The 2011 College Football Season draws near, which means that one of our greatest traditions draws near as well:
Cheerleaders bring us spirit, fun chants, fancy dance moves, acrobatic leaps, pom-poms, fashionable uniforms, weird triangle-based formations, and conversations revolving around male cheerleaders that ultimately end with someone saying, "Listen, that guy gets to hang out with cheerleaders—he's cool with me."
All of the above is why we love cheerleaders. I can't think of any other reason why cheerleaders are so popular with sports fans.
Maybe as you click through this slideshow you'll think of something.
You think that sign is upside down, but no—she is just the original gangster.
And OG's can rock out with an upside-down "G" if they want to, because they've got it like that.
Time to move along.
California is very-well represented on this slideshow, out-flanking the likes of the SEC, which surprised me.
I'm not making any judgments on what conferences have the hottest cheerleaders, but based on some of the photos I found, it's pretty hard to argue against the Pac-12.
You be the judge.
Cheerleader Coach: Okay, let's go over our strategy for this game. Ladies: look sexy, do some dance moves, feign enthusiasm, and be sure to look sexy. Gentlemen: lift up the ladies from time to time and make loud noises into the megaphone / strange horn thing we give you. Any questions?
Jobe the Male Cheerleader: Should we look sexy as well?
Cheerleader Coach: Damnit Jobe, just yell in the horn thing and stop asking me stupid questions!
Given my general East Coast bias, Oklahoma to me represents two things: football and cheerleaders.
Oh, and that Broadway play. Yup, I think that just about covers it.
I've had dreams like this, where scores of beautiful cheerleaders are running toward me in a flowery field on a summer's day. Of course, I am bounding toward them as well, and a harp is playing, and the whole thing is going down in slow motion.
The dream turns ugly when all of the cheerleaders try to embrace me at once, and I am ultimately trampled in the melee and sustain life-threatening injuries.
She's smiling because of the Ohio State scandal.
Even if that isn't the reason she is smiling in this particular picture, I promise you that she is out there somewhere, smiling at the misfortunes of Ohio State.
I believe she is doing the Cobras entrance dance, which makes no sense since they are the Rutgers Scarlet Knights.
I guess they are into pop-culture based cheers over there in Jersey.
I deem this as the consummate "Cheerleader Face."
Lots of makeup, slightly forced smile, strange team-based decal on face, general aura of team spirit, and perfect teeth.
Congratulations, LSU girl—you are the envy of cheerleaders everywhere.
That's right, Tulsa is in the house!
And no, I also didn't know that Tulsa was located in Oklahoma until I looked it up.
The USC Song Girls are a national treasure. Their annual trips to Tahoe should be a national holiday.
The state of Oklahoma has dominated the first ten slides, staking their claim as the hottest cheerleader state in the land.
Sadly, this will be the last sighting for the Sooner State on this slideshow.
It was good while it lasted, Oklahoma.
There are three reasons you go to West Virginia: You love football, you love drinking, and you love burning couches.
We'll consider "loving hot cheerleaders" to be an honorable mention.
I like my cheerleaders like I like my drinks—on the rocks.
That sentence didn't make any sense at all.
Here's some confusing "Bowling Green" knowledge for you: The largest town named Bowling Green in the United States is located in Kentucky, and is the state's third-largest city behind Louisville and Lexington.
However, Bowling Green State University is located in Ohio, just south of Toledo.
You come for the cheerleaders, and you leave with some geographical knowledge.
Because at Bleacher Report, we are all about enlightening our readers and expanding horizons. Well, that and the cheerleaders.
Is she looking directly into your soul as well?
You go to UNLV for two reasons: Because it's located a mile away from the Las Vegas strip, and because it's located a mile away from the Las Vegas strip.
That's why this cheerleader is so spirited. It's not because of some silly football game—she's just really psyched to hit the town after the game.
This would be one way to boost attendance at museums—cheerleaders.
"Tonight's tour guides will be the local university's cheerleaders. Be sure to come early for tickets!"
Boom, that museum is selling out every single night.
I call this "Gator Chomp Spooning."
One of the truly wonderful post-game traditions at Florida.
Doesn't she have a beautiful smile?
Hey, doesn't she? Hello?
If I were Al Golden (Temple misses you, Al!) my slogan for turning Miami around would be as follows:
Yes We Cane!
And I would put this lovely cheerleader on the inspirational poster.
Here's a fun Miami of Ohio fact: It is the Alma mater of Ben Roethlisberger.
This cheerleader is smiling because Big Ben graduated before she got there.
There are precisely two ECU students I've ever cared about: Chris Johnson and this gorgeous cheerleader.
