year) recently summoned to the big club, Hill’s days in Toronto appear numbered.

Runners Up: Mark Ellis, Chris Getz

First Base: James Loney

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When a group of touted prospects from the same organization arrive in the majors at roughly the same time, their individual expectations get distorted into group expectations. Such was the case with James Loney, who got billed as a future star alongside Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier and Clayton Kershaw.

Only problem is James Loney isn’t Kemp, Ethier or Kershaw, he’s James Loney—the same James Loney who never hit more than 11 home runs in a single minor league season.

After a surprising rookie campaign that saw him post a .919 OPS and hit 15 home runs in 96 games, Loney has predictably morphed back into the powerless prospect he was in younger years. At a position stacked deep with impact bats, Loney’s .328 slugging percentage simply does not suffice. Loney got caught in the glow of his teammates, and has never really recovered.

Runners Up: Lyle Overbay, Aubrey Huff

Catcher: Jeff Mathis

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Jeff Mathis is the only player on this list who isn’t having a below-average season. Sure, he’s got a slash line of .182/.225/.263, but lifetime he’s only at .196/.258/.303. Sprinkle a couple of bloopers here and there and Mathis could be in line for a career year.

In years past when Mathis split time with the much-better-hitting Mike Napoli, his defenders cited Mathis’ game-calling ability as his best asset. Napoli, it was said, couldn’t command pitchers and therefore the team did better with Mathis behind the plate. Of course this year Mike Napoli, now of the Texas Rangers, has the best catcher’s ERA in all of baseball.

So then what could possibly explain Jeff Mathis’ continued presence in Mike Scioscia’s line-up?

Maybe he’s having an intellectual affair with Arte Moreno. Maybe he’s related to Mickey Mouse. MAYBE he gives great back rubs.

It’s anyone’s guess.

Runners Up: Miguel Olivo, Kurt Suzuki

The Starting Rotation: Happ, Pineiro, Carmona, O'Sullivan, and Lackey

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1. J.A. Happ: 4-14, 6.26 ERA, 1.59 SO/BB ratio
2. Joel Pineiro 1.58 WHIP, 1.43 SO/BB ratio
3. Fausto Carmona 5.19 ERA, 4.8 SO/9
4. Sean O’Sullivan 1.781 WHIP, 0.69 SO/BB ratio (!)
5. John Lackey 6.14 ERA, 1.536 WHIP

If my team had basically zero chance of making the playoffs and no hope for the future (see Houston Astros) I’d almost rather have these guys on the mound. If we aren’t going to win anyways, I’d enjoy seeing Joey Votto go three-for-four with a couple of taters or witness Jose Reyes steal second, third, and home. Runs are fun!

My goodness, watching the Seattle Mariners must blow.