Even she thinks the Titans should pay Johnson his money.
When you think of hot cheerleaders, you probably think about California and Florida schools. But let me tell you something: Oregon is no slouch in the cheerleader department.
This Duke cheerleader proves that life isn't fair.
Not only is she out of your league in the looks department, but she goes to Duke, so she's probably a lot smarter than you as well.
Hell, she could probably beat you up.
No one will judge you if you wallow in self-pity after reading this slide—shoot, I'll be joining you.
Here, this Oregon cheerleader is modeling one of the 4,564,345 uniforms Phil Knight will pay for her to wear over the duration of her cheering career.
Personally, I'm a fan of this one.
She's cheering right now, but secretly she's thinking, "Why aren't I at a basketball game right now?"
Remember our previous discussions on male cheerleaders?
Yeah, this is why it isn't lame to be a male cheerleader.
Matt Leinart may have never panned out as an NFL quarterback, but damn it must have been awesome to have been him during his college days.
USC has no shortage of beauties, that's for sure.
I sort of feel bad for Kansas, and here's why: The city that they should be known for—Kansas City—is in Missouri.
At least the Jayhawks are better than the Tigers.
I may have to go down to Colorado Springs for a visit to the Air Force campus.
Well, if this lovely lady is down there, that is.
Reasons I would travel to Mississippi:
I stretched out a reenactment of Huckleberry Finn for far too long and ended up floating all the way to Mississippi.
I'm hanging out with Brett Favre.
I'm hanging out with this stunning cheerleader.
I've never been jealous of an alligator until this moment.
There is also the possibility that I've never been jealous of an extremely realistic-in-appearance-alligator-that-is actually-a-fake until this moment.
After seeing many of the gorgeous women that attend Arizona State, I'm beginning to wonder if I didn't make a mistake attending Temple.
But then I remember that we've got Bill Cosby, so I'm okay again.
(No I'm not.)
The Heisman never looked this good.
Comparing Temple to Arizona State, part two.
Temple has Bob Saget!
And Arizona has women this gorgeous littering campus.
Who am I kidding? Arizona State wins by a landslide.
Here's a fun fact completely unrelated to these smoking-hot Baylor cheerleaders:
Baylor University houses two live American black bears on campus. They are named Judge Joy Reynolds and Judge Sue Sloan, affectionately referred to as "Joy" and "Lady", respectively.
Colleges are strange places.
I'm somewhat of a Georgia Tech fan, mostly because I love their old-school option attack.
This stunner is one option I wish I had.
USC is the superior football program. UCLA reigns supreme in basketball.
So who will win the cheerleader battle?
That answer and many more will be revealed later in the show.
Exciting, I know.
Ole Miss has made a very strong showing in this slideshow. Thus, I will honor them with a quote that relates to their school only if taken completely out of context and somewhat altered.
Darth Vader: A small Rebel force has penetrated the shield and landed in Starkville.
The Emperor: Yes, I know.
Darth Vader: The Egg Bowl is upon us.
The Emperor: Are you sure?
Darth Vader: I have felt it, my master.
The Emperor: Strange that I have not. I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Lord Vader.
Darth Vader: They are clear, my master.
I have no idea what just happened.
More like Horny Frogs, am I right?
This has been Timothy Rapp, scraping at the bottom of the barrel to bring you the Internet's worst puns. Good night, and good punning.
USC Cheerleader: Fred, I told you I only needed a Band-Aid.
Fred the Trainer: Listen toots, you can never be too safe.
USC Cheerleader: But Fred, I cut my hand, not my leg...
Fred the Trainer: Damnit, I said you can never be too safe! Now go out there and show some Trojan spirit!
Damnit UCLA, stop having so many hot cheerleaders already.
It's getting pretty ridiculous at this point.
This photo will really stirrup the fellows.
You keep clicking, and the puns keep coming. You've been warned.
I'm thinking I may try out for the West Virginia quarterback position, seeing as they are holding open tryouts.
I'm guessing if I win the job I'll have a better shot with this lovely lady.
Pat White doesn't have jack on me!
At this point, I think UCLA is recruiting angels for their cheerleader squad.
For one, it isn't hard to find angels in a city called Los Angeles.
Plus, USC always preferred to deal with the Devil, so UCLA has the recruiting edge in Heaven.
This is a tough one, but I begrudgingly chose.
The verdict is on the next slide.
Was there ever any doubt?
Besides, It's hard to argue with that, am I right?
Hottest cheerleaders ever. I don't even think it is debatable.
UCLA may have the hottest selection of cheerleaders overall, but Oregon earns the top spot on this slideshow.
Congratulations, Oregon—you definitely deserve it.